If, as a teen, you conned your date (now your living-together partner/spouse) into deceiving both sets of parents so as to have sex behind their backs, (and you have yet to verbally acknowledge the deceit to all concerned) then you have been creating lots of breakdowns in communication in your relationships; you will continue to cause more deceits and withholds and appropriate negative karma.1 Deceits always (eventually)2 produce less-than-desirable results.
It's not your fault. Your parents, using all they could remember from their high school speech-communication classes and teachers (using all their verbal, non-verbal, psychic, and physical communication skills) taught you to deceive them, to withhold significant thoughts as they all still do with each other and their own parents; back then you had no choice other than to emulate the integrity of your parents and teachers.
Our integrity is such that we won't allow ourselves to achieve and sustain the experience of love, health, and prosperity until we clean up (acknowledge) life's perpetrations.
Most everyone gets things and life going nicely and then unconsciously intend a circumstance that causes it all to crash and burn3 (a job loss, divorce, "accident," or health issue).4
If you are withholding one or more significant thoughts from a person of significance, then you have caused that person to withhold the same number of thoughts from you. Couples always mirror each other's integrity. With 44+ years of facilitating 3-hr coaching sessions, I have not found an exception to this phenomenon.
1 "karma" (good or bad consequences for results enabled/produced) is always perfectly timely and appropriate. Our arrogance is such that we believe we got away with a specific childhood lie. We've cleverly "forgotten" some of our sneaky deceits, our nasty abuses, or our significant lies. Mom: "Did you brush your teeth?" If you have a child, and if you do the Clearing Process for a Parent and a Young Person/Teen, you'll discover that you have been sending him/her to school each day with several verbally unacknowledged perpetrations floating around in their mind as they try to recreate a teacher's communications. The word verbally is a reminder; we are always communicating our withholds non-verbally. Misbehaving, pouting, getting sick, and failing is how a teen lets everyone know they are not in-communication with anyone.
2 "eventually" Most divorced couples have not been caught for their very first childhood lie. If we have yet to acknowledge to a parent that specific lie then our integrity will unconsciously set up life to recreate a similar incident so as to handle it with integrity this time around.
3 "crash and burn" All divorced couples (yes all) brought their addictions to withholding and blaming into the relationship. With 44+ years facilitating 3-hr coaching sessions I have not found any exceptions to this phenomenon. --Kerry
4 Typically, after a heart attack, one realizes they have been thwarting the success of their high school health, nutrition, and physical education teachers; that thwarting begets thwarting. Again, it's not your fault; most such teachers themselves are unhealthfully overweight, still touting, "Do as I say" and still withholding one or more significant thoughts from someone of significance. For example: If a parent tells their child to not lie but the parent is deceiving their spouse then the hypocrisy serves as a barrier to communication taking place. For more read: About Teen Suicides -- how to drive your child crazy.
Last edited 1/2/24