Dear Gabby
I am not the type of person who talks about how they feel. people who knows me know I don't talk too much, and am happy with that. but now, I am so tired and I wanna say everything I feel. I have a looot of friends but no one can feel my pain, besides, I don't want to see the pity in their eyes. that's why iam writing this. maybe I'll feel better knowing that somewhere in this world someone will read this post and know what's going on in my life. it's like am not alone.
this month in all Muslim countries is ramadan. we supposed to feel happy in this month and get closer to god by praying and visit family and say sorry to the people we fought with and be happy and bla bla bla ... well I am not feeling anything. I just feel... numb. maybe because we're not a whole family anymore, we lost our brother and everything feel numb after he left. we were so close and we went to the same school and even we studied in the same grade since we were young till university. he was all my world, and after he left, my life turned upside down. no more sneaking out of class together without telling our parents, no more playing football together, no more watching the dumbest shows I ever saw together and laughing till we can't breathe. he used to wake me up every morning with a bucket of water and god how I get mad at him and throw everything I can touch at him. I missed that a lot.
I am so tired of smiling without laughing, of hearing without talking, of everything in this life, really there's nothing I like or love or even hate anymore. it's like life stopped for me and there's nothing holding me back and giving me some faith in this world.
we never talk about him at home, I never said IMISS U out loud. when u see us we r one happy family smiling and making jokes, but we are not. because every night my mom cry herself to sleep, and I hate that I have nothing to do to ease her pain. I HATE myself for that.
wait a minute................... u think he died don't u?!!. well that's the worst part. we doesn't know if he's alive or dead. we don't know anything about him, he just like..... disappeared. and we supposed to keep living our lives like that. that's what makes it soo hard and difficult to breath every time I think about how much I miss him. and they always tell us the same speech every time we ask about him: "no information available. just forget about him and keep living like normal people". well breaking news my beloved country..... I go to work, I eat, I go out with my friends, I sleep, I go to the beach, I hear music, I read books, I talk with people, I watch tv... but... I.AM.NOT.LIVING... I am dying.
you probably wondering what happened to her brother. well I don't have answers because I don't know either. dear gabby, what am I supposed to do? and please don't say you'll forget like all the others because I will not and it gets worst, it's like am loosing some air and it gets hard to breath day after day.
how am I supposed to live without my brother?
Re: how am I supposed to live without my brother?
Hi Evachalbi,
Thank you for writing. Your letter speaks to millions with the same problem. I get your grief, sadness and upset.
Communication works (which is entirely different than talking). For example, did you notice that you felt somewhat different after posting your question? If yes, then you communicated, if not, then you were just talking. Most people are addicted to talking so as to dramatize what's happening.
About talking. I had a B.A. and an M.A. in Speech-Communication, and had been teaching Sp-Com part-time at the university), and didn't have my first experience of communication until I had left the university. Schools and universities don't teach us to communicate, they just introduce us to the fundamentals and principles of communication, mastery is up to us.
Let me know what happened about your brother from the beginning. What was going on his life? What was going on in your life just before ...?
Allow that each verbal/written conversation does have an effect.* Communicate with the intention to disappear unwanted thoughts and emotions so as to create space for new experiences. Our thoughts generate our problems, new thoughts = new problems.
I strongly recommend that you do The [free] Clearing Process, else you'll keep having the same emotions and thinking the same thoughts over and over. I guarantee you'll feel and think somewhat differently upon clearing for five days in a row. New thoughts and emotions will pop to the surface, stuff your mind has hidden from you, stuff that's that get in the way of being whole and complete. The process is about restoring and maintaining your integrity. Think of clearing as a bucket of cold water to wake you up.
A clearing will allows us to eliminate the possibility that your problem is karmic, an unacknowledged perpetration that has been running you, and your brother.
Another recommendation: Read the definition of responsibility and post the thoughts that come up for you.
With aloha, Gabby
* You should be communicating everything, every thought, to everyone you meet, at the store, on the bus. etc. "I'm sad hurt, confused, angry, etc." —whatever you're thinking or experiencing at each moment.
