Communication Tip:

Originally written by Kerry for tutorial reference material, rewritten for Communication Weekly.

Integrity—a communication variable

Whole, complete, nothing added, nothing missing.
Examples of things added:
Guilt, anger, thoughts withheld, health issues.
Examples of things missing:
Prosperity, satisfaction, love, an experience of health, of being acknowledged, or of withholding acknowledgment of another.
1) In-integrity: A person is said to be in-integrity when they have acknowledged to themselves and another all their conscious withholds and perpetrations* and, they experience being acknowledged. Integrity is not a condition to be achieved and sustained except momentarily. We are in and out of integrity throughout each day: Problem—problem solved, unconscious closet—neat closet, complete relationship—incomplete relationship, out-integrity—in-integrity.

2) Out-integrity/out of integrity: A person is said to be out-integrity when they have a withhold with another, when they have not acknowledge a perpetration to themselves or another or when they are withholding acknowledgement of themselves, another, or others. Also, a goal set and not met, an agreement made and not honored, a less-than-satisfying health issue, an unhappy relationship—all can be completed (integrity can be restored) through acknowledgment (communication).**
The primary benefit of incorporating the integrity game into your life is that you can begin the communication mastery curriculum; until then you can't be sure if a less-than-desirable result is a consequence of an unacknowledged out-integrity or simply about your communication skills. For me, if I stub my toe, my first thought, (aside from replicating the incident by doing a walk-though, placing my painful toe against the object I hit, (which recreates the incident consciously and most always disappears the pain) is to think, "H'm, I wonder what that's about?" If no thought comes up then it was simply an accident. If, on the other hand, my mind offers the thought that it could be remnants of my upset about a survey taker's phone call just ten minutes earlier, then I have two possibilities; it could be a consequence of an incomplete (my rude treatment of a rude person) or, it could just be an unconscious accident. Most always I can find a thought, an incomplete, something that was in fact sapping my consciousness.

Whenever you have a breakdown in communication—such as someone breaks an agreement with you, (say they fail to show up on time for an appointment), or your child fails to do their chores, or your spouse "forgets" to clean up the bathroom or to do his/her share of house chores, or a friend doesn't return a tool when they promised—all can always be traced to an out-integrity. Specifically, your integrity is out and so is theirs. Communication, the truth, restores the integrity of a relationship.

For example:

An employee shows up late for work. They proffer "heavy traffic" as the reason. What's so is you, as his/her supervisor, have an out-integrity with the employee. To begin with, you failed to communicate the company's time agreements; you did your imitation of communication. We know this is true because employees honor agreements that are communicated (it's simply unthinkable to offer lame excuses to someone you respect). In this case, "traffic" was not the truth, merely one of hundreds of reasons.*** underneath which lies the truth. An employee who shows up late is unconsciously wanting to be acknowledged (caught) for some other unacknowledged incomplete/perpetration (at home or at work). With this example, a clearing between the supervisor and the employee would reveal that the supervisor failed to acknowledge the employee, for both their excellent work and their sloppy work; they allowed the employee to return home unacknowledged, especially feeling guilty for something they broke on the job. It's also possible the employee is cheating on his/her spouse and therefore life simply can't work for them. It's a supervisor's responsibility to discover the source of a problem.

Here's more about integrity —the correlation between personal integrity and outcomes.

An unacknowledged perpetration (a withhold) is always always being communicated non verbally; it's an aura thing that can be experienced/sensed by someone who operates from integrity.

Acknowledgment: Talking about a problem causes it to persist. Talking doesn't disappear a problem nor does it disappear its charge. On the other hand, communicating a problem, responsibly (from cause), disappears a problem. Communication also disappears any negative karma/charge associated with a perpetration. If your child acknowledges a perpetration and you punish him/her the punishment causes its own undesirable consequences and, keeps the child incomplete (often for life).

If a supervisor accepts the "traffic" lie, they become responsible for the compounding karma of unconsciously supporting deceit. Ultimately it affects everyone, especially the company. Most returned merchandise can be traced to a single perpetration by an employee.

The free clearing processes for individuals, professionals, couples, and parents with children are supportive of restoring/maintaining ones integrity, specifically, acknowledging (completing) ones childhood communication breakdowns, the less than satisfying interactions.

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Check back occasionally for minor edits (last edited 8/7/13)


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