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Hi Just: Some people have been raised to be honest, others to be deceitful and still others to be polite (read—not be open and honest, to be deceitful by omission); most people react according to their programming, few are conscious enough to choose to "be" in the moment. A conscious ethical person can discuss their thoughts (considerations)* spontaneously with the person they are with. A person who is conscious, one who is whole and complete, operates in the here and now, consequently they have a choice, to tell the truth, to be deceptive, or to be polite. That is to say, they are neither a lying, nor a truth-telling, machine. However, they seldom choose to lie because they know it doesn't work. That, and they have a commitment to be open, honest, and spontaneous, thereby creating space for what they expect of others. People programmed to be polite cannot be trusted to say what's on their mind; a relationship with them is always with their "polite act," with few glimpses as to who they are (who we are is everyman/everyone). When I lie, when I'm not totally truthful,
when I withhold a thought (always for good
reasons) I'm out-integrity. It doesn't feel
good. I can't totally be with the next
person; part of my consciousness is sapped
by the incomplete, the lie. Now if you lie
and it doesn't appear to bother you then it
reveals you have so many other incompletes that
you don't notice the effects of just one
more perpetration. In which case, not to
worry. Your integrity will set up life for
you to crash and burn to give you an
opportunity to clean up the messes. The
Clearing House supports
one in completing life's incompletes. It's
free.
I'm more concerned about your relationship
with your parents. These are conversations
you were supposed to have had with them way
before night-clubbing. For you to ask now
reveals that you are part of the problem
rather than living exemplary. You are stuck
being the "type" of girl men talk about and
unconsciously treat disrespectfully right up
front, even before you open your mouth. It's
an aura thing. An honest woman exudes an
aura that even determines (karmically) who
approaches her. A girl/woman who would
lie/deceive cannot but attract a man with
the same integrity. The
leadership-communication model you walk into
a situation with determines the integrity of
the person who will approach you. There are
no exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon. Dating is the time
when you practice your truth-telling skills,
it's when you identify, confront, and
disappear your specific fears about telling
the truth so as to be fearless in all
relationships. It's when you learn to share
considerations.*
For
example: "Thank you for asking. I'm
concerned that if I give you my number
you might end up calling me and if I
declined a date you might get upset and
call again. It could get messy. If it's
meant to be we'll run into each other
more and more, yes? Right now I'm
working on initiating dates as opposed
to being asked. I can see that perhaps I
shouldn't be here leaving myself open to
invitations. I sure hope I haven't
offended you." Or: "Thank you for the compliment. I make it a point to not give out my number to strangers. Perhaps we'll see each other here again." * Another aspect of your considerations (your fear) about giving out your number is that you intuit something negative might "happen," in which case it's best you listen to your intuition. It's possible that at some level you know, your karma is such, that you don't yet deserve to have things go smoothly, perhaps because of earlier unacknowledged perpetrations, perhaps an abuse you inflicted upon another. If so, do The Clearing Process, it's free. It facilitates cleaning up the messes, the incompletes, and supports the experience of integrity —wiping the karma clean so to speak. As you develop your leadership-communication skills you'll discover that you unconsciously set it up for the man to ask for your telephone number. A con (someone whose integrity is so out that he/she is unconscious) will ask for your telephone number oblivious of its ramifications in terms of your safety, etc. Later, as a father, he will advise his daughter to not give out their number. A conscious man always communicates appropriately to your verbal and nonverbal communications; there is spacious comfort. For example: "I sure enjoyed myself. Perhaps we'll see each other again." That would be your clue to say, "Thank you, me too. That would be nice." Or, "Thank you." Period. There's a trend now in which some men are learning to be; they have given up pursuing; they are learning to create space for a woman to choose them. They are finally learning that when a woman chooses you she makes it work, there's no doubt she finds you attractive. The man is assured it's not a "mercy date," or that she's not going out with him just because she succumbed to his persuasions. Bottom line: Night-clubbing is not where one looks for honesty, still, like college, it's where I learned what doesn't work. —With aloha, Gabby Use this form for comments/feedback. Comments To ask a question please go to Dear Gabby's Message Board (free - registration required). A donation acknowledges value and supports sharing this site with others: Last edited 10/14/21
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