Do you know what percent of divorced couples consulted a communication consultant
before they get divorced?
I don't, I thought maybe you did.
I do
know that in 44 years of coaching not one person.
My guess is that
approximately 99.999% of divorced couples don't consult a communication
consultant/coach. It's just not commonly thought of. Usually it's the CEO's of
corporations that hire communication-skills consultants, they have to
answer to stock holders for
the effects of their communications. They can't afford to go to bed with
an upset in the air.
Why don't people think to call an expert in communication when they are having a
relationship communication problem? We're assuming here that you agree that
all results are produced through communication, the good , the bad, and the
ugly.
Here's three factors:
I think it has
something to do with ego and arrogance. I can do it myself, thank you!
I think it has to do
with the fact that a consultant becomes a witness and saboteurs don't like
witnesses. Victims need to hold on to the belief that the other person is
mainly responsible for the mess. A communication-skills coach can see
clearly what each are doing to destroy the relationship.
Lastly, I think most
people are addicted to their adversarial communication model, therefore
they honestly have no choice.
I do know it takes many divorcees a long time to acknowledge that they masterminded the
marriage towards divorce (especially those who unconsciously manipulated
their partner into initiating the divorce) that they unconsciously intended it to fail. It blows the mind, because the
mind truly believed it was doing everything to make it work (everything that is, but to
call someone who would provide responsible communication coaching). Taking responsibility
is the only way to drop the blame and victimization act.
One of the hardest things to take responsibility for is
for driving your spouse into
the arms of another. Another is, what you did or did not do that caused the fights.
What communications must you deliver to goad another into hitting you?
Someone addicted to the adversarial communication model, to blaming, will not allow these questions to be asked, nor are they
capable of answering them truthfully without coaching, therefore, they will not seek out a communication
consultant.
A consultant is trained to facilitate both parties to acknowledge
their responsibility in the matter. It's virtually impossible to sue another disproportionately
when one becomes clear it is they who have been intending a divorce. As the song goes,
"Waking up is hard to do."
If your intent is to have the relationship work and your spouse's intent is to have the
relationship work then a consultant will absolutely succeed in facilitating
mutually satisfying communication.
Go here to schedule a 3-hr consultation.
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