You're welcome. I get your upset.
Your arguments reveal that you are stuck in wanting to be right and in making others wrong; it's an addiction, every bit as debilitating as alcohol. We're dealing with your problem now, we can address my faults later.
There’s a communication model in which you would intend for me to say something and instead of arguing you’d look to find the truth in it; it often takes a while to let it sink in. ""H'm, why would I set up Gabby to say that at this time in my life when I'm requestiong support?" Remember, your mind is programmed to protect its point of view.
Re: “...but one always does so in the opposite direction from the first one, are they both equally responsible for not getting anywhere?” No. Depending upon how powerful you're willing to be, just you. Or, you can continue to lie saying that your communications have absolutely no effect on the well-being of others. You have a misunderstanding about the definition of the word responsibility
Re: “I do not teach my son to blame and lie, she does.” This is both a lie and a blame statement. You already have condoned her treatment of your son and now you empower and blame her. Someone truly committed to harmony would have already removed their son from such an influence, immediately, after the first unresolved incident of abuse or invalidation. A responsible statement would be, “Something about my leadership-communication skills supports her in abusing our son, and, I’m stuck blaming her for my inability to effect a change. What is about me that’s causing (intending) this result?”
Re: “I would much more appreciate explanations,” Yes, I get this; except that your mind has most likely read a lot about this topic and yet other’s explanations have only produced more of the same. My replies are not for your mind. Once you've read a reply it's too late, it already has triggered a response and an experience; any truths will take effect. Not to worry, any BS will disappear. The process is referred to as experiential discovery-learning. You will get my communications, if not today, then some time down the road. Presently you are more committed to being right, to arguing, than in producing the results you say you want. My replies are to be experienced, to be-with, rather than to find fault and pump out a knee-jerk reply. Instead of arguing, the value from our interactions is created by choosing to be upset until the upset dissolves. Just as when you brilliantly set up your wife to say something that triggers upset, instead of fulfilling her prediction of goading you into a condescending abusive
reply, remain silent and experience the experience of choosing to be upset. Resistance is futile.
Please don’t post again until you have done five clearings, one per day for five days in a row The Clearing Process
I suspect it will be extremely difficult to resist the urge to pump out another reply so as to feel somewhat better. This time don’t. Prove to me that you can choose to be upset without the need to get in the last word.
Do show your wife our communications.