Communication-Skills Tutorial for Veterans
Definition of the Word Responsible
For communication to take place consistently both parties must
agree to use the same definition of the word responsible—otherwise both
talking. Talking always
breakdowns in communication.
For example: If you were to ask all
the teachers in any
school (yes "any" and "all")*
to write down the definition of the word responsible
you'd get as many different answers as there are
teachers. The point being—within any school
system there is no agreement as to its
definition; consequently, there's lots of blaming
communications in our newspapers about SAT scores,
teacher's pay, poor parent participation, missing,
late, or sloppy
This lack of agreement, this inconsistency among
teachers, makes it difficult for students to be clear about
* I'm unaware of
any school in the nation in which each member of the
staff (including custodians and food service staff) can quote verbatim
the purpose of their school; instead, each staff member has his/her own purpose
for working/teaching; there is no alignment as with, say, a football
team. Nationwide each teacher, in every
K-12 class, communicates non-verbally his/her own unique understanding
of responsibility; it wreaks havoc on future parents.
Here are some examples of different interpretations
of the word responsible:
— I'll accept 50% responsibility for starting the fight
(implying, as long as you also accept 50%) typically used
during acrimonious divorces.
— I don't accept any
responsibility for starting the fight. He
hit me first.
— All I said was, "f - - - you,"
and then he hit me. I didn't start the fight.
— He hits me all the time. I'm
not responsible for his anger
(a blame statement). Stated responsibly it would read: "I'm
addicted to abusing and being abused so I use my
leadership-communication skills to goad him into hitting me."
— She rear-ended me. I'm not responsible
for the accident (responsibility has nothing to do with blame or
— My husband won't answer my questions (a
blame statement). Stated responsibly it would read: "I don't know
how to have him answer my questions."
— I can't be responsible for teaching when parents send their children
to school without the homework done.
This reveals that the teacher has not co-created a
Student-Parent-Teacher Homework Agreement. The existing implied
non-verbal agreement is that a parent is not responsible for
their child's homework). Education majors are not taught
how to create effective supportable agreements.
— All I said is, "If you . . .
then I'll take the children and
move to another state" and then he hit me (a blame
statement). The implied communication being, my threat, my words, didn't
hurt as much as his fist.
— And a common blame
statement, "She cheated on me."
A responsible statement would be;
"Using my verbal and non-verbal leadership-communication skills
I drove her into the arms of another.*
I don't inspire open, honest, and spontaneous communication—what's
worse, my addiction to
withholding thoughts causes her to
mirror my integrity." (read
Creating a Marriage Vow that Precludes
coaching all "victims" of infidelity can recall how
they began the deception in their relationship by
(a potential deal-breaker) on their
very first date; the withhold automatically (non-verbally)
granted their future partner permission to deceive them, to
withhold his/her thoughts of choice. A person addicted to
withholding always attracts withholders
(there are no exceptions to this
entanglement phenomenon). To
complete your addiction to withholding, to attracting
(free) Clearing Process.
Last edited 9/15/17
Please read the definition of the word responsible
that we'll be using
throughout the tutorial; there's a brief 5-question true-false quiz to support
Click Continue to read, "A Definition of the Word