Thank you for writing. Your letter speaks to millions with the same problem. I get your grief, sadness and upset.
Communication works (which is entirely different than talking). For example, did you notice that you felt somewhat different after posting your question? If yes, then you communicated, if not, then you were just talking. Most people are addicted to talking so as to dramatize what's happening.
About talking. I had a B.A. and an M.A. in Speech-Communication, and had been teaching Sp-Com part-time at the university), and didn't have my first experience of communication until I had left the university. Schools and universities don't teach us to communicate, they just introduce us to the fundamentals and principles of communication, mastery is up to us.
Let me know what happened about your brother from the beginning. What was going on his life? What was going on in your life just before ...?
Allow that each verbal/written conversation does have an effect.* Communicate with the intention to disappear unwanted thoughts and emotions so as to create space for new experiences. Our thoughts generate our problems, new thoughts = new problems.
I strongly recommend that you do The [free] Clearing Process, else you'll keep having the same emotions and thinking the same thoughts over and over. I guarantee you'll feel and think somewhat differently upon clearing for five days in a row. New thoughts and emotions will pop to the surface, stuff your mind has hidden from you, stuff that's that get in the way of being whole and complete. The process is about restoring and maintaining your integrity. Think of clearing as a bucket of cold water to wake you up.
A clearing will allows us to eliminate the possibility that your problem is karmic, an unacknowledged perpetration that has been running you, and your brother.Another recommendation: Read the definition of responsibility and post the thoughts that come up for you.
With aloha, Gabby
* You should be communicating everything, every thought, to everyone you meet, at the store, on the bus. etc. "I'm sad hurt, confused, angry, etc." —whatever you're thinking or experiencing at each moment.
Re: how am I supposed to live without my brother?
Dear Gabby
thank you for answering me, and just like you mentioned before, I really felt better once I clicked "send". I will seriously consider the offers you gave me. as for my brother, it's still hard to talk about him, since no one knows what happened besides my family. but you're right, maybe that's why I get worse day after day, because I trust no one and am afraid if I tell them they will walk away from my life too.
okay, I wil start from the beginning, we studied in high school for 4 years (In Tunisia highschool takes 4 years). at first they didn't know he was my brother they thought his my boyfriend because we always wear the same clothes we had identical shoes, bags, shirts... they couldn't believe he is my brother because we don't look alike at all. he had green eyes with golden hair, I have auburn eyes and honey colored hair. we used to get in a lot of trouble like sneaking out of class and then begging the teachers to not tell our parents. I remember once we took our uncle to the headmaster. he claimed to be our father. I am smiling right now just thinking about it.
we chose different majors in university. I studied international trade and he studied accounting, and that's when everything changed, he became stressed a lot and he didn't want to talk with us like he used to be. I thought it was probably because of the university because he didn't like accounting at all. I thought he'll get better. and that's exactly what happened, and he graduated after 3 years. then he told us I found a good job worth living for, we were so excited for him. his first day at his work I woke up late and didn't get the chance to tell him goodbye or good luck. he went..... and didn't come back. the police sayed nothing at first but then they told us he went to Syria.
I can't believe that. I will not believe that. and why would he do that, we were one happy family we didn't have problems and he didn't have any mental issues. I used to blame the family when I hear someone went to Syria or Iraq.
I have mixed feelings dear gabby, I want to hate him but I can't. just remembering his smile, his face, his playfulness, his .. everything I forget that i'm mad at him. I just wish I had the chance to say goodbye. you know since he left I woke up every day at 5am. that's when he left by the way. I couldn't wake up late even if I tried to.
here in Tunisia we don't look well to the family of people who went to syria or jihad or whatever you want to call it. that's why maybe I didn't tell no one. I think my best friend knows but she didn't mention it, because she didn't ask me about him since the day he left.
