All dissatisfactions with sex reveal that both partners are deceiving each other, both are withholding one or more significant thoughts from the other. Stated responsibly —you are causing your partner to deceive you. With 44+ years of coaching 3-hour consultations I have not found any exceptions to this phenomenon. —Kerry.
Because most parents are uncomfortable talking about sex they don't talk about certain things such as how to achieve or create space for climaxes.
For example: Research reveals that many women fake climaxes so as to please their partner. There's nothing wrong with this other than it's deceitful and the fact that both are unconscious. Imagine how unconscious one must be to not know what their partner is experiencing? (I.e. Was it good for you?) Deceit is always co-produced and always produces less-than-desirable results.
Few people discover the correlation between synchronous breathing and sensations, when both partners breath in and out together. Usually what happens when the man performs oral sex the woman will try to gather the sensations, trying to have a climax. What this looks like is both partners efforting physically (faster/slower, harder/rougher) to please each other, both thinking thoughts and holding their breath, rather than breathing together. After a while the man feels badly because it looks like "it's" not working; the woman feels guilty because she thinks she's "taking to long" and nothing's happening. Synchronous breathing preoccupies the mind. What happens is the mind will think a thought which gets in the way of maximizing sensations; couples who breath together focus solely on breathing. When they find themselves thinking a thought they refocus on breathing and the thought disappears.
Equally significant is the fact that both partners have withheld the fact that an earlier partner (was better at something), perhaps had mastered oral sex. Such a disappointment is hugely significant; it's not a thought that can be shared without temporarily hurting the other's feelings. Yet the deceit non-verbally starts the divorce process, producing even more disappointment as the relationship continues.
Last edited 7/30/21