Generation after generation we high school graduates have been submitting our teachers to the humiliation of having to pathetically beg, or strike, for pay raises, supplies and maintenance funds. In communication coaching this behavior of ours is referred to as thwarting. Clearly we have not been trained to positively1 acknowledge our teachers, to bring our mentors along with us financially. I.e. Rarely does an upper-income high school graduate send gifts of appreciation to any teacher. The subject of acknowledgment is just not taught; what we do learn is covert thwarting (also referred to as couch potato leadership).
This phenomenon begs the question, what's the source of us thwarting our teachers?
Premise: Things were going well with a teacher and then something, an interaction, a communication with that specific teacher, and nothing has been the same since. It was one of many forks in the road for both the student and the teacher. That incident is referred to as an incomplete. What's missing in most of our relationships with teachers is an experience of love; there are too many stuffed thoughts (incompletes) between us; such thoughts serve as barriers to the experience of love, specifically, positive supportive love, and to manifesting ones stated intentions.
In a personal relationship unconscious thwarting begins when one partner communicates (verbally, non-verbally, physically, or psychically) in a way that doesn't feel good to the other—referred to as an abusive communication, and, who doesn't verbally acknowledge the abuse timely. I.e. Father to son: "I get that my yelling at you earlier today didn't feel good." An abuse that's not responsibly acknowledged remains as an incomplete in the back of the mind—affecting all outcomes—usually for life.
We have been been taught to communicate by education majors who themselves were taught by college/university speech-communication professors who use the Adversarial Communication Model (pass-fail, blaming, withholding, getting ahead at another's expense). Most2 high school grads have not been taught to communicate responsibly3 nor have they been guided so as to experientially discover the correlation between personal integrity and outcomes.
When someone withholds a significant thought from a significant other it automatically, instantaneously, (read about entanglement) causes the deceived partner to also withhold an equally significant thought.4 This deceit causes the relationship to be out-integrity. There's a perpetration in the space that's serving as a barrier to communication, to loving positive support. Most importantly, the unacknowledged perpetration serves as a barrier to manifesting ones stated intentions (such as a pay raise or communicating subject matter). I.e. Teachers nationwide sincerely believe they intend to achieve financial parity with their grads but they most always end up with something other than envisioned;5 this reveals that teachers, although they have an understanding about intention (as a communication variable) they have not been clear about their own intentions. What's worse, it reveals that educators (ostensibly leaders) are at effect of legislators. In truth, teachers are missing certain leadership-communication skills; leadership training is not included in any education major's curriculum which accounts for the fact that 25% of the nation's college freshman require remedial composition and comprehension courses to learn what their K-12 "teachers" failed to communicate.
This same thwarting phenomenon takes place between a student and a teacher. If a teacher doesn't conduct regularly scheduled clearings throughout the week they train (cause) students to withhold thoughts of disrespect, upsets and anger, which are later communicated to teachers come pay-raise voting time.6
Note #1: It's not that high school graduates (the community's citizens) consciously vote against pay raises, we do it unconsciously. At some level it doesn't seem right to pay teachers more because the mind (with its addiction to blaming) believes that if teachers had done their job, had they not been connable, we'd be more successful, especially in our relationships—at best we'd all have better penmanship.
Note #2: As with sales professionals, a teacher's wages perfectly mirror his/her leadership-communication skills. The leadership-communication skills it takes to effect satisfactory fundings are the exact same skills it takes to communicate subject matter (no reasons, no excuses).
1 "positively" refers to the fact that we have been (albeit irresponsibly and not generously) acknowledging our teachers. The problem is that the way we have been acknowledging teachers affects our own prosperity. Thwarting, even unconscious thwarting, has undesirable consequences. Teachers know that we think they don't deserve as much pay as mechanics or plumbers but they don't know exactly why (after all, thinks a teacher, we're the ones who taught them to succeed financially). Teachers are not skilled at identifying (the incident, the specific communication) that causes you to thwart them. Graduates have no easy convenient way of critiquing teachers effectively so teachers can't put in correction for the next year.
2 "most" refers to the exception of Mormon students whose religion teaches acknowledgment. Mormons tithe 10% of their income to the church. One obvious benefit of this acknowledgement is community prosperity. Rarely does one see a homeless/hungry Mormon.
3 "responsibly" Ask all the teachers in every school to write down the definition of the word responsible and you'll get as many different answers as there are teachers. Ergo, students, when they become parents, end up blaming each other for the breakdowns in communication.
4 All divorced couples (yes all) withheld a significant thought (a deal-breaker) from each other on their very first date; each unconsciously, non-verbally, gave the other permission to withhold certain thoughts. Both brought their addiction to deception into the relationship.
5 Columbine-type shooters daily communicated, non-verbally, that something was not right and none of their teachers had been trained how to acknowledge (to get) the anger. Sadly, most everyone at those schools did "observe" the shooter's behavior, however their observation skills (a subtle but effective way of communicating non-verbally/psychically) ensured more of the same behavior, it caused escalation—read about entanglement. Ironically, many fellow students reported that they could see the student's dramatizations of upset and anger; however, they, like their teachers, have not been taught the basic communication-skill of how to "get" another's anger. A misbehaving/failing student is communicating as best they know how that they are not in-communication with anyone. There are zero exceptions to this phenomenon. A child who is experiencing love (acknowledging validation) is driven to please.
6 Teachers have not studied how to consciously, positively, affect behaviors through acknowledgement; students are missing specific acknowledgment skills. That is to say, graduates do acknowledge teachers with low pay. The problem is that this irresponsible way of communicating keeps both teachers and graduates stuck; there is no protocol for how to support each other after graduation. A graduate's covert implied blaming communications being: "If you had not allowed me to con you, if you had known how to teach, I would be doing better. Although we did have some supportive conversations, I never experienced the experience of communication with you."
Leadership Tips for Teachers:
1) Two new prerequisites for education majors:
2) An aware principal conducts anonymous surveys each Friday. He/she hands students a list of the school's staff to be rated 1-10. Done anonymously it's an excellent tool for coaching teachers.
3) An aware principal provides an anonymous online teacher/school evaluation form for seniors and parents upon graduating.
4) There is another way of relating/communicating, another communication model, that produces favorable results for all concerned (read about the Communication-Skills Tutorial for Teachers). This other "way" (referred to as the Intentional Communication Model) can't presently be taught in universities because it requires that professors clear daily so as to restore and maintain their personal integrity. Also, it isn't done because students, when locating the source of their anger, get angry, cry and pout as they did with parents; they threaten to quit the course.
5) The leadership-communication skills it takes to effect satisfactory wages, supplies, and maintenance funds are the exact same skills it takes to communicate subject matter.
6) An aware principal schedules regular parent-teacher-graduate support groups. The bi-weekly support group addresses all relationship/communication problems. In effect, the support groups are about free follow-up education for graduates.
Last edited 2/7/21