I really want to go to someplace where no one knows me. and maybe start over again. but it's hard, not with our financial this days anyway, we lost all our money on doctor bills because my mom got sick after he left. is it selfish dear gabby ? me wanting to start over? I couldn't even if I tried anyway, it's like there's invisible chains holding me back. every time I try to be happy and laugh from the bottom of my heart I remember him and go back to my dark shell.
thank you for answering me, and just like you mentioned before, I really felt better once I clicked "send". I will seriously consider the offers you gave me. as for my brother, it's still hard to talk about him, since no one knows what happened besides my family. but you're right, maybe that's why I get worse day after day, because I trust no one and am afraid if I tell them they will walk away from my life too.
okay, I wil start from the beginning, we studied in high school for 4 years (In Tunisia highschool takes 4 years). at first they didn't know he was my brother they thought his my boyfriend because we always wear the same clothes we had identical shoes, bags, shirts... they couldn't believe he is my brother because we don't look alike at all. he had green eyes with golden hair, I have auburn eyes and honey colored hair. we used to get in a lot of trouble like sneaking out of class and then begging the teachers to not tell our parents. I remember once we took our uncle to the headmaster. he claimed to be our father. I am smiling right now just thinking about it.
we chose different majors in university. I studied international trade and he studied accounting, and that's when everything changed, he became stressed a lot and he didn't want to talk with us like he used to be. I thought it was probably because of the university because he didn't like accounting at all. I thought he'll get better. and that's exactly what happened, and he graduated after 3 years. then he told us I found a good job worth living for, we were so excited for him. his first day at his work I woke up late and didn't get the chance to tell him goodbye or good luck. he went..... and didn't come back. the police sayed nothing at first but then they told us he went to Syria.
I can't believe that. I will not believe that. and why would he do that, we were one happy family we didn't have problems and he didn't have any mental issues. I used to blame the family when I hear someone went to Syria or Iraq.
I have mixed feelings dear gabby, I want to hate him but I can't. just remembering his smile, his face, his playfulness, his .. everything I forget that i'm mad at him. I just wish I had the chance to say goodbye. you know since he left I woke up every day at 5am. that's when he left by the way. I couldn't wake up late even if I tried to.
here in Tunisia we don't look well to the family of people who went to syria or jihad or whatever you want to call it. that's why maybe I didn't tell no one. I think my best friend knows but she didn't mention it, because she didn't ask me about him since the day he left.
I really want to go to someplace where no one knows me. and maybe start over again. but it's hard, not with our financial this days anyway, we lost all our money on doctor bills because my mom got sick after he left. is it selfish dear gabby ? me wanting to start over? I couldn't even if I tried anyway, it's like there's invisible chains holding me back. every time I try to be happy and laugh from the bottom of my heart I remember him and go back to my dark shell.
Re: how am I supposed to live without my brother?
Hi EvaChalbi,
Re: "I really felt better once I clicked "send"." Thank you.
I get "mixed feelings" and that you "...want to hate him." More betta to hate (resent/dislike) his behavior than hate him, yes? Our job is look and see what we did to drive him away from us. Once we responsibly acknowledge our cause the sadness will disappear.
Re: "then he told us I found a good job worth living for," This would have been a red flag for me. It would have communicated to me that (from his perspective) a normal job, or life is not worth living for.
I suspect that part of your sadness and grief (your incompleteness) is the realization that the closeness you thought you had, that you assumed that he was open and honest with you, was not true. Worse, that you weren't a safe space for him to tell the truth. Here in America we have teens leaving their family to join ISIS or shooting up their high school. Their parents always feign, "I didn't know he was unhappy" which reveals that they were unconscious, that they had become stuck doing their imitation of communication with each other. Can you now see that he had been communicating something (unhappiness, upset/anger) non-verbally?
What thoughts come up for you when you look to see if this is karma (a consequence) for some unacknowledged* perpetration of yours? Perhaps karma is not a Muslim thing?
* "unacknowledged" Something you did that you feel badly about, for which you have not been caught or haven't told anyone, or even have admitted to yourself, that you now know was unethical/abusive, perhaps a theft/lie, you perpetrated on another (such as unconsciously shunning a classmate that, unbeknownst to you, had a long lasting negative effect—that they have addressed during therapy) that you didn't realize at the time. Look for someone who would say that they feel as you do now because of the way you treated them. The Clearing Process helps the mind recall any such incompletes.
