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Clearing Process for a Parent and a Young Person/Teen
(a.k.a. The Bedtime Clearing Process)

A free communication process for clearing a young person—preferably at tucking-in bedtime with you sitting on the bed. Think of a bedtime clearing as an after-the-game debriefing, a chance to acknowledge what worked and didn't work.

As a parent or guardian your job is to support the integrity of your child, to support him/her in being whole and complete (nothing missing, nothing added). Children function perfectly when they are acknowledged, especially when they aren't dragging upsets or unacknowledged perpetrations, or equally important, disappointment for not being acknowledged for their accomplishments.

Note: For the process to work a parent must first have completed The Clearing Process, (it too is free). If you are dragging around your own incompletes, your unacknowledged perpetrations, into each interaction with your child; if you are involved in deceits, withholding/hiding thoughts from your spouse, then you won't be able to create a safe space for certain truths to be told. A child has no choice other than to mirror the integrity of his/her parents. If you hide your "biggie" from your child you cause (yes cause) him/her to hide their biggie from you.*

Throughout each day children have thousand of interactions, some are complete and others are incomplete. They pout and yell and are abusive to others. They have been selfish. They spill and break things, and, sometimes they lie and do sloppy work. They are also generous, kind, loving, and thoughtful, and they do some things very well throughout each day. In other words, they do all the things children are supposed to do while growing up. Interactions for which they have been acknowledged appropriately are said to be complete. Other interactions, good deeds, or perpetrations for which they have yet to be caught (acknowledged), are referred to as incompletes.

An example: You might have said to your child, "Please go pick up your room." Because you said it cleanly and without anger or upset that interaction, among thousands of other such communications, is probably complete for him/her—except possibly for a follow-up acknowledgment, "Thanks. You did a pretty good job of picking up your room." [Notice we didn't say, "great job" because that would be a lie]. At another time, during an upset, you may have shocked or scolded your child (yelled or jerked their arm in such a way as to startle or cause a fear-reaction), a communication that did not feel good. Such an interaction was in fact abusive, it remains an incomplete. It's a communication you have yet to acknowledge to your child that you know didn't feel good and that you know was abusive; else, you'll teach him/her to put up with bullying and abuse later in life.

Another example: You might have asked (already knowing the answer) "Did you brush your teeth?" This is referred to as a setup. It sets the child up to lie (it's sneaky of you therefore it will teach your child to be sneaky). The child, out of fear of disappointing you, lied and said, "Yup." Because you were unconscious, because your mind was filled with your own incompletes, you did not hear/catch/acknowledge the lie. The child goes to sleep but it's not the sound sleep that comes from being whole and completely acknowledged; somewhere in the back of his/her mind the lie is occupying space. They don't feel good. For more about the effects of "small" perpetrations read, Parole—The First 24-hrs—a story.

Most of us are still experiencing the consequences of our very first lie for which we have yet to be acknowledged; a child's first conscious lie often shakes their very foundation. Heretofore the child actually believed that you could see into his/her soul and naturally knew such things. For others, a lie not caught plants doubt about what they had been told about God; they now have proof that God doesn't strike one down for lying. Subsequent lies become easier without such fear. What parents fail to mention is that it's you who catches you, it's you who pays yourself back, most always unexpectedly (when its not convenient) however, it's always appropriately in support of completing the original perpetration. For example: A child who is failing in school is hiding one or more perpetrations from everyone (there no exceptions to this phenomenon).

Incompletes occupy space, they serve as barriers to the experience of communication, to manifesting ones desired results. Life's accumulated incompletes affect ones ability to communicate spontaneously, without fear, for life—that is, until the incomplete is acknowledged. Each parent can separately do The Clearing Process and then together do The Clearing Process for Couples so as to complete life's incompletes.

This Clearing Process for a Parent and Young Person/Teen is designed to be a bedtime activity. It supports your child in restoring/maintaining his/her integrity. Keep in mind, your task is to be with and acknowledge your child without judgment, without make-wrong, especially without advice or punishment (it's not a teaching-time process). If during the clearing process your child confides that they broke an expensive dish you must bite your tongue and say, "Thank you." (Thank you here meaning, thank you for telling the truth, for being willing to share it with me, for your courage, for trusting that I won't punish you, thank you for grasping the power of this process). If you non-verbally communicate upset and a condescending make-wrong you will shut down your child, possibly for life. Notice the things you hid from your parents for fear of . . . . 

* The majority of parents are presently training their child to deceive them—evidenced by the fact that most dating teens con each other into deceiving both sets of parents when it comes to their first sex. Seldom do parents acknowledge their own teenage-sex, deceit of their own parents, to their teen, (most parents act as though they were more honest as a teen). The hypocrisy always produces undesirable results. Read: Ensuring your daughter has sex behind your back.

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Consultations
A 3-hour consultation (via phone or in person) with a communication coach is an extremely effective way to clear. (it's free)


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