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Virtually no veteran has ever left the military completely
acknowledged for all their good and not-so-good deeds, jobs done
well and those done poorly.
An unacknowledged vet is not whole and complete; something's missing
or something has been added.
Most vets drag remnants of incompletes left over from childhood
and the military into each civilian interaction,
each and every conversation—affecting all outcomes—for life.
When a vet doesn't have a relative, a friend, or a VA staff member
skilled at communicating (at acknowledging, at getting past the
drama, the false modesty, the embellishments, the omissions) the vet
becomes stuck dramatizing their incompletes (often non-verbally for
life) —many are driven to drugs/alcohol—per 2018 surveys, "...
roughly 40,056 veterans are homeless on any given night."
No branch of the military clear (debrief) a vet before releasing
him/her back into society.
We are always
manifesting our intentions; usually we are unconscious and unaware
of our intentions and so we act surprised, or get upset, when we see
what our leadership-communication skills have produced.
Until one
cleans up life's perpetrations all communication breakdowns, to
include abuses, broken agreements and missed goals, are a consequence of
either one's integrity
or his/her
communication-skills. Once one's integrity has been restored then a
broken agreement/failed goal is solely a communication problem, not
a communication and/or an integrity problem (comcom121.org/breakdowns.htm).*
If you attend
a friend's wedding knowing there is deception between the bride and
the groom, or between either of them and another, or their parents,
then you are condoning (supporting) deception; friendship with you
does not inspire honesty.
The tutorial makes a distinction between talking and
communicating: Talking causes a problem, an incomplete, to
persist, whereas communication always always
resolves a problem. Talking about a problem guarantees that you'll
still have the problem after the conversation.
One can't be
certain as to the source of a problem until they have restored their
integrity—to include acknowledging all of life's perpetrations
(comcom121.org/proclearing).
To positively support a veteran, to
minimize communication breakdowns with anyone, it
works to ensure that all concerned are using the same definition of
the word responsibility.
In an
organization that's experiencing frequent sick-days, "accidents," or frequently not meeting its goals, one or more employees
cannot quote the organization's purpose; its CEO is unconscious
and its employees are not aligned (managercoaching.com/topics.htm).
The way to tell which set of leadership-support skills you have
mastered is to look at the results those around you are producing.
Is everyone around you enjoying their activities, keeping their
agreements, handling their car/health insurance and debts
responsibly, continually acknowledging their perpetrations, with
lots of laughing and giggling throughout each day? If yes, then it
can be said that you've mastered supporting others positively.
All vets who have elicited a "diagnoses" of PTSD are withholding one
or more significant thoughts from someone of significance.
One's belief as to the source of their PTSD causes it to
persist; a belief shuts down the "arrogant" mind to possibilities.
Family, friends, and loved ones, use the same Adversarial
Communication Model and so they don't know how to get into
communication with their vet.
Dr. Carrie Elk, The Elk Institute for Psychological Health and
Performance states "most traumas can be completed in one to five
sessions." Counselors and coaches know that what a person states to
be their problem, what they believe caused the problem, is never
ever the problem—because it doesn't address the source of the
problem.
A vet becomes programmed to describing what "happened" but not what
was going on in his/her mind seconds, minutes, hours prior to the
incident, the intention (albeit an unconscious one) that created
space for, that manifested, the result.
*
At the beginning of a mission briefing
a Navy SEAL Team Leader will conduct a brief clearing process. I.e.
"Acks and perps?" In other words, "Is there anyone who'd like to be
acknowledged for something (perhaps an unacknowledged perpetration) that
might affect our mission—any thought that might get in the way of you
deserving to succeed." The premise? As one approaches mastery one
notices that personal integrity is a communication variable. Communication breakdowns, missed
goals/objectives, and "accidents" are reminders for us to restore our integrity. The
Naval Special Warfare community, in support of excellence (of
communication mastery), have discovered that they can no longer risk the
consequences of deceits, infidelities or unacknowledged relationship
abuses.
Typical team member clearing acknowledgments: "I'm past due on a car
payment." "I haven't acknowledged a verbal abuse to my son this
morning." "I could have done a better job washing the deck yesterday." "I haven't told my wife that I danced with several woman at
_ _ _'s party last night." "I haven't balanced my checkbook for two
months." "I didn't give the yeoman a revised copy of my will." "I did the
best job ever of cleaning my Glock." etc. The leader replies to
each, "Thank you. I got that. Is there anything else about that?"
Nothing more. A "clearing" is not a teaching-moment, or about punishing,
or giving advice—it's about emptying one's mind of thoughts that might
affect outcomes.
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