Clearing Process for a Parent and a Young Person/Teen
(a.k.a. The Bedtime Clearing Process)

A free communication process for clearing a young person—preferably at bedtime with you sitting on the bed. Think of a bedtime clearing as an after-the-game debriefing, a chance to acknowledge what worked and didn't work that day.

Premises:

• "Good" and "bad" deeds that have not been verbally acknowledged—perpetrations, abuses, and thoughts of guilt—cloud the mind—these thoughts serve as barriers to getting a teacher's communications.* These non-verbalized thoughts are referred to as incompletes.

• Incompletes serve as barriers to communication, to manifesting one's stated intentions.

As a parent or guardian your job is to support the integrity of your child, to support him/her in being whole and complete (nothing missing, nothing added). Children function perfectly when they are acknowledged, especially when they aren't dragging around upsets or guilt for unacknowledged perpetrations, or equally important, disappointment for not being acknowledged for specific accomplishments.

Note: For any child-clearing process to work a parent must first have completed something similar to The Clearing Process, (it too is free). If you are dragging around your own incompletes, your own unacknowledged perpetrations, into each interaction with your child; if you are involved in deceits, withholding/hiding significant thoughts from your spouse, your parents, or your boss, then you won't be able to create a safe space for certain truths to be told. A child has no choice other than to mirror the integrity of his/her parents. If you hide your "biggie" from your child you'll cause (yes cause) him/her to hide their biggie from you.**

Throughout each day children have thousand of interactions, some are complete and others are incomplete. They pout and yell and are abusive to others. They have been selfish. They spill and break things; sometimes they lie and do sloppy work. They are also funny, generous, kind, loving, and thoughtful, and, they do some things very well throughout each day. In other words, they do all the things children are supposed to do while growing up. Interactions for which they have been acknowledged appropriately are said to be complete. Other interactions, good deeds, or perpetrations for which they have yet to be caught (acknowledged), are referred to as incompletes.

Example 1: You might have said to your child, "Please go pick up your room." Because you communicated without anger or upset, that interaction, among thousands of other such communications, is probably complete for him/her—except possibly for a follow-up acknowledgment, "Thanks. You did a pretty good job of picking up your room." [Notice we didn't say, "great job" because that would be a lie].

Example 2: At another time, during an upset, you may have shocked or scolded your child (yelled or jerked their arm in such a way as to startle or cause a fear-reaction), a communication, which if someone had done it to you, would not have felt good. Such an interaction was in fact abusive, it remains an incomplete. It's a communication you have yet to acknowledge to your child that you know didn't feel good and that you know was abusive; else, you'll teach him/her to yell and to put up with bullying and abuse, and to be abused later in life.

Example 3: You might have asked (already knowing the answer), "Did you brush your teeth?" This is referred to as a setup. It sets the child up to lie (it's sneaky of you therefore it will teach your child to be sneaky). The child, partly out of fear of disappointing you, lied and said, "Yup." Because you were unconscious, because your mind was filled with your own incompletes, you did not hear/catch/acknowledge the lie. The child went to sleep but it wasn't the sound sleep that comes from being whole and completely acknowledged; a tiny portion of them doesn't feel good. Somewhere in the back of his/her mind the lie is still occupying space.  For more about the effects of "seemingly minor" unacknowledged perpetrations read, Parole—The First 24-hrs.

Most of us are still experiencing the consequences of our very first lie for which we have yet to be acknowledged; a child's first conscious lie often shakes their very foundation. Heretofore the child actually believed that a parent could see into his/her soul and naturally knew such things. For others, a lie not caught causes doubt about what they had been told about God; they now have proof that God (or their God-like parent) doesn't strike one down for lying. Subsequent lies become easier without such fear. What parents fail to mention is that it's you who catches you, it's you who pays yourself back, most always unexpectedly (when its not convenient) however, a consequence is always appropriately in support of completing the original perpetration. For example: A child who is failing in school, like youself, is hiding one or more significant thoughts (a withhold, a perpetration) from someone of significance (with 44+ years of coaching I have not found any exceptions to this phenomenon).

Incompletes occupy space, they serve as barriers to the experience of communication, to manifesting ones desired results. Life's accumulated incompletes affect ones ability to communicate spontaneously, without fear, for life—that is, until the incomplete is acknowledged. Each parent can separately do The Clearing Process and then together do The Clearing Process for Couples so as to complete life's incompletes.

BTW: All divorced couples withheld a significant thought from each other on their first date; both brought their addictions to deceit and blaming into the relationship. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon. For example: If you are withholding one or more significant thoughts from your partner then you have caused him/her to withhold an equal (yes equal) number of thoughts from you. Again, no exceptions.

BTW: Did either parent explain to you that it's natural and normal to masturbate [thoughtfully placing tissues on the bed stand] or, did you sneakily carry around the guilt of doing something you thought was bad, sick or sinful—while trying to read/learn in school?

* We are always dramatizing our unacknowledged perpetrations non-verbally (with a teen it looks like disrespect, misbehaving, sullenness, low grades). A child will do whatever it takes to restore the experience of love between his/her parents.

** The majority of parents have been training their child to deceive them—evidenced by the fact that most dating teens con each other into deceiving both sets of parents when it comes to their first sex. Seldom do parents acknowledge their own teenage-sex and drug experiences, their deceit of their own parents, to their teen, (most parents act as though they were more honest as a teen). This hypocrisy always produces undesirable results. Read: Ensuring your daughter has sex behind your back.

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