With aloha, Gabby
Re: "I really felt better once I clicked "send"." Thank you.
I get "mixed feelings" and that you "...want to hate him." More betta to hate (resent/dislike) his behavior than hate him, yes? Our job is look and see what we did to drive him away from us. Once we responsibly acknowledge our cause the sadness will disappear.
Re: "then he told us I found a good job worth living for," This would have been a red flag for me. It would have communicated to me that (from his perspective) a normal job, or life is not worth living for.
I suspect that part of your sadness and grief (your incompleteness) is the realization that the closeness you thought you had, that you assumed that he was open and honest with you, was not true. Worse, that you weren't a safe space for him to tell the truth. Here in America we have teens leaving their family to join ISIS or shooting up their high school. Their parents always feign, "I didn't know he was unhappy" which reveals that they were unconscious, that they had become stuck doing their imitation of communication with each other. Can you now see that he had been communicating something (unhappiness, upset/anger) non-verbally?
What thoughts come up for you when you look to see if this is karma (a consequence) for some unacknowledged* perpetration of yours? Perhaps karma is not a Muslim thing?
* "unacknowledged" Something you did that you feel badly about, for which you have not been caught or haven't told anyone, or even have admitted to yourself, that you now know was unethical/abusive, perhaps a theft/lie, you perpetrated on another (such as unconsciously shunning a classmate that, unbeknownst to you, had a long lasting negative effect—that they have addressed during therapy) that you didn't realize at the time. Look for someone who would say that they feel as you do now because of the way you treated them. The Clearing Process helps the mind recall any such incompletes.
With aloha, Gabby
Re: how am I supposed to live without my brother?
Dear Gabby
« a job worthing living for», since we were kids my brother wanted everything to be perfect. he got other job requests but he sayed they don't pay well. and I know he's not the hard working kind of person, he wants everything easily handed to him. so when he sayed "job worth living for" it was not a surprise for me because as he sayed they pay well and work less hours. it turned out he was lying, if I googled the name of the company, I'd have known there was no such thing. but I didn't. I was so busy with creating my own career I didn't pay attention.
"can I see that he had been communicating something". well no, like I sayed I didn't pay enough attention or maybe he was careful to not mention anything in front of us or did anything that made us suspicious.
one thing I know for sure, the last days he didn't want to spent a lot of hours with me like he used to be. even his favorite tv show didn't want to see it. I was dump enough that I thought ha was nervous about his new job, but looking back now, all that was a sign that something was wrong with him. it's not like my brother to stay a whole day without checking on me. but I chose my career over him.
I just want to know, does it get better? this feeling I mean. like I am in a dark windowless room. I know people who lost love ones get used to the pain and learn to live with it. but I couldn't. believe me Gabby I tried, I even went to a beach picnic for a whole day with my friends, and I laughed so hard with them, I even laughed at the dumbest jokes ever. but deep down it was all fake, like it doesn't feel right. there's an inner voice telling me you'r not supposed to do that. how could you laugh and enjoy your time like that? you're not that Eva anymore.
P.S: I believe in Karma
E.C
« a job worthing living for», since we were kids my brother wanted everything to be perfect. he got other job requests but he sayed they don't pay well. and I know he's not the hard working kind of person, he wants everything easily handed to him. so when he sayed "job worth living for" it was not a surprise for me because as he sayed they pay well and work less hours. it turned out he was lying, if I googled the name of the company, I'd have known there was no such thing. but I didn't. I was so busy with creating my own career I didn't pay attention.
"can I see that he had been communicating something". well no, like I sayed I didn't pay enough attention or maybe he was careful to not mention anything in front of us or did anything that made us suspicious.
one thing I know for sure, the last days he didn't want to spent a lot of hours with me like he used to be. even his favorite tv show didn't want to see it. I was dump enough that I thought ha was nervous about his new job, but looking back now, all that was a sign that something was wrong with him. it's not like my brother to stay a whole day without checking on me. but I chose my career over him.
