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#3
Mistress' death bed visit is not a good idea /
Consequences of deceit |
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Dear
Abby: I'd like to pose a question. A man is dying. If I went to visit him,
he would be delighted to see me. Even though I haven't seen him in
years, it would bring back happy memories for him. Neither his wife nor
his children know that I exist.
After much soul-searching, I have decided that I won't go. I have come
to the conclusion that a visit would be disruptive and cause the
family pain and suffering, as well as warping their memories of a
wonderful man. But I pondered this question, I wondered how many wives
might accept such a visit, knowing that it would provide some solace
to a man whom they both love. —THE MISTRESS
Dear Mistress: Probably not many. If the family
resided in Europe, where mistresses are more common, such a visit might be
welcomed. However, in the United States, we have a more disapproving
attitude about extra marital relationships, and wives of dying husbands
are not likely to appreciate a visit from a secret "admirer." Better to
let lying dogs sleep. —ABBY
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Hi Mistress: Your ponder is your integrity at work. Do you hold that withholds (lies and deceits) have consequences? Do you think there is a remote possibility that part of his illness and pending death has anything at all to do with his integrity, or your integrity? We don't know do we? Until
this
incomplete
has been acknowledged and completed we'll never know to what extent it is
affecting things. For more about the correlation between integrity and
health see
Conversations in Support of Health.
You don't say whether you knew him before he was married but your question,
your considerations and fears, speak volumes.
You say
"wonderful" yet it's possible that he has continued to withhold his relationship
with you from those he loves. In a relationship in which there is open and
honest communication such a withhold is called deceit. Any withhold serves as a
barrier to the experience of communication. That is to say, unless he has come
clean with his wife they have been doing their
imitation
of communication with each other all these years. You mention
"warping their memories."*
Notice that their memories are not accurate, they are not of who he really is.
Doesn't a lie (in this case, living a lie) indicate that their memories are
already warped?
Your silence ensures that his wife, most likely unaware of your
relationship with her husband and her responsibility in the matter, will
continue communicating as she has, with her head in the clouds
(unconscious), not being a safe space for those who love her to tell her
the truth. It's called, "a life lived unconsciously." You have two
choices: Remain silent and doom your fellow sister to more of the effects of
unconsciousness, or, muster up the courage and compassion it will take to clean
up the mess—otherwise, it's most likely he will go to his grave incomplete
with this deception. Restoring his integrity with his wife and family will
support him dying in peace with his integrity intact.
Most importantly, restoring your integrity will effect your own health and
aliveness, including the outcomes of all with whom you relate; it's one of those
darn forks in the road. Keep in mind
that none of you have been able to sleep the restful sound sleep that comes from
being whole and complete (in integrity), from
being acknowledged for the day's perpetrations. At some level she has
always known, it has always affected her aliveness; after all, in her universe
she unconsciously intended the deception. It's most likely she is still lying
about her cause in the matter. She has yet to be acknowledged for the
leadership-communication skills it took her to drive him into your arms. Your
question should be, "Shall I, possibly the most conscious of all of us, doom him
to an eternity of restlessness?" I know of
no one in my life who would not be happy for me if anyone bearing love and
compassion showed up at my death bed; at first, someone may experience upset
but I know all would be willing to process it through to mutual satisfaction.
Thank you, Gabby P.S. In support of restoring and
maintaining your integrity first do,
The Clearing Process. P.P.S. For more about the correlation
between intention and results read,
The Intention Experiment. Keep in mind, often one is not clear
about his/her intention until they observe the results. Most spouses of
couch-potatoes honestly believe they want their spouse to be
healthy, positively supportive, and active in the community, yet the
results of their leadership-communication skills prove otherwise.
*
Reasons serve as barriers to the experience of integrity. A person is either
whole and complete or they have their reason(s).
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occasionally for minor edits (last edited 1/1/21) [
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[ #4
Wife tired of husband's sex drive /
Time for next level of intercourse ]
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