- Do you know if your help (your good ideas, your advice and suggestions) are going to be acted upon? Did your friend dump a problem in your space with zero intention of resolving it—do they still have the problem? Are you an enabler?
- Do you know if the source of a friend's problem has to do with his/her integrity?
- Do you know if the person you're giving advice to is on the way up or on the way down?** A person who drags around incompletes into every conversation (an energy sapper) someone with integrity issues, sets up life to crash and burn, most always taking someone down with them. I.e. An overweight partner focuses on trying to change their partner.
- Did you know that all divorced couples withheld a significant thought from each other on their very first date? A person addicted to withholding significant thoughts (beginning with family members from whom he/she hides one or more significant thoughts) magnetically attracts a fellow withholder. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon.
One valid test is for you to do The Clearing Process for Professionals*** and then invite them to do The Clearing Process; then, you both can do the Clearing Process for Couples.
If they accept your invitation you'll know they are open to being supported, to having you both win. The process is an excellent opportunity to address and acknowledged ego and arrogance (control/surrender addictions), and your own willingness to being supported. If you ignore this opportunity they too will ignore your support. Yikes!
The Clearing Process is about creating a foundation on which you both succeed. It's about creating/recreating/maintaining a condition of integrity.
The single-most common cause of breakdowns in communication between two is the significant thoughts both are withholding from each other. Such a couple is said to be out-integrity, neither is being completely honest with the other. (Ya, the word completely is redundant).
One of the main benefits of playing the integrity game is that when you "accidentally" stub your toe or your Smartphone malfunctions you'll know it's not about an unacknowledged perpetration.
* Supportable meaning—if you asked your partner to go to therapy with you, if you asked your partner to exercise with you, if you asked him/her to invite fellow employees over for a barbecue, would he/she welcome your support? Do you suspect/know he/she would decline your invitation for them to do The Clearing Process?
** Are you addicted to getting in the way of those clearly needing to crash and burn on their own? Do you set it up for others to dump problems in your space and then you unconsciously dump "good" advice on them which they don't take—the result being, that neither of you win big?
*** The Clearing Process is about restoring and maintaining one's integrity, for those willing to accept responsibility for the results they produce for themselves and for those around them.
Last edited 7/9/22