16yr old Pro Life sister gets pregnant

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iclimbtrees
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:31 pm

16yr old Pro Life sister gets pregnant

Postby iclimbtrees » Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:17 pm

Now let me start this off by saying that I fully understand that my sister (lets call her *Joan*) is her own person and this is her own life. Also I do not want to offend anyone on this board with my views or morals on this situation. I am simply here for another perspective.
I am 21, we have a brother of 26, a mother of 47 and a father of 53. My mother and father are habitual alcoholics. Daily they take on emptying an entire 1 to 2 liter bottle of their favorite at the moment, vodka. Mostly it is my mom who is the drinker but my dad isn't a saint either. He's the enabler in this situation. My mother has verbally abused all three of us for the past seven or eight years now and he has done nothing about it. There was an attempt made here or there a few times slowly tapering off as the years have gone by but every time he attempts to stand up for his kids he is met with hostility and nothing but excuses from our mom in which he will always digress to. It was very hard on all of us, my brother was in and out of the household since he was 18 to 22 and I moved out at 18 and left from Ohio to Texas when I was 19. My sister has been the only one living there for the past 2 years. A week ago Joan moved in with her boyfriend, *Josh*. This is supposedly the man in which she conceived with, but that can not be determined 100%. She slept with not only Josh but two other guys too. Its one of three and she is not willing to admit that. We've talked about it several times but she always ends up yelling over me and not letting me talk about it, and if I continue to try to broach the subject she hangs up on me. Anything that is relevant and important in her life that is or may be effecting others she refuses to talk about, to anyone. Joan has always been some what manipulative with my parents and every one else that will let her be. My brother and I have always been able to crack her when she tries to pull something on us. She left her email open one day (I know that this is an awful thing to do to invade someone's privacy, but this was around the time when she started smoking pot all the time so I felt that it was necessary, although looking back now I wish I hadnt) and I looked around and came to the conclusion that she had posted over 100 different profiles on several different sites. In which she was always herself, but a completely different person. There were some profiles of her with pictures of herself half nude, let me tell you that she started some of these at the age of 13, and onr of them was of her completely nude. Anyways once I figured all these things out from her email being open, I realized how closed off to me she was. We got closer but never did she tell me about her secret online identities. I know that she has several friends that she talks to daily thats she met from these sites, all guys even though she is bi-sexual. I am not a therapist but I read a lot and she sounds like a sociopath or on the way to becoming one. I am scared and worried for her life and now she is going to be bringing some one else into it.... a child. She has 3 high school credits because she has been skipping high school and getting kicked out etc, she has had a job now for one week that she just quit, she does not have a car, and her boyfriend Josh (17) cannot get a car because he got caught with scales in his car from selling weed so his license is suspended until he's 21. My mom kicked her out of the house even though she is on probation forbidding her to leave the house, our mom said "Go get f*cked some where else and lie on your back there because I do not want to have to deal with your pot smoking and f*cking all these guys in my house! Go be a whore elsewhere cause I do not want you here." Also my sister has been trying to get pregnant for 3 months unknown to any of us until yesterday when my mom saw her email too and read emails on there talking to some other guy about how she wants a kid to have someone that loves her unconditionally that she can love back. She is 9 almost 10 weeks. It is very clear to me what she is doing and why she is doing it, but that does not in any way at all make this the right thing to do. She doesn't know who's kid it is, she has absolutely no support system for this, (let me clarify on that a little. My parents may be supportive of her decision because they've said that there is nothing they can do but they can barely take care of themselves let alone her and her new baby. She is living with Joshs parents but no one has talked it out parent to parent on how long that will last or even if it was okay for her to be there. She just is and hoping it goes well.) she has no job, she has no desire to get a job, she is having a kid for all the wrong reasons and no one is even making the attempt to try to tell her or talk to her about anything that has to do with her pregnancy but me and my brother. We've tried several times but we cant even get her to talk to us about it. Oh, she was also taking several anti-psychotics and anti-depressants before she has this pregnancy for about a 2 year period and was continuing to take them until 3 weeks ago when she found out, she has had one ultrasound but it is too soon to tell if it will be alright or not. My parents are lazy incompetent a**holes who don't even care about themselves, my brother is currently in L.A. with his girlfriend and I'm in Texas. Tell me if I'm crazy and throwing my emotions into a trash can because that's what this feels like. I'm tired of all this abuse in our family and I want out. Is it okay to leave? I do not know what to do about any of this at all. Please help,
Lost and confused in Texas

Gabby
Site Admin
Posts: 385
Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2005 11:24 am

Re: 16yr old Pro Life sister gets pregnant

Postby Gabby » Sun Jun 22, 2008 12:13 am

Hi iclimbtrees,

It doesn't sound as though you've acknowledged your addiction to abuse, to abusing and being abused. None of your family members stand a chance of healing as long as you keep interacting with any of them, such is your power.

Your post is wrought with lies. Each lie whether your aware of it or not has undesirable consequences.

    "I am simply here for another perspective." Not so.

    "He's the enabler in this situation." Yes, equally as much an enabler as is your mother and yourself.

    "...he has done nothing about it." Silence is something, it's a very powerful effective communication.

    "Joan has always been some what manipulative with my parents" equally as much as you.

    "It is very clear to me what she is doing and why she is doing it," You fail to mention what you're doing to cause this mess and why.

    "We've tried several times but we cant even get her to talk to us about it." This is the most revealing lie. It's a covert blame statement. Notice your use of the word "we've." It denies your responsibility. "I can't get into communication with her." would be the truth.

    ". . . who don't even care about themselves, " Not true.

    "Tell me if I'm crazy and throwing my emotions into a trash can " OK. Now what? You have not had a choice to do otherwise, such is your addiction—up until this reply.

    "I'm tired of all this abuse in our family and I want out." This statement has the same weight as an alcoholic who says I want to stop drinking and they continue drinking. Notice that after posting you still have the same problems. You didn't post to effect a transformation, you posted so as to blame and complain. My sense tells me you'll still be interacting with one or more of them six months from now.

    "Is it okay to leave?" Who told you that you must hang around abusive people be they family or just friends? I love and admire rattle snakes but I don't live with them. Recessing yourself from a relationship doesn't mean you don't love them.

I'd explain how to responsibly recess yourself from all of them but I have no sense at all that you're willing to issue them all a "therapy ultimatum" and start a new life; estrangement is much like the Federal Witness Relocation Program —no contact whatsoever, until they each complete 60 hours of therapy and have not had a drink for six months in a row. It's not that they can't or won't do it, it's that you won't insist that they heal, in part because you need your adrenaline fix of abuse and drama. You need 60 hours of counseling/therapy/coaching.

Please don't post again until you can tell me you've moved out, have not interacted with any of them for six months in a row, and have been engaged in some form of therapy/self awareness program.

Thank you for reaching out. Your post is wonderful, it speaks for millions (yes millions, just in the USA alone) of family members with the identical problem.

With aloha,

Gabby

Last edited 2/28/16


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