The Clearing Process for a Parent and a Young Person/Teen

A communication process for clearing a young person, preferably at tucking-in bed time with you sitting on the bed.

As a parent or guardian your job is to support the integrity of your child, to support him/her in being whole and complete (nothing missing, nothing added).

Throughout each day children have hundreds of interactions. Some interactions are complete and others are incomplete. They pout and yell and are abusive to others, they are selfish, they spill and break things, and they lie and do sloppy work. They are also generous, kind, and thoughtful, and they do some things very good throughout each day. In other words, they do all the things children are supposed to do while growing up. Interactions in which they have been acknowledged appropriately are said to be complete. Other interactions, good deeds, or perpetrations for which they have yet to be caught (acknowledged), are referred to as incompletes.

An example: You might say to your child, "Please pick up your room." Because you said it cleanly and without anger or upset that interaction, among thousands of other such communications, is probably complete for him/her—except possibly for a follow-up acknowledgment, "Thanks. You did a pretty good job" (notice we didn't use the word "great" because that would be a lie). At another time, during an upset, you may have shocked or scolded your child (yelled or jerked their arm in such a way as to startle or cause a fear reaction), a communication that did not feel good. Such an interaction remains an incomplete. It's a communication you have yet to acknowledge to your child that you know didn't feel good and that you know was abusive.

Another example: You might ask (already knowing the answer) "Did you brush your teeth?" This is referred to as a setup. It sets the child up to lie (it's sneaky, it will teach your child to be sneaky). The child, out of fear of disappointing you, lied and said, "Yes." Because you were unconscious, because your mind was filled with your own incompletes, you did not hear/catch/acknowledge the lie. The child goes to sleep but it's not the sound sleep that comes from being whole and completely acknowledged; somewhere in the back of his/her mind the lie is occupying space. They don't feel good.

Most of us are still experiencing the consequences of our very first lie for which we have yet to be acknowledged; it often shakes a child's foundation; here-to-fore the child actually believed that you could see into his/her soul and knew such things. For others, it planted doubt about what they had been told about God; they now have proof that God doesn't strike one down for lying. The lies become easier without such fear.

Incompletes occupy space, they serve as barriers to the experience of communication, to manifesting ones desired results. Life's accumulated incompletes affect ones ability to communicate spontaneously, without fear, for life—that is, until the incomplete is acknowledged. Adults can do The Clearing Process or The Clearing Process for Couples and complete life's incompletes.

This Clearing Process for a Parent and Young Person/Teen is designed to be a bedtime activity. It supports your child in maintaining/restoring his/her integrity. Keep in mind, your task is to be with and acknowledge your child without judgment, without make-wrong.  If during the clearing process you child confides that they broke an expensive dish you must bite your tongue and say "Thank you." If you non verbally communicate upset and condescension, you will shut down you child for life. Notice the things you hid from your parents for fear of....

Once your child is tucked in you sit on the bed and ask the following:

Questions can be reworded depending upon the child's age. This example is for 3-6 year olds.

You: How was your day? What did you do that was good today?

Child: I donno. Nothing.

You: Thank you. I got that. What did you do that was good today?

Child: I picked up my room.

You: Thank you. What else did you do that was good today?

Child: I was nice to Kimo, O' yes, I fed the dog too.

You: Thank you. I got that. What else did you do that was good today? If you know something that they did in the morning that pleased you, you can give a hint. "How about this morning helping me with the dishes?"

Child: O' yah, I forgot. I picked up some spaghetti off the floor too.

You: Thank you for doing that.

Keep asking until you get a couple of shrugs, "I don't knows."

You: What did you do today that doesn't feel good?

Child: Nothing. I was good.

You: Thank you. I got that. What did you do that you don't feel good about?

Child: Tommy wouldn't give my Transformer back to me so I took it. He hit me and I hit him back.

You: Thank you. Is there anything else about that? (notice that there is no judgment, no lecture, and no punishment)

Child: He never shares. I always share with him.

You: Thank you. I got that. Is there anything else about THAT, (emphasis on that so they don't start a new topic)

Perhaps you can remember the delicious giggly feeling of going to bed completely acknowledged. Expressions of love communicated on top of unacknowledged incompletes don't get gotten except as a concept by the mind. The same expressions of love communicated into a space that is whole and complete is experiential, it by-passes the mind. It can't be doubted or invalidated such as (Yah but, you don't know the real me).

You: What did you you do that was fun today? (notice that we don't ask this in the beginning becuse we can't be certain that they would be able to recall it because a  perpetration might be clouding thier mind)

The process seldom takes longer than five minutes.

The first couple times you do the process, you are merely creating a safe space for the truth to be told. The mind hides stuff from itself in layers, removing "getting" the first layer during the first clearing will allow the next layer to appear. If the child sees  that it went well (no punishments, no make-wrongs, no lectures) the first time they will begin to get that it's safe to tell the truth.

Clearing Process Communication Form: (for questions use the Message Board)