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Communication Tip:
Originally written by
Kerry for
tutorial
reference material, rewritten for
Communication Weekly (now out of
business).
What to say to a
rude cell phone user Say nothing. It's a setup. You are being goaded into pointing out their
inconsiderateness so they can vent some of their pent-up anger. It's
unlikely that you have the verbal communication skills to pull off a mutually satisfying conversation with them, one that will
effect a positive change.
Theirs is a covert abusive communication rooted in a childhood
incomplete. They are in fact addicted to
abuse; they need their daily
fix. If they can hook you into criticizing them then their
reactionary upset gives them something to do other than experience the
pain underneath their disregard for your serenity.
Keep in mind that all cell phone users have
heard or read the articles—that
others find it distracting, if not irritating, to have to listen to
another's cell phone conversation. It's not as though they are
"accidentally" being rude. They make this choice consciously, much like a
barking dog owner does. They operate from a place of contempt and
disregard for the space of others.
It could be that they are reminding you about space. 50% of the
distance between you and another is your space, if another can
hear your TV, etc. then you have intruded upon their space; in
other words, who would say that you're intruding into their
space?
Is there an alternative? Is there something you can do besides stuffing
your upset thereby non-verbally empowering them to do it to another? The
answer is yes. After reading this article you'll now have another choice.
You can hand
them a copy of this tip. It's called service. It will serve them.
Like a driver who purposefully thwarts others by going less than the
speed limit an inconsiderate cell phone user has yet to discover the
correlation between their manners and the results they are producing in
life and relationships. What they don't know is that they are looking for someone who won't buy into their act, someone who will support them
in getting to the source of their anger. Here are two possibilities that could come from your service:
-
They will read this tip and have a visceral experience of embarrassment
and uncomfortableness. They will know that their unconscious cry for help got
gotten, and, at some level. they will respect the courage it took for you to deliver this communication—knowing that you
risked their wrath. Your communication will impact them for life.
The
most considerate thing they could do is to not say anything; at some
level they know that
an apology will not feel good to you.
-
They will read this tip and it will trigger upset, anger, or even rage. In
other words, if the person is abusing others (if he/she needs to be caught
for abuse in
their personal relationship), they will have no choice other than to react. Like
a puppet, they will be driven to abuse you even more, perhaps by handing
this tip back to you with attitudinal posturing or stink-eye, or even
confront you verbally. If you are steadfast in your commitment to service, letting
them vent and walk away from you still upset, you having
verbally communicated nothing.
Later at home they will
be left with an experience of what
THEY did,
rather than what you did or said. As with all
communications, whatever they say is what
you need to hear for your growth.
When you serve you are served.
Feel free to make copies of this tip.
Use this Comment form for comments/feedback (Free-no registration)
To ask a question please go to
Dear Gabby's Message Board (free -
registration required).
Check back occasionally for minor edits (last edited 9/14/20)
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