- All communications (verbal, non-verbal, physical and psychic) have an effect on you and all others; a lie believed to be true does not make it true.
For example: If you are divorced and your wedding vow included, ". . . till death do us part . . ." then you lied. Yes, even unconscious lies have an effect, on yourself and everyone with whom you relate. Specifically, you were both ignorant and unconscious; your definition of the word "vow" was/is homegrown, and, you said something you didn't mean.
A responsible vow would have been, "I'll stay married to you as long as I want to, until my mind manufactures a reason to divorce, until I decide otherwise."
You compounded the consequences of your lie with your addiction to withholding specific thoughts (deceit)* by conning your loved one into agreeing to the vow with its believed lie. This reveals yet another integrity issue, the consequence(s) of conning another.**
If you now acknowledge that you lied, and that the lie somehow affected the outcome of the marriage, then you now know to not agree to such an agreement, unless you and your intended have discussed the innumerable variables that can/will test such a life-long commitment.
* I say addiction to deceit because you'll recall that on (or even before your first date) you consciously chose to deceive your date. You chose to withhold one or more specific significant deal-breaking thoughts before you "hooked" them with foreplay and sex. I.e. "a non-verbalized plan to have, or definitely not have, sex on the first date," "herpes," "a prior abusive relationship," "one or more deceits you were perpetrating on your parents," "a significant family DNA consideration (cancer, autism, suicides, dysfunctional parents, etc.). And, your karma was such that you magnetically attracted into your life a person with identical integrity issues—so that you could see you. That is to say, your date was withholding the exact same number of significant thoughts from you and his/her parents. There no exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon. "significant" A thought, which if communicated verbally, would cause upset or anger. Fleeting non-reoccurring thoughts are not withholds. The word "verbally" reminds us that we are always communicating our withholds non-verbally, they are always affecting outcomes.
** Is it possible you conned your potential partner into deceiving both set of parents so as to have sex? If so, that deceitful con (presenting yourself to her parents as an honest person) also affected the outcome of the marriage.
Recommended readings for engaged couples:
Last edited 12/12/23