I just want to know, does it get better? this feeling I mean. like I am in a dark windowless room. I know people who lost love ones get used to the pain and learn to live with it. but I couldn't. believe me Gabby I tried, I even went to a beach picnic for a whole day with my friends, and I laughed so hard with them, I even laughed at the dumbest jokes ever. but deep down it was all fake, like it doesn't feel right. there's an inner voice telling me you'r not supposed to do that. how could you laugh and enjoy your time like that? you're not that Eva anymore.
P.S: I believe in Karma
E.C
Re: how am I supposed to live without my brother?
Hi
Re: "I just want to know, does it get better?" Yes and no. Yes, if you communicate what's so for you (when you're having unwanted thoughts, with the person whom you are with) at that very moment. No, if you withhold thoughts from most everyone.
To complete your experience you will have to identify precisely what the problem is and share it here. The mind needs to be right, that one can't disappear grief with a communication— "Everyone knows that it takes a long time." It could be said that it will bother you until you don't need to have it bother you any more. Many survivors become stuck dramatizing their grief, in part because they don't have a purpose. A person who is on purpose, such as a soldier in battle who is just too busy to grieve, so too is a person who is on purpose with his/her purpose in life. The mind would simply say to itself, "He's gone, that's what's so." and then share verbally with anyone when needed. The word verbally is to remind you that you are communicating everything non-verbally; others can get that there's something going on they just don't know what. So, it's more ethical to verbalize it rather than control them by causing them to guess, and wonder, and feel badly for not being able to support you.
Again, did you feel somewhat better after you posted? One communicates to be right that sharing doesn't work or one shares to empty the mind, to create a little space for other intentions.
With aloha, Gabby
Re: "I just want to know, does it get better?" Yes and no. Yes, if you communicate what's so for you (when you're having unwanted thoughts, with the person whom you are with) at that very moment. No, if you withhold thoughts from most everyone.
To complete your experience you will have to identify precisely what the problem is and share it here. The mind needs to be right, that one can't disappear grief with a communication— "Everyone knows that it takes a long time." It could be said that it will bother you until you don't need to have it bother you any more. Many survivors become stuck dramatizing their grief, in part because they don't have a purpose. A person who is on purpose, such as a soldier in battle who is just too busy to grieve, so too is a person who is on purpose with his/her purpose in life. The mind would simply say to itself, "He's gone, that's what's so." and then share verbally with anyone when needed. The word verbally is to remind you that you are communicating everything non-verbally; others can get that there's something going on they just don't know what. So, it's more ethical to verbalize it rather than control them by causing them to guess, and wonder, and feel badly for not being able to support you.
Again, did you feel somewhat better after you posted? One communicates to be right that sharing doesn't work or one shares to empty the mind, to create a little space for other intentions.
With aloha, Gabby
Re: how am I supposed to live without my brother?
Dear Gabby
last week I was reading a book and they mentioned about this site. I didn't know It existed before then. It's kind of weird but I felt hope. when I googled it I was hoping it's not just a virtual website and I was sooo relieved when I found it really does exist. so thank you for your help. even if I didn't talk about my issues face2face with anybody else, but talking to you makes me feel better. especially that I read out loud all my messages after sending them.
E.C
last week I was reading a book and they mentioned about this site. I didn't know It existed before then. It's kind of weird but I felt hope. when I googled it I was hoping it's not just a virtual website and I was sooo relieved when I found it really does exist. so thank you for your help. even if I didn't talk about my issues face2face with anybody else, but talking to you makes me feel better. especially that I read out loud all my messages after sending them.
E.C
Re: how am I supposed to live without my brother?
Hi E.C.,
Thank you for the acknowledgment. You are most welcome. What was the name of the publication that recommended our web?
"To complete your experience you will have to identify precisely what the problem is and share it here." "is" meaning, right now, today. Please describe what you're experiencing right now. The mind has a tendency of dragging what it was feeling/thinking yesterday into each new day; it's referred to as dramatizing an upset—so it (the mind, not your enlightened self) might describe what you were experiencing a few days ago before posting, so look to see what's there now, this moment.* If we do a good job we should be noticing a difference, not good not bad just different.
