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Woman loses interest in balding boyfriend / The consequences of
deceit
DEAR ABBY: My physical attraction to my boyfriend has significantly
diminished because of his baldness. I know this might seem shallow, but
I have lost all interest in intimate contact with him. When I look at
his bald head or he rests his head on my shoulder, it literally makes my
stomach lurch!
Our romance began 20 years ago when he still had
hair. It fell out two years ago. I still have feelings for him, but I
don't know how to get past this. I have tried turning out the lights and
even imagining I'm with somebody else. I'm sure other women feel the
same way I do. He tries to conceal his baldness by doing the "flip over"
thing with his side hair, so I know he's self-conscious about it. But I
am so turned off.
It would be an awful reason to leave him, yet I
can't stand looking at his head! -TURNED OFF IN CINCINNATI
Abby's Reply:
DEAR TURNED OFF: Ask yourself whether you are turned off by your
boyfriend's baldness, or whether it's his attempt to hide it with the
unconvincing come-over. If it's the latter, the solution might be for him
to go the way of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson or Vin Diesel and shave his
head.
However, if you truly can't handle the fact his locks have
flown, then do him and yourself a favor and turn him loose so he can
find a lady who appreciates him for what's going on under his scalp
rather than over it.
Someone once said, "You can fool Mother
Nature, but you can't fool Father Time?' Aging, and the consequences it
brings, happens to women as well as men. Keep that in mind as you
consider jumping back into the dating pool. —Abby
Gabby's Reply:
Hi Turned off . . .: Congrats for experientially discovering the
consequences of deceit; most understand this
phenomenon but few know it.
In an open and honest relationship both share all reoccurring thoughts
with each other. The
first partner who withholds a significant thought, such
as, "Your balding turns me off," causes (yes
causes)
their partner to withhold their thought(s) of choice. In other words, he
too has been withholding one or more significant thoughts from you.
There are no exceptions to this phenomenon.
Note:
All divorced couples withheld a significant thought from each on their
very first date; both brought their addictions to deceit and blaming into the
relationship. Again, there are no exceptions to this phenomenon.
There can be no experience of love in a relationship in which there are withholds.
What you both have is a memory of an earlier experience of love; love
that was most likely generated chemically though pheromones and
endorphins—rather than intentionally via communication. Your love has
become conceptualized. You've both lapsed into doing your imitation
of communication referred
to as talking. Between couples communication always results in love.
If you do The
[free] Clearing Process you'll
discover that his pate is not the source of your dissatisfaction. I'm
guessing you'll discover that you have dozens of other things you've
hidden from him; you've been collecting good reasons, unconsciously
masterminding a divorce.
After
you've done the clearing process you can then invite him to do it;
then you both can do The
Clearing Process for Couples.
Once you share all of your thoughts with him and he does the same with
you, you'll have a whole new relationship; whether or not you remain
together after clearing is not important. What's important is that the
process will give you both real-time experience communicating openly and
honestly. Once
you've experience true intercourse life will never be the same.
Your present leadership-communication skills will most likely cause
someone to dump you for a physical reason. Who knows what's yet to come
per your familiy history and DNA.
For an excellent example of sharing difficult thoughts read, The
Process.
Use this Comment form for comments/feedback.
To ask a question please go to Dear
Gabby's Message Board (free - registration required).
Last
edited 12/6/21
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