Supporting a Service Member
Following presumes that you presently have a friend or loved one serving in the military.
We begin with the premise that one cannot not support. Each of us, using our unique set of leadership (verbal, non-verbal, physical, and psychic) communication-skills, either forward others or we unconsciously intend for them, and therefore ourselves, to stay stuck in mediocrity; some of us are programmed to thwart others.*
The way to tell which set of leadership-support skills you have mastered is to look at the results those around you are producing. Is everyone around you enjoying their activities, keeping their agreements, handling their car/health insurance and debts responsibly, continually acknowledging their perpetrations, with lots of laughing and giggling throughout each day? If yes, then it can be said that you've mastered supporting others positively.
Think of this subject as a Boot Camp for Civilians. In other words, it's appropriate that as a civilian you undergo an equally transformational educational experience as did your friend during his/her boot camp; your boot camp is about expanding your ability to positively support others and in so doing improve your ability to manifest your stated intentions.
When playing the communication mastery game the way to maintain and expand upon your positive support skills is to interact with as many others as possible (inspiring and enrolling others in having life work). I.e. Sharing this website with a friend will create different conversations that will produce more desrable results.
We're going to say that the often heard phrase, "we are all connected," is even more true than we've suspected. We all know that our personal integrity affects our own outcomes. In other words, we know that the integrity of our house, car, finances, taxes, and relationships, all affect our outcomes; however, what's also true is that our integrity affects everyone with whom we relate, including the ones who are now serving us (you) in the military.
It may be that you are going though a phase (education-development-wise) in which your curriculum requires that you deny responsibility for what's "happening" with a friend or loved one, or throughout the world.
I.e. "I'm not responsible for your prosperity or health. How I communicate, my leadership-communication skills, have absolutely nothing to do with your anger, your successes, or whether or not you opt for healthy choices. My integrity does not affect mission outcomes. I'm not willing to be that powerful."
As with an alcoholic this position (denial) is an essential component of the communication mastery curriculum. Not to worry, if there are any truths herein the subject of responsibility will pop up for you again; often it comes in the form of someone around you resisting being responsible for an outcome, someone blaming you or dumping reasons and excuses in your space.
This subject matter usually triggers lots of thoughts; it entertains the uncomfortable notion that somehow there is (as Einstein called it) a faster-than-light, "spooky" connection between us. Through this mysterious entanglement phenomenon the karma of each of our actions is synched with everyone including service members serving, say in Afghanistan. A civilian's mind usually stops short of the realization that an out-integrity at home (say a verbal/non-verbal abusive communication with a family member, not acknowledged and cleaned up through-to-mutual-satisfaction) could affect the success of a military mission. U.S. Navy SEALs and their families acknowledge and operate from this premise; no SEAL would dare risk the success of a mission with an unacknowledged perpetration or an infidelity. Conversely, no SEAL's spouse would risk the karma of deceits, lies, or abusive communications.
It has yet to become part of any conventional military mission-briefing protocol to ask a soldier before going on a mission if he/she has any unacknowledged perpetrations, an incomplete, that might affect the success of the mission; yet when asked, there always is an incomplete in the space that could (and often does) serve as a barrier to manifesting a stated intention. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon.
Interestingly, when a leader who is out-integrity asks this mission-briefing question they often don't elicit the truth; they simply aren't the space for truths to be told. I.e. The consistently reoccurring cheating/sex scandals in all the military academies. An Academy Commandant, who is, him/her self, out-integrity, simply can't inspire cadets to honor the Code of Conduct. Subordinates have absolutely no choice other than to mirror the integrity of their leader. I.e. President Trump perfectly mirrors our integrity.
Some examples:
1) A present-day Navy SEAL team leader, during a mission briefing, will ask his team members, from a list of clearing questions, "Does anyone have an unacknowledged perpetration that might affect the outcome of our mission?" Years ago UDT-SEAL team buddies were not willing to be responsible for the personal integrity of fellow team members. I.e. "If my wife asks ... tell her I was with you." "How many cases of tax-free booze do you want to ship back to Little Creek?" BUD/S Training did not address the correlation between personal integrity and outcomes. If this paragraph triggers upset it reveals that you have an unacknowledged perpetration that you are withholding from someone. Silence is tantamount to sabotage, of yourself, your team members and its missions.
2) A Navy SEAL's spouse communicates, verbally or non-verbally, "If you cheat on me I will immediately divorce you; there will be no second chance, absolutely no excuses or reasons. Cheating (deception) will be the way you communicate that we (myself and the Naval Special Warfare community) don't deserve your respect." Read: Wedding Vow. No teammate of honor can remain silent knowing that his personal integrity affects the outcomes of all missions and operations. Read about the wedding agreement that precludes cheating and other unacceptable behaviors.
This is where you at home can serve your country. You can formulate an intention to tap into the value of playing the integrity game—select About The Clearing Process tab.
* "thwarting" A driver going less than the allowed speed, thwarting all behind him/her. One need only look at the number of cigarette butts at a busy traffic light. Each litterer is non-verbally communicating his/her disrespect and contempt for the rest of us, each dramatizing his/her anger about something; and, the rest of us (using our leadership-communication-skills) do not inspire the throwers to respect the environment.
Thank you for completing the Tutorial Topic: Communicating with a Service Member.
Use the Comments form to share your thoughts—don't worry about speling. It's OK to use an alias name. Sharing one or two thoughts will complete the experience for you. Thank you. —Kerry