Commitment test for couples

 

One way to ensure that your partner is aligned with your commitment to having open and honest communication is to ask him/her to do the Clearing Process for Couples with you; if he/she declines your invitation (always for reasons) you'll discover something about intention and your leadership-communication skills.

The Clearing Process for Couples is about creating a safe space for both you and your partner to verbally communicate all withholds to each other. Withholds are thoughts withheld for reasons; a withhold serves as a barrier to the experience of love and to manifesting the results you say you want.

"Verbally communicate" refers to the fact that you both are communicating your withholds to each other but non-verbally. You both have accumulated an equal number of thoughts that you are withholding from each other. These withholds are being communicated non-verbally daily, they are the source of all miscommunications, condescensions, put-downs, make-wrongs, dramatized angers, take-aways, broken agreements, and arguments. It is impossible for one partner to have withholds and the other to have none. A thought you withhold from your partner automatically causes (yes causes) to withhold his/her thought of choice from you. A person who communicates openly and honestly can see these withholds on your face—you simply look bound up, not happy, lacking vibrancy—it's an aura thing.

If your partner declines your invitation to do The Couple's Clearing Process then you have a serious problem, if only that you are stuck; specifically, your leadership-communication skills produce mediocrity. What's missing is a commitment to having an ever-expanding, joyous, mutually-satisfying relationship.

Think back to when you first began dating if you had suggested doing a communication process that would enhance the experience of love it's almost certain your partner would have agreed. If you are afraid to ask now, or if you think, believe, or know that your partner won't do the process with you then it's all over but the drama. You are using your fear to destroy the relationship; it's never ever the other person. Later you will blame them for the divorce.

If your relationship is such that your partner now refuses to allow you to support them in growing, then I recommend that you do The Clearing Process. It supports ones communications being consistent with his/her intentions. That is to say, if the results you've been producing with your leadership-communication skills aren't what you say you want then you have not been clear about your intentions. The Clearing Process will reveal what your intentions have been and create space for you to formulate new intentions.

Note: When children detect a breakdown in communication between parents, when they sense a withhold in the space, when they sense a verbally unacknowledged perpetration (a deceit) in the space, when they sense the experience of love between parents is missing, it bothers them. They don't know what to do. It creates confusion and fear so they begin to misbehave, fail, and even get sick; they do anything to restore the experience of integrity, of communication (of love) that once was. When nothing else works they dramatize the breakdown by bringing in help such as teachers or even the police. Children are integrity meters. When all's well they are happy and they do whatever it takes to make their parents happy and proud.

Last edited 2/17/21

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