The Kimo - Tommy Incident through to completion.

It's been my experience that most children have trained their parents and teachers to back off from getting the answers to questions about responsibility. So you, the teacher, must be prepared to intend a truthful answer or you will lose Kimo's respect. He won't be conscious that he doesn't respect you, it's just that he will know he can con you. In his mind you'll be a softy, a pushover.

If you ask the question and he responds, "I dunno," it's possible he expects you to give up after a few seconds of silence. Few adults have the intention to get truthful answers and he knows this already. It depends upon his parents, and how they have handled him when he does this avoidance game, as to just how long he's willing to hold out not knowing. If you buy into his "I don't know" stuff you'll reward his "stupid" act. You also become responsible for the consequences of his lie. The "I dunno" accepted is simply another more-of-the -same conversation. The "I dunno" challenged and taken through to mutual satisfaction becomes a new experience, one remembered for life.

If you'd like to help him, which ultimately doesn't work, you could suggest,

"What would Tommy say you did to get him to hit you?"

Kimo may still come up with, "I dunno."

The ideal is for you to say,

"Kimo, you go sit over there please. When you can think of what you did to get Tommy to hit you, you come and tell me OK? But before you sit down will you ask Tommy to come see me?"

Then you say to Tommy,

"What happened between you and Kimo?"

Tommy will burst forth with his version. If it's blame, then you ask the identical question,

 "What did you do to get Kimo to do that to you?"

If he's stuck in not knowing, have him sit, away from Kimo, until he's willing to remember.

I've seen children stay all day in their rooms and finally come out and tell the truth when they were hungry. At home I'd recommend different rooms. Never have I come across a child who didn't come up with the truth. Most always it's related to an earlier incident.

It might appear that having a child sit alone all day in denial would prevent him/her from getting the rest of the day's lessons, however, the truth is the child could not be with your next communications (content) completely because their mind would be partially occupied with the lie. The lie, the incomplete communication, "What did you do to cause...." serves as a barrier to communication taking place. Communication takes place in space.

Once students get that you don't buy their blaming lies they'll communicate responsibly immediately.

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