About Teacher's Tutorial: Responsibility pg. 5 of 6

Prerequisite: Responsibility—continued

The Kimo-Tommy incident through to completion:

It's been my experience that most children have trained their parents and teachers to back off from getting an answer to a question about responsibility so you must be prepared to intend a truthful answer or you will lose Kimo's respect. He won't be aware that he doesn't respect you, it's just that he will know he can con you. In his mind you'll be a "nice" "easy" teacher, a pushover. If you ask the question and he shrugs "I dunno," (this "stupid act" usually works with parents) it's because it has worked before; it's possible he expects you to give up after a few seconds of silence, or for you to ask another questions. What happened? "I dunno!" "What do you mean you don't know?" "Where's Tommy?" The teacher is unaware that he/she was not intent on getting the answer to the very first question.

Few adults have the intention to get truthful answers and he knows this already. It depends upon his parents, and how they have handled him when he does this avoidance game, as to just how long he's willing to hold out not knowing.

If you buy into his "I don't know" stuff you'll reward his "stupid" act. You also become responsible for the consequences of his lie. If you accept his "I dunno" it's simply another more-of-the-same conversation. The "I dunno" challenged and taken through to mutual satisfaction becomes a new experience, one remembered for life.

If you're programmed to help, which ultimately doesn't work, you could suggest,

"What would Tommy say you did to get him to hit you?"

Kimo may still come up with, "I dunno." The ideal is for you to say,

"Kimo, please go sit over there. When you can think of what you did to get Tommy to hit you, you come and tell me, OK? But before you sit down please tell Tommy I'd like him to come talk with me."