Please read the definition of the word responsible and post your thoughts about it here.
What we're intending is for the emotional charge to disappear and all you'll have is the memory of this incident, without grief/sadness. It will have the same charge as what you had for breakfast, (a what's so). From time to time sadness, upset, grief, and anger will appear but you'll now have a way of disappearing (via communication) each reoccurring unwanted persistent emotion/thought.
If you can, find someone who will do The Clearing Process so that you'll have at least one person, besides me, with whom you can be completely spontaneously open and honest, zero significant thoughts withheld. Note: It's virtually impossible to experience communication with someone who has not shared all of their childhood perpetrations. I have a stepsister, from whom I am estranged, who can't bring herself to do The Clearing Process because she's hiding some thing (she believes to be horrendously unforgivable/embarrassing) that she can't/won't share. Ergo, she can't be completely honest with anyone, nor can she attract a completely honest person. A person who can't be honest about childhood perps automatically attracts like-minded new people into their life, people who are also addicted to withholding-deceiving. I have not found any exceptions to this phenomenon.
You're doing great. Thank you, Gabby
PS: Reminder. Once I read a person's clearing, I delete it completely, so should you from your computer/phone. We're communicating to completely disappear unwanted thoughts. Some therapists use a similar process in which they have you write an unwanted thought/emotion on paper and then have you burn the paper.
PPS: Check back from time to time; I usually re-read my posts and make minor edits/corrections. I'm still finding grammar errors from posts I made 20-years ago, back when I was even more unconscious.
PPPS: You can request to have these posts deleted, however, others who read them often discover answers to a problem/question they were thinking of posting—so our coms are serving others.
* Often TV viewers of someone on trial say, "They sure don't look sad or remorseful." What few fail to realize is that the defendant has been in custody for months, all the time talking about (describing the incident) to attorneys, therapists, and cell mates, so much so that they are complete; they have unknowingly processed their grief, if anything, they are numb.
Thank you for the acknowledgment. You are most welcome. What was the name of the publication that recommended our web?
"To complete your experience you will have to identify precisely what the problem is and share it here." "is" meaning, right now, today. Please describe what you're experiencing right now. The mind has a tendency of dragging what it was feeling/thinking yesterday into each new day; it's referred to as dramatizing an upset—so it (the mind, not your enlightened self) might describe what you were experiencing a few days ago before posting, so look to see what's there now, this moment.* If we do a good job we should be noticing a difference, not good not bad just different.
Please read the definition of the word responsible and post your thoughts about it here.
What we're intending is for the emotional charge to disappear and all you'll have is the memory of this incident, without grief/sadness. It will have the same charge as what you had for breakfast, (a what's so). From time to time sadness, upset, grief, and anger will appear but you'll now have a way of disappearing (via communication) each reoccurring unwanted persistent emotion/thought.
If you can, find someone who will do The Clearing Process so that you'll have at least one person, besides me, with whom you can be completely spontaneously open and honest, zero significant thoughts withheld. Note: It's virtually impossible to experience communication with someone who has not shared all of their childhood perpetrations. I have a stepsister, from whom I am estranged, who can't bring herself to do The Clearing Process because she's hiding some thing (she believes to be horrendously unforgivable/embarrassing) that she can't/won't share. Ergo, she can't be completely honest with anyone, nor can she attract a completely honest person. A person who can't be honest about childhood perps automatically attracts like-minded new people into their life, people who are also addicted to withholding-deceiving. I have not found any exceptions to this phenomenon.
You're doing great. Thank you, Gabby
PS: Reminder. Once I read a person's clearing, I delete it completely, so should you from your computer/phone. We're communicating to completely disappear unwanted thoughts. Some therapists use a similar process in which they have you write an unwanted thought/emotion on paper and then have you burn the paper.
PPS: Check back from time to time; I usually re-read my posts and make minor edits/corrections. I'm still finding grammar errors from posts I made 20-years ago, back when I was even more unconscious.
