Hi F.G.T.P.: Such a great letter; so many friends have the same problem.

I find that when I judge someone about something it's always me judging me about the same thing. To paraphrase Pogo, "We have met da enamy and we is dem." Our mind is programed to find fault with others, to make them wrong. You judge Susan to be acting stupid; this activity serves to keep you from looking at yourself, from communicating responsibly, from cause, of how your leadership-communication skills have trained and rewarded her behavior.

When parents admonish a child, such as, "Don't lie" the make-wrong is often delivered abusively (angrily) from hypocrisy with non-verbal self-righteousness (the child hears their parents lie quite frequently). Later in life the child finds themself automatically telling white/black lies. A judgment (such as yours of her) delivered non-verbally, from condescension and self-righteousness, causes the undesired behavior to persist.

BTW: If your belief, ". . . marijuana is making my best friend stupid, boring and insipid" were a truth there would be no exceptions. There are far too many brilliant creative people who function well using mind altering substances (the majority of Fortune 500 companies provide free mind-stimulating-addicting coffee to their employees). Just as teachers either inspire students or not, so too do friends. Could it be that you've (brilliantly-unconsciously) set her up to smoke pot so as to wake you up? Perhaps to support you in communicating openly, honestly, and spontaneously, (zero significant thoughts withheld); she is in fact mirroring you and the effects of your leadership-communication skills.

She can't begin to wake up as long as she has you as her close "friend." She might, as do some alcoholics, have to drive everyone out of her life before she can experience the effects of her behaviors. To have the kind of relationship you believe you want (with her or anyone else) you'll have to be willing to let her go (it's called estrangement).

We might ask, who in your life would judge you to be ignorant and boring? Who in your life failed at trying to wake you up—to study more? Whom have you thwarted? A responsible post would have been, "What is it about my leadership-communication skills that have caused my friend to go unconscious?"

That you have enough spare time to write letters about another's addiction/behaviors reveals that you have too much time on your hands. That you don't inspire your friend to excel reveals that you have succumbed to a life of mediocrity; you are not a whirlwind of envious admirable activity and energy. More specifically, it reveals that you have not found/discovered/created your purpose in life. A person on purpose is so busy, so on-purpose, that they are a vortex of activity, such that everyone who interacts with them is enrolled some way in support of the purpose. A person on-purpose generates energy, it's contagious.

Put another way, Susan is mirroring your own ignorance and just how boring you must be to others (but not your friends, those who hang out with you because they know they have found in you a friend that will not require that they work at the level of excellence). Mediocrity loves company; your commitment to mediocrity generates mediocrity, it's also contagious.

You're asking if you should tell your, ". . . best friend . . ." the thoughts you've been withholding from her. You've been doing your imitation of a "best friend." The answer is, no, not until you have completed The Clearing Process.*

Could it be that she is withholding thoughts of disrespect of you? Perhaps she's totally disillusioned with the mediocrity around her, in part because you have yet to discover/create your purpose in life and partly because of your energy-sapping communication skills? Obviously no one around her inspires her to (volunteer) or even take on the task of resolving a social problem within the neighborhood. When some veterans realize how ineffective they are at inspiring family members to make healthy choices—when it finally sinks in how hypocritically boring civilians are compared with active duty service members—they are often driven to alcohol/drugs. They don't have even one person with whom they are in-communication (open, honest, spontaneous, zero significant thoughts withheld); most become, as have you, the cause for hundreds of breakdowns in communication. Many end up homeless.

BTW: Many teens are driven to do drugs by their parents; in part because the teen is missing the experience of being in-communication with either parent; they tried and failed to create the experience of love that once was. Also, neither parent is on-purpose in life. A teen can see everyone's hypocrisies, beginning with his/her own parents. It drives them crazy; believing they are somewhat crazy, they succumb to mediocrity.

How perfect that you wrote, it's a potential fork in the road; it's a great reminder about the effects we have on others.

* Do The Clearing Process and then invite her to do The Clearing Process for a Parent and Child (both processes are free).

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