Most everyone knows that when they get angry their heart-rate and blood-pressure increases, as does their respiratory rate (they breath faster). And we know, from life's experiences, that we can cause another person's heart-rate and blood-pressure to increase simply by communicating with them. The key word here is "cause," —unless of course one is addicted to blaming.
- Researchers scheduled mother-father-child-therapy sessions and took urine samples from the child immediately after the child witnessed (and experienced) the angry verbally abusive blaming communications between the parents during the session. Tests revealed that a child's heart-rate and blood-pressure and respiratory rate increased and the child's stress hormone levels increased as they observed and experienced the abuse.* Further tests showed that the stress hormone levels did not return to normal unless/until the parents hugged again (in front of the child).**
If your energy, your conscious and unconscious intentions, the physical, psychic and sonic waves emanating from you, can negatively effect your partner's stress and immune system, their very health, can you imagine what it must be like for your child to experience twice as much violent energy as you both simultaneously submit him/her to your combined abusive unresolved interactions.***
* If one were to connect their child to an EKG machine and have him/her sit and draw in their bedroom, and if the parents, in the kitchen, started raising their voices, eventually angrily yelling at each other, slamming doors and cupboards, etc., the machine would reveal the physical effects their abuse had on their child. Every single instance of such trauma affects one for life—unless both parents verbally acknowledge the abuse to the child through to hugging.
** It's not the irresponsible blaming abusive arguing that causes the lasting damage, it's that most parents don't clean up each and every interaction through to mutual satisfaction and hugging in front of their child. Children learn how to cause and resolve upsets when they observe their parents communicating responsibly.
*** No matter what assurances and words a parent uses to try and convince their child that the fighting is not about them, a child can always always recall something for which they were YELLED at after which there was another fight; ergo, "I used to cause love so I must be causing the friction."
More about the long-term effects of yelling at, or around, your child
Last edited 12/29/23