- Test: If you are withholding one or more significant1 thoughts from your partner, if there's deceit in the relationship, then it's all over but the drama.
If you are married with children your withhold(s) with your partner are training your children to deceive you. A child has no choice other than to mirror the integrity of his/her parents. When a child tries to be like both parents, (one acting like the victim, the other acting like a controlling bully) it causes immense confusion; the child believes they (the child) are the source of the friction. i.e. "If only I were a better person my parents would be happy."3
What you might have "forgotten" is that you brought your addiction to deceit into the relationship, even before the first date.4 What's also true is that the thought you withheld from your partner on the first date, automatically, simultaneously, non-verbally, psychically, granted him/her permission to withhold thoughts of choice from you. Withholders magnetically attract withholders.
All "victims" of infidelity began the deceit on the very first date.5 I've yet to find any exceptions to this phenomenon. —Gabby
1 "Significant" meaning, if you shared the thought it would trigger disappointment, upset or anger. For example: During a first date the thought withheld is usually considered to be a deal-breaker—he/she would not date you again.
2 Due to the fact that the majority of parents have one or more significant thoughts they are withholding from each other they non-verbally, unconsciously, teach their children to deceive them, evidenced by the fact that most teens con each other into deceiving both sets of parents so as to have sex.
3 ". . . with whom you relate." For example: If your child is misbehaving or failing in school you can't be certain if it's a consequence of your out-integrity or simply your leadership-communication skills. Children are integrity meters, they can sense when the integrity is out between their parents (when there is a withhold in the space) —as such, they'll do whatever it takes (pout, cry, misbehave, fail in school, or even get sick) to draw to someone's attention that they are not in-communication with anyone—so as to restore the experience of love that once was.
4 There are no victims or bullies in a relationship, only couples addicted to abusing and being abused, to making each other wrong and to blaming. All "victims," using their leadership-communication skills, set up their partner to abuse them so as to make them wrong. Withholding a significant thought (especially your dating history) or the fact that your family is dysfunctional, is abusive.
5 To master relationship communication you must restore the integrity between you and your parents. Use The [free] Clearing Process —then, invite your partner to do it; after which you can then both do the The [free] Clearing Process for Couples. My promise: You'll experience intercourse like never before.
Note 1: If you are afraid to ask your partner to do The Clearing Process (if you intuit or know they would decline your invitation) then there is fear in your relationship; you will use your fear to destroy the relationship. Fear triggers disrespect.
Note 2: If you both do the processes you'll discover that you both are withholding the same number (exactly the same number) of thoughts from each other. Again, there are no exceptions to this phenomenon.
Last edited 1/6/18