Scenario:
Your partner has committed a
perpetration; they have broken a verbal
or an implied agreement. Let's assume it was a biggie such as
physical abuse, a felony theft/illegal activity, an extramarital
affair, sneaky on-line porn-browsing chats, or that he/she has been drugging
(using/selling) behind your back.
Question:
Should you forgive him/her?
Answer:
No. Do not forgive him/her; instead, forgive yourself for
unconsciously setting it up for them to do it to you.
Just because
you don't know how you produced a result doesn't mean that you
didn't unconsciously intend it. In other words, it doesn't make
sense to forgive someone for a result you produced using your
leadership-communication skills; it invalidates the genius in you
that masterminded this outcome, your cause for this result.
Any out-integrity
between a couple reveals that
both
have been withholding significant thoughts from the other. If you are claiming
to be the "victim" of a perpetration you are lying. If you
were to spend time with a communicologist (a leadership-relationship communication-skills coach) you'd discover
that you began the deceit by withholding a deal-breaking thought
early on (most likely during the first date). I.e. An unacknowledged
firm decision to have or not have sex, herpes,
dysfunctional family, previous
physical abusive relationship, history of verbal abuse, drug
addiction, DNA considerations such as historically unhealthy
(mental/physical) family
members, cheated—on another—or on a test, committed a crime,
incarcerated family member(s), etc.
(something you hid from your date for fear that it would be a deal-breaker).
Remember, it was your karma that attracted this—they are merely
mirroring your integrity.
Mo betta to use this
opportunity to discover what you've been up to. Given all the
possibilities, why intend this? It appears you need
to be acknowledged (caught) for an earlier perpetration of yours,
perhaps with another, one you've hidden from your partner, perhaps
even from yourself. Yo, "Pot . . . kettle black." Could it be that
you're addicted to blame?
Perhaps you are
experiencing the karma (the consequences) of supporting the deceit
you perpetrated on both sets of parents having presented yourself as
an honest person (conning your partner into having sex behind the
backs of both sets of parents knowing it would cause upset and
anger). It could be about an even earlier premarital sex
relationship. Arrogance is believing that you got away with such
deceit; arrogance always begs humbling (I.e. 40% divorce rate). Could it be that you
badmouthed your ex, or, equally damaging, you non-verbally supported your ex in blaming his/her ex
for their divorce.
For example.
Date says on first date: "My ex was abusive." There are always undesirable consequences for
abusive blaming or for non-verbally supporting it.
Correction to
the above Scenario: It should read,
[You, using your unique sophisticated leadership-communication skills, have unconsciously intended that your partner
commit a perpetration]. Perhaps you
"cleverly" avoided asking the
deal-breaking questions at the very beginning, and, now you find
yourself blaming them. To hook them you sneakily didn't define your boundaries up front. Read:
Creating a marriage vow that precludes cheating, etc..
In any case, the
truth is, your integrity doesn't inspire integrity. You lost their respect early
on, else, they would not insult you with such abusive behavior. They
have unconsciously set you up to restore their integrity; if you
"forgive" them, it will cause even greater disrespect. They
intuitively knew that with some pathetic begging they could con you
into forgiving them, to give them one more chance, as in push-over,
easily manipulated (no one would consciously treat another like
this, especially a loved one). They cannot change/heal with you in
their life. And, if you continue using the same leadership-communication skills, you will keep producing more of the same.
To begin restoring your integrity do
The
Clearing Process (it's free and it works). —Gabby
Last
edited 3/24/22
Do print this tip and share it
with your partner.
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