DEAR ABBY: I have been HIV-positive for more than 20 years and I am in good health. I never told anyone in my family about it.

I have now returned to my hometown after being away for 40-plus years. I want to tell my father and brothers that I'm HIV-positive, but I don't want to alarm them or have them start meddling in my life. I feel like I'm lying by not telling them. What should I do? —I'VE GOT A SECRET

Abby's Reply:

DEAR GOT A SECRET: Maintaining one's privacy is not lying. Because your intuition tells you that if you disclose your HIV status to your family they will be "alarmed or start meddling," don't do it. You're in good health, your HIV is being well managed and the only person who has to know is your sex partner. —Abby

Gabby's Reply:

Dear Secret: The feeling you have about lying is your integrity at work. To your credit you still hold that deceit is a thought consciously withheld and, that if you choose to withhold it from your parents you would in fact be living a lie; you'd be presenting them with your "honest act" —not exactly a gift of love (read about the effects of withholds).

What's also true is that when you choose to withhold a thought you automatically, non-verbally, give others permission to withhold their thoughts of choice from you.

The answer: How would you want your child/partner to handle such an issue with you? Arrogance is thinking that another is not as big as, as compassionate as, you are.

Is it possible that this quandary is about an earlier and similar incident—during childhood? Perhaps back then you elected to deceive someone and you have yet to acknowledge the consequences, the karma, of that decision?

You might get value from reading Communications in Support of Health —the correlation between personal integrity and outcomes.

For certain there are several hundred conversations you need to have with your parents so as to be complete. Think of it as an opportunity to start all over but with impeccable integrity.

I recommend that you do The Clearing Process, —it's free. It will support you in restoring and maintaining your integrity—most importantly, it will allow you to recall the first instance of deceit in your life after which nothing was ever the same.  —Gabby 

Use this Comment form for comments/feedback.

Comments

Add Image

 

Not using Html Comment Box  yet?

To ask a question please go to Dear Gabby's Message Board (free - registration required).

Check back occasionally for minor edits (last edited 7/15/21)