Consultations (also referred to as clearing, coaching, mediation) v 10.1

What's a communication consultation?

What happens during a consultation?

Who uses a consultant?

Why would I want to have a communication consultation?

Types of consultations Telephone, Face to face or Video


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What's a communication consultation?

A consultation (also referred to as a consult, a clearing,  coaching or mediation) is a three-hour session with a communication-skills consultant, a coach. It's similar in form to a session with a counselor or therapist; the difference being, its foundation is communication-education (coaching) as opposed to analysis, therapy, or trying to fix you. "There is nothing wrong with you; there are a few conversations you were supposed to have had with your parents that you've yet to have." —Kerry

A consult is for individuals, couples, families or small groups (usually up to ten people). Larger groups and organizations are better served with longer sessions or a workshop—so that everyone gets a chance to participate fully.

Usually a consult participant brings a specific problem they want resolved. Sometimes couples or business partners want to "improve" their communication skills. Sometimes parents are having a specific discipline problem with a child.

A communication consult is free of the implication that there is something mentally wrong with a person; it carries none of the stigma sometimes associated with therapy, nor does it need to be entered into job application/health forms.

With communication coaching you give another, the coach, permission to provide you with feedback about your communications.

The coach guides you sentence-by-sentence through to mutual satisfaction with each sentence for a period of three-hours. The experience is unlike any other in life. When communication takes place there is the experience of being gotten and validated.

Throughout the 3-hr conversation the coach will offer insights, corrections, and feedback in support of an experience of open, honest, spontaneous, and mutually satisfying  communication. Most people say it transforms their experience of communication; it's virtually impossible for a consult to not have a powerful and beneficial effect on your life and relationships.

Most say that after a consultation the coach (as though sitting on their shoulder) is with them for life; such is the power of communication. As with communication-skills workshops there are no graduates—only life-long participants. A consult or a workshop is an experience of the transformative effects of communication and its potential—a brief experience of being willing to be supported in communicating responsibly, from cause—zero blame—a truly exciting new curriculum. Thereafter, for life, one can always tell when they have gone unconscious and have been doing his/her imitation of communication—it removes blame from the equation—never more a bully nor a victim.



What happens in a consult?

A consult is an opportunity to experience communication.

Communication as used here is the exact opposite of talking. Talking is the activity that generates and perpetuates unwanted problems, excuses, apologies, and more of the same less-than-desirable results. Most participants report that they experience a transformation in communication as a result of a consult. It is experiential. Educators refer to the process as "discovery learning." Participants automatically produce different results after a consult without having to change or remember anything. A consult is not about learning new techniques, things to say, or changing or stopping behaviors; participants report that they simply "know" things they merely "understood" before.

For example: Understanding responsibility is as far from knowing as is not knowing. Understanding why a child misbehaves causes the child to continue misbehaving—this is considerably different than knowing you have been causing (unconsciously intending) your child to misbehave—most always to teach you something about responsibility and communication.

Another example: With therapy a client talks about his/her problem and returns home, (often to the same abusive environment) perhaps feeling better but most often with the same problem. Quite often there is an unconscious implied agreement between the therapist and client that the client is expected to have the exact same problem at the beginning of the next session.

Between a communication-skills coach and participant the agreement is that both are communicating with the intent to disappear problems. A coach does not remain engaged in prolonged conversations with a person who intends on having the same problem another 24-hours. i.e. "But I love him" "I can't leave because of the children."

A consult participant grants permission to the coach to provide feedback. The premise is that the way an individual communicates creates specific types of problems, actions, and reactions from others. Coaching allows one to be conscious of unconscious abuses, errors and inaccuracies in ones communication model. That is to say, if someone keeps communicating from the same ground of being, without coaching, they will continue creating the same kinds of problems, for themselves all with whom they relate.

What happens when communication takes place is that there is an experience of satisfaction and completion. A consult is about communicating openly, honestly, and spontaneously. It's an opportunity to be coached. The facilitator puts in feedback and correction in support of everyone feeling good upon completion.

A teacher committed to manifesting his/her stated intentions has a coach on speed-dial (for life). i.e. "How do I support Mrs. Jones (a parent) in honoring the homework agreement?" or, "Something about the way I have been assigning homework causes some to not do it."



Who uses a consultant?

Anyone will get noticeable value from a consult.

  • A consult is a wonderful way to get clear about whether or not to stay married. Few people are aware that they have been unconsciously masterminding a divorce; once known, communications are appropriate without the long drawn-out, usually abusive, drama.

  • It's an excellent way to get to the source of an issue with a child (sickness, poor grades, or behavior problems); it's a way to discover what it is about your leadership-communication skills that causes thwarting.

  • It's great for parents who use, or are seriously considering, corporal (spanking) punishment as a solution. Spanking is what adults resort to when they've lost (or never had) the verbal skills to produce the desired results. All spankers are stuck in the Adversarial Communication Model. A spouse who enables abuse of their child is as abusive as his/her partner.

