Communication-Skills Tutorial for Vets




Whole, complete, nothing added, nothing missing; firm adherence to a code of moral or artistic values; an unimpaired condition.

Examples of things added: Guilt, anger, regrets, thoughts withheld, health issues, unacknowledged perpetrations.

Examples of things missing: An experience of health, prosperity, satisfaction, love. A sound unimpaired condition.


In-integrity: A person is said to be in-integrity when they have acknowledged to themselves and another all their conscious withholds and perpetrations and they experience being acknowledged; others are complete/satisfied with your acknowledgements.

Out-integrity/out of integrity: A person is said to be out-integrity when they have a withhold with another, when they have not acknowledge a perpetration (a deceit, an abuse, a withhold) to themselves or another and when they are withholding acknowledgement of themselves, another, or others. i.e. A police department is out-integrity if the chief supports stings (deceits for reasons); such a department is rife with spousal infidelities and late (incomplete and inaccurate) reports and badmouthing of its chief behind his/her back.


One is said to be a person of integrity (a person who operates from integrity) when they can be trusted to honor their agreements, when their word is "like money in the bank." "Agreements" meaning, they can be trusted to do what they say, i.e. "I'll pick you up at 6:00 pm." "I'll return your lawnmower not later than Friday."   And, most importantly, they can be trusted to acknowledge all abuses and condescensions. "I get that what I just said didn't feel good."


Integrity is only experienced for a moment, after which another incomplete appears—which starts the restoration process all over again.


An excellent test of the integrity of a relationship (new or existing) is to sit opposite your partner and be with them for 15 minutes (looking each other in the eyes). Most couple have so many withholds between them that they are very uncomfortable at first; the discomfiture disappears once both have verbally shared their withholds (see The Clearing Process for Couples). If, after reading this, as a married partner you refuse to invite your spouse* or, if you unconsciously intend that they decline your invitation to do a clearing (always for reasons), it's an indicator that both of you (yes both) are non-verbally masterminding a divorce—there are no exceptions to this phenomenon.** A couple who are in-integrity can simply enjoy the experience of being. Between intimate couples a clearing transforms rudimentary (more of the same) high school sex into exquisite intercourse.


* Referred to as premeditated thwarting of the relationship; a conscious choice for more of the same.

** Have your partner read this page so that he/she is aware of the significance of their choice; it's a fork in the road.


Last edited 10/19/17

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