This tip is a quote from the
Communication-Skills Tutorial for Teachers. It's of value for
everyone because it addresses the subject of acknowledgment—a
communication variable, one of six
causes of
breakdowns in communication in relationships. The word "you" in the
following quote addresses a teacher doing the tutorial.
"Whenever a student is failing there is something that's not being
acknowledged."
Parents have an implied agreement to support you in teaching their
child. This implied agreement only turns into a supportable agreement when you
(the teacher) verbally communicate it to each parent.
The way to tell you have communicated the
Teacher-Student-Parent Homework Agreement is by looking at the results. When a parent sends
their child to school without the homework done you discover that
communication did not take place; most importantly, the student,
the parent(s), and you, are now in a condition called out-integrity for which
there are always undesirable consequences.*
I.e. For some,
the consequences
(the karma) from a lie or a broken agreement, come quickly, often in the
form of feeling guilty, of not feeling well—even sick about the incident; others pay
themselves back by creating their own
breakdowns in communication. In
other words, a broken homework agreement not only negatively affects you
and the student, it also affects the parents and their daily intentions
(outcomes) as well.
If you fail to acknowledge a parent the very first time he/she breaks
this homework-support-agreement, their unconscious covert sabotage of
you as a teacher, you will produce more of the same results for yourself
and all with whom you relate—such is your power. The parent and their
child will set it up to get caught (acknowledged) for this first
perpetration. They expect you to be sharp and on top of things. They
will test you to see if you're worthy of their support and respect. If
you fail to acknowledge a parent when he/she thwarts you in having all
homework turned in on time you will lose their respect. They will know
for certain that you are a typical teacher. "Typical" here meaning, like
most of the ones they had in school—a teacher who doesn't always mean
what he/she says, one that can be conned.
An agreement is rigorously supported. It is unethical to create the
illusion of an agreement; it sets it up for the other to fail. At
best an unacknowledged perpetration guarantees more of the same; if you
don't acknowledge a student for all outcomes he/she will find other ways
to get acknowledged, most often through misbehavior, failing, getting
sick, or worse.
The teacher's tutorial will support you in acknowledging accurately
and appropriately.
As pertains to personal/intimate relationships,
accurate appropriate acknowledgment is a key to the experience of love,
happiness, prosperity, and health. If your spouse is failing in life, or
if your child is failing in school, there is something that's not being
verbally acknowledged. A problem persists because there's a lie in the
space; when the truth is told a problem disappears. A failing child is
in fact communicating non-verbally that something's wrong, that the
integrity within the family is "out" , specifically, that
the child is
not in-communication with anyone.
For example: All dissatisfactions with sex between married couples are
generated from the very first experience in which one partner stuffed
his/her thoughts thereby rewarding, training, and condemning their
partner to mediocrity. Allowing a partner to believe they are great, or
even satisfactory, is referred to as a setup; the dissatisfied partner
unconsciously sets up their partner to fail and then later blames them
when in fact they perpetuated the less-than-satisfying performance with their
leadership-communication skills. One is either experiencing exquisite
intercourse or they are withholding a thought from their partner;
they
are in fact acknowledging them non-verbally, inappropriately and
inaccurately.
*
If a parent sends his/her child to school without the homework
done (or done but with poor penmanship) then we say that the teacher created the
illusion of an agreement. The teacher assumed that the implied agreement
was a given. At first we might think that the teacher failed to
communicate; not so. What's so is the teacher manifested his/her
unconscious intention. Teachers unconsciously intend that students and
parents not honor the homework agreement (read—The Homework Story); a
teacher unconsciously does this in support of communication mastery,
specifically, to address the teacher's addiction to blaming. What's also
true is the parent and the student clearly got that the teacher did not
mean what he/she said. Instead, what did get communicated (non-verbally) was, "Like
most other teachers, I don't always mean what I say." When homework is
communicated it gets done through to everyone's satisfaction; when a
teacher lapses into his/her imitation of communication then homework is
not done or, it's done but accepted with sloppy/poor penmanship (the teacher
thereby thwarts a fellow teacher—the student's former penmanship teacher).
Note: I know of no university speech-communication curriculum that
teaches education majors how to co-create agreements; none to my
knowledge address personal integrity and its effect on outcomes. What's
worse is that none offer or require Leadership Training. For
example: Few principals know how to cause the various daily,
weekly and monthly teacher reports to be completed and handed in on time—and so they can't model this skill for their teachers.
Use the free
Clearing Process to restore/maintain your integrity.
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