Clearing Process for a Parent and a Young Person/Teen
(a.k.a. The Bedtime Clearing Process)
A free communication process for clearing a young person—preferably at
tucking-in bedtime with you sitting on the bed. Think of a bedtime
clearing as an after-the-game debriefing, a chance to acknowledge
what worked and didn't work.
As a parent or guardian your job is to support the integrity of
your child, to support him/her in being whole and complete (nothing
missing, nothing added). Children function perfectly when they are
acknowledged, especially when they aren't dragging upsets or unacknowledged
perpetrations, or equally important, disappointment for not being
acknowledged for their accomplishments.
the process to work a parent must first have completed
The Clearing Process, (it too is free). If you are dragging around your own
incompletes, your unacknowledged perpetrations, into each interaction with your
child; if you
are involved in deceits, withholding/hiding thoughts from your
spouse, then you won't
be able to create a safe space for certain truths to be told.
child has no choice other than to mirror the integrity of his/her
parents. If you hide your "biggie" from your child you
cause (yes cause) him/her to hide their biggie from you.*
Throughout each day children have
thousand of interactions, some are complete and others
are incomplete. They pout and yell and are abusive to others. They
have been selfish. They spill and break things, and, sometimes they lie and do
sloppy work. They are also generous, kind, loving, and thoughtful, and they
do some things very well throughout each day. In other words, they
do all the things children are supposed to do while growing up.
Interactions for which they have been acknowledged appropriately are
said to be complete. Other interactions, good deeds, or
perpetrations for which they have yet to be caught (acknowledged),
are referred to as incompletes.
You might have said to your child, "Please go pick up your room." Because you
said it cleanly and without anger or upset that interaction, among
thousands of other such communications, is probably complete for
him/her—except possibly for a follow-up acknowledgment, "Thanks. You
did a pretty good job of picking up your room." [Notice we didn't
say, "great job" because that would be a lie]. At another time,
during an upset, you may have shocked or scolded your child (yelled
or jerked their arm in such a way as to startle or cause a
fear-reaction), a communication that did not feel good. Such an
interaction was in fact abusive, it remains an incomplete. It's a
communication you have yet to acknowledge to your child that you
know didn't feel good and that you know was abusive; else, you'll
teach him/her to put up with bullying and abuse later in life.
Another example: You might
(already knowing the answer) "Did you brush your teeth?" This is
referred to as a setup. It sets the child up to lie (it's sneaky of
you therefore it
will teach your child to be sneaky). The child, out of fear of
disappointing you, lied and said, "Yup." Because you were
unconscious, because your mind was filled with your own incompletes,
you did not hear/catch/acknowledge the lie. The child goes to sleep
but it's not the sound sleep that comes from being whole and
completely acknowledged; somewhere in the back of his/her mind the
lie is occupying space. They don't feel good. For more about the
effects of "small" perpetrations read,
Parole—The First 24-hrs—a story.
Most of us are
still experiencing the consequences of our very first lie for which
we have yet to be acknowledged; a child's first conscious lie often shakes
their very foundation. Heretofore the child actually believed that
you could see into his/her soul and naturally knew such things. For others,
a lie not caught plants doubt about what they had been told about God; they now have
proof that God doesn't strike one down for lying. Subsequent lies
become easier without such fear. What parents fail to mention is
that it's you who catches you, it's you who pays yourself back, most always
unexpectedly (when its not convenient) however, it's always
appropriately in support of completing the original perpetration.
For example: A child who is failing in school is
hiding one or more
perpetrations from everyone (there no exceptions to this
Incompletes occupy space,
they serve as barriers to the experience of communication, to
manifesting ones desired results. Life's accumulated incompletes
affect ones ability to communicate spontaneously, without fear, for
life—that is, until the incomplete is acknowledged. Each parent can
The Clearing Process and then together do
The Clearing Process for Couples
so as to
complete life's incompletes.
This Clearing Process for a
Parent and Young Person/Teen is designed to be a bedtime activity.
It supports your child in restoring/maintaining his/her integrity.
Keep in mind, your task is to be with and acknowledge your child
without judgment, without make-wrong, especially without advice
or punishment (it's not a teaching-time process). If during the clearing process
your child confides that they broke an expensive dish you must bite
your tongue and say, "Thank you." (Thank you here
meaning, thank you for telling the truth, for being willing to share
it with me, for your courage, for trusting that I won't punish you,
thank you for grasping the power of this process). If you non-verbally
communicate upset and a condescending make-wrong you will shut down
your child, possibly for life. Notice the things you hid from your
parents for fear of . . . .
majority of parents are presently training their child to deceive
them—evidenced by the fact that most dating teens con each other into
deceiving both sets of parents when it comes to their first sex.
Seldom do parents acknowledge their own teenage-sex, deceit of their own
parents, to their teen, (most parents act as though they were more honest as a
teen). The hypocrisy always produces undesirable results. Read:
Ensuring your daughter has sex behind your back.
Press Begin Child Clearing
here to submit feedback/comment (no
Message Board to ask a question (free registration—only an
alias and email address required)
(via phone or in person) with a
communication coach is an extremely effective way
to clear. (it's free)