Quotes from our tutorials and Dear Gabby letters. Communication Tips for the Holidays Conversations about these topics will support you in completing one or more incompletes.* Each conversation is about acknowledging to another a thought that has been occupying space in the back of your mind. One way to create space to manifest a stated intention (say for a job application, an upcoming test, or for health and prosperity in the New Year) is to complete something. The physics of this "nature abhors a vacuum" phenomenon can be observed when you clean a closet and donate the old clothing; within months the closet will be filled with clothing that more nearly expresses who you are today.** When you complete something, specifically a relationship, such as delivering a significant withhold, it creates space for an entirely new relationship and new outcomes. For example: Thank you for being my friend. Thanks for doing the dishes. I’m still upset about the ____ incident; I find myself blaming you. I know I love you but I haven’t experienced the experience of love since . . . I find myself thinking thoughts when we’re having sex and I know that thinking serves as a barrier to experiencing; I’m afraid to bring up the subject for fear of hurting your feelings. What would you like to hear me say to you? What would you change about me? I’m not enjoying our sex. Thank me for keeping our car in good repair. I was afraid to ask if you knew that yelling at me the other day didn’t feel good; I know that if I don’t have you verbally acknowledge an unconscious abuse that I become cause for all future abuses. I’m so very proud to have you in my life. I’ve noticed that our daughter hasn’t been hugging you lately; I’ve been afraid to find out the specific communication that's not being verbally communicated between you. There are several things I’d like to change about you, and I know that wanting to change someone is not love. I feel guilty for not cherishing you as I know another partner would. I’ve had thoughts about divorcing you; not that I want to divorce you but that I’ve had thoughts about it, and, I don’t feel good about having such thoughts, and, keeping them from you. I’ve been afraid to tell you that I don’t feel good when we visit your parents; not wanting to make them wrong I leave with stuffed thoughts about their racist and sexist comments. I have considerations about our dishonesty with our taxes, our insurance and other forms and applications. I keep thinking that our continual struggle with money is a reminder of the correlation between personal integrity and results?*** I feel badly for not knowing how to play with you. I'm concerned that I don't inspire you to opt for healthy choices. Tell me something you like about me. * An incomplete refers to any significant withhold between two, or, interactions (communications) that were not mutually satisfying. Withholding a significant thought from a loved is abusive; specifically, it causes them to be incomplete with little or no joy throughout each day. They don’t know what’s wrong; they just know that they are not experiencing love. BTW: When you withhold a significant thought from your partner it causes (yes causes) him/her to withhold a significant thought from you. Withholders always attract withholders. "significant" — a thought which if delivered might cause upset or anger; all deceit is abusive. Note: All withholds are being communicated non-verbally, they cause doubt and anxiety and eventually affect the health of both. ** Every time we look in our closets we see clothes that remind us of our addiction to accepting something other than exactly what we believe we went shopping for, our unconscious intentions. *** A partner who brings up this topic and fails to inspire their partner to opt for a life of integrity grants the universe permission to thwart you and yours. The consequences will be exactly what you'd have them be. For support in being complete do The [free] Clearing Process—it’s about restoring and maintaining ones integrity. HTML Comment Box is loading comments... For permission to use a quote please Contact Us. Permission is always granted—with the agreement that you acknowledge Kerry or Community Communications Sponsored by Community Communications, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit education organization [ top ]

v 9.15 Elaborations incompletes abuse acknowledging about apologies communication breakdown entanglement imitation of communication fidelity agreement health conversations perpetrations spanking wedding guest vow withholds The Clearing Process The Clearing Process for Couples   ". . . unacknowledged perpetrations and out-integrities  are always being  communicated  non-verbally, they  are always  having an effect." Definitions   For comments (with questions) use the Message Board—free registration required—alias user name OK. For comments (without  questions) use the Comment Form at the bottom of this page—free, no registration required—alias user name OK.