  • It's great for an individual who frequently yells or creates another to yell in a relationship.

  • It's a great way to take a relationship to the next level, especially from rudimentary high school sex to exquisite intercourse.

  • It's extremely supportive of win-win divorce settlements (eliminates or reduces attorney fees).

  • It's an excellent thing to do if one is considering getting married; a coach will assist a couple in creating a communication model that models for them how to communicate (therefore disappear) anger and upset. Most people dramatize (as opposed to communicate) anger, consequently it gets dragged around for several minutes, hours, days, or even years. An upset that lasts longer than 10 seconds is always about something else.

  • It's an excellent way to clean up a messy or stuck relationship. The intention to clean up a relationship is what does it; the consult is the actual conversations.

Consult participants usually report that the three-hour session is extremely powerful. Most report that it transforms their experience of communication.



Why would I want to have a consultation?

Many people choose to do a consult simply because they know things can be so much better if they could just communicate "better" or, "If only he/she . . . then I . . ." Or, "I know I love my partner but I'm not experiencing it."
There doesn't need to be a specific reason however, people may choose to have a consultation for support with the following:

  • To go over the delivery of an important pending communication (marriage proposal, asking for a raise, composing an important email, etc.).

  • To get clear before making a big decision (getting married, getting a divorce, having children, moving, changing jobs, communicating a possible deal-breaking thought).

  • To get to the source of a problem. To discover what it is about the way you communicate that's producing less-than-desirable results.

  • If your words are falling on deaf ears, "Do your homework," "Pick up your clothes," "I'll see you at 7:00," in other words, if you aren't producing the desired results it's never ever the other person.

  • To clean up a mess you have created in your relationship with another.

  • To get back into communication, or to recreate your relationship with your parents (they do not need to be present).

  • To responsibly estrange oneself from an abusive relationship.

One of the givens in the consulting profession is: The problem is never ever what the client thinks it is. The mind hides the cause of, the source of, a problem from itself.



Types of consultations

There are three ways to participate in a consultation.

1) Telephone Consultation

2) Face-to-face Consultation

2) Video Conference Consultation


Telephone Consultation: Mondays — Fridays 9 a.m. - 12 noon or 1 p.m. - 4 p.m.

A telephone consult is for people who live too far from Pahoa (the Big Isle) Hawaii for a face-to-face consult to be practical; or, for when the expense of transportation and lodging to have the coach travel off-island is a bit much. Consults, either face-to-face or via telephone, are three-hours long.

You may make a telephone consultation appointment for just yourself or for yourself with another.

You must call from a corded (land-line) phone. If you are doing the consult with another you must have two corded phone instruments (cell/smart phones are not allowed due to signal/sun radiation problems or possible battery failure).

For couples, each person must be sitting in a separate room not in view of each other.

You may make a conference call but it must be handled by you with the other person on the line when you dial the coach.

You will dial the call to a 1-808 (Hawaii area code) number. The coach will send you the number by email once the date and time has been agreed upon.

The call will be charged to your phone bill by your phone company or long distance provider as a typical long distance call. Skype must be prearranged and tested.

If your appointment is for yourself alone you must ensure that others cannot overhear your conversation. This is very important.

Do not attempt to do a consultation with a child or baby in the house except that someone else can ensure zero interruptions for you.

American/British English must be your native tongue.



Face-to-Face Consultation: Mondays - Fridays 9 a.m. - 12 noon or 1 p.m. to 4 p.m.

A face-to-face consultation can take place on the Big Island of Hawaii or, off-island—if you're willing to pay the coach's first-class travel and 2-night accommodation expenses.

Typically, a face-to face consultation takes place at the coach's residence located in Pahoa, Hawaii, or a local hotel, or an off-island location.

Hotel (three star) reservations are made by the participant.
Any fee for a (three star) hotel room is paid for by the participant.

First-Class air transportation, car rental/taxi, if away from Pahoa, is arranged by and paid for by the participant.

Big Island residents may request a consultation at any hotel on either side of the island (Hilo or Kona). Hotel and travel costs to Kona, and all off-island consultations, are paid for by the participant.




Video Conference Consultation: Video application (Skype, Zoom or VEsee), appointment and time-date, to be arranged)




How much do consults cost?

Consultations are free—donations accepted.

Free coaching consultation prerequisites:

1) Read "A definition of the word responsibility" (excerpted from the Communication Skills Tutorial for Teachers).

2) Read "A definition of the word abuse" (excerpted from the Spouse Abuse Tutorial)

—this ensures that you and the coach will be using the same definitions during the consult conversations.

3) Complete five clearings, one per day for five days in a row, (see The Clearing Process). Couples wishing to do a consult together must each (separately) do The Clearing Process and then together do The Clearing Process for Couples before making a consultation appointment.

After completing the above prerequisites you may make an Appointment for a free consultation.


When making an appointment from other than Hawaii
check here for the time in Hawaii.

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