Boyfriend's call interrupts business meeting

 

DEAR ANN LANDERS: Please settle a disagreement. It could save my relationship.

 

Recently I attended a business conference with my boss and received a call on my cell phone from my boyfriend. I told him I couldn't talk and would call him back. He asked if my boss was here, I said, "Yes, he's sitting right here. We are in a meeting." He insisted that I say "I love you," right then and there. I refused. I said it was inappropriate. He became angry, and then he hung up on me.

He later said if I really loved him, I would speak those words anytime, anywhere. I told him he put me on the spot and should apologize for expecting me to take a personal call during a business meeting. Now he has stopped speaking to me. What do you say? PROFESSIONAL WOMAN IN VANCOUVER, BC.

Ann's Reply:

Dear Vancouver: I'm not sure your relationship is worth saving. The man sounds like a control freak of the first order. Have you considered what your life will be like if you marry him? Please give serious consideration to what I am saying. His insecurity could be a millstone around your neck—forever. ANN

Gabby's Reply:

Hi Vancouver: Lots of valuable stuff here. What you're experiencing is a mirror of your own pattern of controlling. You seduced an immature boy whom you could control. You have trained him to feel insecure. You have rewarded his previous controlling behaviors. In other words, this argument is not about his call, it's about an earlier argument, an incomplete.

You haven't enrolled him in supporting you in your career. He thought nothing of dumping on you and hanging up leaving you incomplete for the day. This is called sabotage. In truth it was an unconscious payback for something, an incomplete. I suspect he doesn't respect you for hanging out with him. You are equally immature to be interacting with him. Could it be that a mature man would not date you?

That he is so attached to hearing the words "I love you" reveals that you control him. You keep him around by keeping him incomplete, wondering, begging to hear the words. He was of course jealous. You have communicated something to create that.

Notice that you have trained him to argue. How did he know to not hang up after you said you "couldn't talk?" He knew the "I couldn't talk" was a lie because you kept talking. He intuitively knew this from previous interactions with you, conversations in which you said something and didn't mean it.

Who trained him, who gave him the remotest idea that it would be appropriate to call you? This goes to the core of how you carry yourself. You'd do well to acknowledge that he communicated appropriate to your act which is considerably different than how you see yourself. You signed, "Professional" however a professional would have such things handled. Perhaps you were expecting a business related phone call but most professionals turn off their cell phones when in meetings.

If I were your boss the incident would be a possible red flag as to your potential, your managerial skills. It appears both you and your boyfriend are unaware of the long-lasting negative effects of that call. Tip: Tell your boss you've handled the issue, that it won't "happen" again.

Someone not addicted to arguing would have, upon hearing who it was, ask, "Is this an emergency?" (if not) quickly, forcefully, interrupt whatever's being said and say, "I'm in a meeting. I'll be in meetings all day. I'll call you tonight. Goodbye."

There's nothing serious here. It's all high school puppy love stuff; you were supposed to have learned to not date control freaks. The incident reveals that you have several incompletes (withholds-deceptions) between you and your boyfriend and between you and your parents. Clearly they did not inspire you to select a partner whom they would like and admire. Thwarting begets thwarting, Yes?

Do The [free] Clearing Process—it will support you in restoring your integrity so that you karmically deserve more desirable problems. —Gabby

Last edited 12/16/21