PPPS: You can request to have these posts deleted, however, others who read them often discover answers to a problem/question they were thinking of posting—so our coms are serving others.
* Often TV viewers of someone on trial say, "They sure don't look sad or remorseful." What few fail to realize is that the defendant has been in custody for months, all the time talking about (describing the incident) to attorneys, therapists, and cell mates, so much so that they are complete; they have unknowingly processed their grief, if anything, they are numb.
Re: how am I supposed to live without my brother?
Dear Gabby
The name of the book is "midnight sun" written by "Trish Cook".
"try to be honest"... well I am not used to talk with anyone about how I feel, even when am hurt I don't say "owww that hurts". I keep saying out loud "am okay, am okay..." I remember once I was burned with hot water like a year ago, my mom was screaming, and I was hurting so bad but I kept saying "I am fine" several times. so I don't like speaking about myself and how I feel. that's why maybe am not good with being honest, but if it will make me feel better I will try my best.
THE PROBLEM is, I gaved the passport to my brother with my own hands.
first you have to know that all legal papers of my family are with me because they loose them all the time " passport, ID's, diploma's..." That day he told me my new boss wants to see a copy of my passport, I told him no at first because it's not commun that they ask to see it in job interviews. but then he convinced me he will give it back to me the day after and he sayed it's not a big deal. I believed him like a fool. I know iknow, don't say it Gabby. I AM A DUMP. the police sayed that even if I didn't gave it to him, he'll find another way. but I can't forgive myself. I am responsible for our lost.
"find someone else to talk to". I will try as you suggested.
PS: the clearing process is helping thank you.
E.C
The name of the book is "midnight sun" written by "Trish Cook".
"try to be honest"... well I am not used to talk with anyone about how I feel, even when am hurt I don't say "owww that hurts". I keep saying out loud "am okay, am okay..." I remember once I was burned with hot water like a year ago, my mom was screaming, and I was hurting so bad but I kept saying "I am fine" several times. so I don't like speaking about myself and how I feel. that's why maybe am not good with being honest, but if it will make me feel better I will try my best.
THE PROBLEM is, I gaved the passport to my brother with my own hands.
first you have to know that all legal papers of my family are with me because they loose them all the time " passport, ID's, diploma's..." That day he told me my new boss wants to see a copy of my passport, I told him no at first because it's not commun that they ask to see it in job interviews. but then he convinced me he will give it back to me the day after and he sayed it's not a big deal. I believed him like a fool. I know iknow, don't say it Gabby. I AM A DUMP. the police sayed that even if I didn't gave it to him, he'll find another way. but I can't forgive myself. I am responsible for our lost.
"find someone else to talk to". I will try as you suggested.
PS: the clearing process is helping thank you.
E.C
Re: how am I supposed to live without my brother?
Hi E.C.
Re: "... once I was burned with hot water ..." Stated responsibly it would read, "I burned myself" or, "Somehow I unconsciously caused XXX to burn me."
Re: "Please read the definition of the word responsible and post your thoughts about it here." To ignore another's request is abusive. It doesn't feel good. Perhaps you have ignored other's questions? We're looking to see what is about your integrity that created your brother situation. If you were unconscious and just didn't read my request then it suggests that your mind is cluttered with incompletes, so many that you are unconscious, not here and now. Or, if you consciously chose to not read and reply to my request then there's a withhold between us.
Re: "THE PROBLEM is, I gaved the passport to my brother with my own hands." No, that's just one of the reasons for your upset and grief. What we're looking for is the source of the problem. We're looking for an earlier similar incident, one in which you did a similar thing to another or another did it to you, or you observed it happening between two. The incident got someone in trouble, someone did, as you say, a "dumb" thing. The incident contained deceit, and either you duped another or you were duped by another. I suspect this is not the first time your silence (specifically withholding thoughts, perhaps pretending to not know) has had undesirable consequences.
Re: "I told him no at first because ..." Cons attract cons; he conned you therefore you must have conned him or others. How did he know, with certainty, that your no's don't always mean no? —that he could con you.
