Premises:
- A problem persists because it's not being defined accurately.1
- It works to talk with the person with whom you have an incomplete rather than cause the problem to persist another 24-hours. If you continue to share your considerations non-verbally,2 you will begin to notice poor performance, accidents, broken agreements and goals not met.
- All (yes all) withholds between employees affect everyone's outcomes (at home and work).
- To listen to (to create space for) another to trash-talk your boss is to thwart the person you are counting upon to prosper you. "Have you told ...?" is what works.
- A child who is misbehaving or failing is school is communicating, as best they know how, that they are not in-communication with anyone; they are dragging around one or more significant thoughts (withholds) into each interaction with everyone. Everyone around the child has lapsed into doing his/her imitation of communication.3
A responsible employee knows that any withholds between anyone in the company, affect everyone's outcomes (sales, happiness, health).
We can't blame the employee, the boss is still learning how to create a safe space for considerations to be shared spontaneously.
And so, you can go around your boss and share a problem with me (a Leadership-Relationship Communication-Skills Coach) and together we will discover what it will take to create a mutually satisfying outcome. The point being, for someone still working on spontaneity (acknowledging and disappearing their fear) it's advised to discuss a problem with someone else— providing you both are committed to handling the issue responsibly, that you will share the outcome of the conversation with your boss, and with the person you used to get clarity.
Step 1: To make sure that you are not the source of the problem or situation it would work for you to do The [free] Clearing Process for Professionals. The process is about restoring and maintaining your integrity; it reduces the possibility that a situation, or failed outcome, is a consequence of an unacknowledged perpetration of yours, that you might just be intending that everyone mirror your integrity, say, by thwarting you the way you have thwarted some others throughout life. Why are The Clearing Processes free and what else will you try to sell me? I don't think one should pay for learning (Privacy Policy.)
Step 2: After you have completed The [free] Clearing Process you can describe the problem to me. I'll reply with any feedback that may be of value. We'll keep communicating until you experience possibility.
1 Example of an inaccurately defined problem: "He (my boss) won't listen to me." (this is an irresponsible blame statement that produces undesirable results.) —as opposed to, "I don't know how to have him listen to me." or, "I use fear as a reason to not tell my boss the truth."
2 Thoughts communicated non-verbally have an effect. It could be said that couch potatoes rule the world. They get to be right, that other people are causing the messes. A pouting family member (dramatizing an upset) affects everyone's aliveness and health in the family—until the upset/incomplete is communicated responsibly.
3 Read, Open letter to Sue Klebold (Columbine parent). Sue, like the majority of parents, did not do anything similar to The Clearing Process for a Parent and a Young Person each evening. She wrote: "I had no idea that I was not in-communication with my son, that he was dragging around such anger, such thoughts."
Last edited 1/1/22