Re: "... but then he convinced me he will give it back to me ..." This was not the first time he lied to you nor was it the first time you conned him. One con is to give in to another so as to not disappoint, or to prove love, or just to remain friends.
I scanned Midnight Sun and didn't find any reference to clearing or Community Communications. Perhaps another book?
With aloha, Kerry
Re: "... once I was burned with hot water ..." Stated responsibly it would read, "I burned myself" or, "Somehow I unconsciously caused XXX to burn me."
Re: "Please read the definition of the word responsible and post your thoughts about it here." To ignore another's request is abusive. It doesn't feel good. Perhaps you have ignored other's questions? We're looking to see what is about your integrity that created your brother situation. If you were unconscious and just didn't read my request then it suggests that your mind is cluttered with incompletes, so many that you are unconscious, not here and now. Or, if you consciously chose to not read and reply to my request then there's a withhold between us.
Re: "THE PROBLEM is, I gaved the passport to my brother with my own hands." No, that's just one of the reasons for your upset and grief. What we're looking for is the source of the problem. We're looking for an earlier similar incident, one in which you did a similar thing to another or another did it to you, or you observed it happening between two. The incident got someone in trouble, someone did, as you say, a "dumb" thing. The incident contained deceit, and either you duped another or you were duped by another. I suspect this is not the first time your silence (specifically withholding thoughts, perhaps pretending to not know) has had undesirable consequences.
Re: "I told him no at first because ..." Cons attract cons; he conned you therefore you must have conned him or others. How did he know, with certainty, that your no's don't always mean no? —that he could con you.
Re: "... but then he convinced me he will give it back to me ..." This was not the first time he lied to you nor was it the first time you conned him. One con is to give in to another so as to not disappoint, or to prove love, or just to remain friends.
I scanned Midnight Sun and didn't find any reference to clearing or Community Communications. Perhaps another book?
With aloha, Kerry
Re: how am I supposed to live without my brother?
Dear Gabby
Responsibility is a big thing to me. everyone who is responsible for something must took care of it no matter what the circumstances. For exemple a babysitter, she is responsible of taking care of kids. and if by any chance one of the kids get hurt. the parents will automatically blame her, even if she didn't do anything. and everyone will look at her with that look, like she's the RESPONSIBLE.
for me responsibility is a commitment.
PS: midnight sun chapter 5, when morgan was talking with katie about Charlie, she mentioned DearGabby.
E.C
Responsibility is a big thing to me. everyone who is responsible for something must took care of it no matter what the circumstances. For exemple a babysitter, she is responsible of taking care of kids. and if by any chance one of the kids get hurt. the parents will automatically blame her, even if she didn't do anything. and everyone will look at her with that look, like she's the RESPONSIBLE.
for me responsibility is a commitment.
PS: midnight sun chapter 5, when morgan was talking with katie about Charlie, she mentioned DearGabby.
E.C
Re: how am I supposed to live without my brother?
Hi E.C.
Responsibility begins with the willingness to communicate from the point of view of cause, from how I caused it. I find it works to relate with those who operate from this same definition, else, the relationship becomes fraught with blaming make-wrongs. Responsibility is a so what! "Yes, I'm willing to look and see how I caused the baby to die." Or, "I don't see how I caused the baby's death but I'm willing to talk about it from that point of view." It only means something to someone who resists being cause.
Thanks for the Dear Gabby credit. Mine has been at the top of Google for about 20 years, however there are about 50 other Dear Gabby websites; she could have been referencing another Dear Gabby.
With aloha, Gabby
Responsibility begins with the willingness to communicate from the point of view of cause, from how I caused it. I find it works to relate with those who operate from this same definition, else, the relationship becomes fraught with blaming make-wrongs. Responsibility is a so what! "Yes, I'm willing to look and see how I caused the baby to die." Or, "I don't see how I caused the baby's death but I'm willing to talk about it from that point of view." It only means something to someone who resists being cause.
Thanks for the Dear Gabby credit. Mine has been at the top of Google for about 20 years, however there are about 50 other Dear Gabby websites; she could have been referencing another Dear Gabby.
With aloha, Gabby