Step 1: Select a number from 1 - 100. Step 2: Scroll down to your number.
Step 3: Read your quote of the day.
Think of your selected
quote as your all-knowing intuitive self prompting your
mind to address something (an incomplete) —in support of
restoring/maintaining your integrity.
Let's further intend that your selection for today is not accidental.
Our tutorials make a distinction between
communicating and talking. We define communication by its result; "I
know communication has taken place when I've manifested my stated
intention and all concerned feel good upon completion." —Kerry
(Leadership-Relationship Communication-Skills Coach) Note: Permission to quote is always granted via
email.
Use the free Comment Form below to
indicate which quote(s) you like/don't like,
or, are true/not true (alias name Ok,
no email, no registration required).
It's understood that if one knows a subject
they also know that all they know can't be
shared (recreated for another) through written communication. These quotes are cookies for a
mind intent on knowing. I.e. All tutorials and books (including
these quotes) are written by
people en route to knowing, who presently, like myself, only know a lot about
the subject. Teachers and coaches just remind us of what we know. —Kerry
How we
communicate, our verbal, non-verbal, physical, and psychic
communication-skills, cause (yes cause) others to
withhold significant thoughts from us; we cause others to withhold
growth-producing feedback, thoughts that have been serving as
barriers to the experience of love.
As one approaches
communication mastery they begin to address their addictions to
withholding and to blaming, to assigning outside causes, mechanical malfunctions,
"accidents," for failures; they
begin to examine other possibilities, specifically, the correlation
between ones integrity and outcomes.
Imagine how unconscious
one must be to not know that your date, your partner, or your child, is
withholding a significant thought from you?
If
you read a quote and see that it applies to
you/your partner and you hide or "forget" to talk about it with them, for fear
of . . . , then you are dooming the both of you to a life with little or no joy.
A significant thought withheld from a loved one is premeditated
abuse.
Understanding
responsibility is as far from knowing as is not knowing. Once
one becomes clear about responsibility, when they replace their
definition with the actual definition, they begin to experience manifesting their
stated intentions.
Virtually all divorces began
onthe very first date when both
brought their addictions to deception (withholding)
and to blaming into the relationship, when both simultaneously chose to withhold a
deal-breaking thought from the other. With 44+ years of coaching
couples I have not found any exceptions to this
phenomenon.
When a student
experiences an overweight teacher, one who daily thwarts the wisdom of
their own former teachers of biology, nutrition, and physical education,
it's a non-verbal communication—that what's being taught
doesn't work. Such hypocrisy doesn't inspire health. Guess what
percentage of the nation's teachers and health-care professionals are unhealthfully overweight?
Google says 43%. This percentage reveals the leadership-skills of
most high school principals.
A "leader"
inspires health. Someone stuck in the "process-of-becoming-a-leader"
is dragging around life's incompletes into each present-day
interaction; they are run by fear. When a school has a principal
that has completed Leadership Training, his/her teachers know that a
report "Due on Fridays" means it's due on Friday, no excuses, no
reasons. Such a leader models for teachers how to produce the same
results with their student's homework.
The partner who
fearfully refuses to insist
upon couple's therapy after causing the first physical abuse
becomes cause for all successive abuses. During coaching a "victim" is always able to recall what they
did (or did not do) to cause the abuse—there are no exceptions.
Cause for an abusive incident is most always hidden from someone addicted to blame, to making
others wrong, like an unacknowledged alcoholic, they simply have no choice;
abuse is a programmed knee-jerk reaction to an incomplete.
One sure way to complete your addiction to
automatic yelling, to your knee-jerk angry
abusive reactions, is to acknowledge soonest to the recipient
(without an apology), that you know it didn't feel good—done
consistently you will soon find yourself having choices.
There are no
innocent bystanders; the "silent" one, the one that appears to be
the "nice" friend/relative, is unconsciously, non-verbally,
intending the friction—most always they are unaware
of the effects of their non-verbal communications, specifically,
their unconscious intentions.
In a primary relationship in which one or both partners have become
unhealthfully overweight both are withholding an
equal number of significant
thoughts from the other—there are no exceptions to this phenomenon.
Communication disappears a supposedly unintended problem whereas
talking causes the problem to
persist.
The parent, ostensibly the
"good" one, who non-verbally supports child
abuse,
(condescensions, yelling, hitting, spanking) so as to survive financially, to keep the family together, to look better, nicer,
more loving, more forgiving, less
abusive, more righteous (always for reasons, usually fear)
could be considered evil; history refers to
such people as the "I didn't know 'good' Germans."
When you discover
your partner has deceived you it's a wake-up call, a reminder that
you
began the deceit by withholding a thought from them—it's most always a "deal-breaking" thought on
or before the very first date—there are no exceptions to this
entanglement phenomenon. It's not just that you deceived them,
the far more damage, the compounding consequences of the perpetration, is that you have yet to
verbally acknowledge the deceit to him/her.
All dissatisfactions with sex
between couples are a consequence of
both partners withholding the same
number of thoughts from the other—fear, uncomfortableness and
embarrassment are the most common reasons. Sharing your first deceit
allows your mind to recall and acknowledged all of life's
perpetrations; a clearing process restores ones integrity, it
creates space to experience intercourse.
A misbehaving failing student is letting everyone know that he/she is
not in-communication withanyone—the
student has not been acknowledged for one or more good deeds or perpetrations—the adults
around the student have become stuck doing their imitation of
communication with him/her.
A sure way to shut down your child, to drive them to drugs and
deceitful (behind your back) teen sex, is to treat their mother/father
abusively without cleaning up each instance
in front of
your child.
Children believe
(or intuit) that they are
the cause for the abuse between parents; the child
knows that they (the child) do not inspire love—the invalidation creates a condition of
mediocrity and hopelessness.
Conscious parents teach their child how
to communicate upsets, what to say when they see/hear
something that doesn't feel good, and, most importantly, whom to
talk with (the specific person) if their (the child's) feedback to the parents doesn't work.
If you give
unsolicited
advice to someone unconsciously intent on failing, someone whose
karmic path—a life-time of unacknowledged perpetrations, requires
that they fail—someone whose integrity is out—you'll fail as an advice-giver
but succeed as an enabler— "unsolicited" meaning, they
did not
specifically, verbally, ask you for advice.
If, as a teacher, you have a failing student, there is something you
have not verbally communicated to him/her and, something you have
not communicated verbally to his/her parents. Conversely, the student is
withholding one or more significant thoughts from you and his/her parents.
Again, zero exceptions to this phenomenon.
Virtually all veterans
who have elicited a diagnosis of PTSD
have one or more significant thoughts they are withholding from
someone of significance; one can't be certain as to the source of a problem until they
have restored their integrity—to include acknowledging all
of life's perpetrations (see
Sample Clearing).
If you believe that another couldn't possibly change then the same
holds true for you.
The abuse parents
inflict on each other is equally abusive to their child—unless the abuse is verbally acknowledged in front of the child. For
example: Father to mother, in front of their child: "I get that what I just said
didn't feel good.
One way to
cause
your partner
to produce more unexpected/less-than-desirable outcomes
is for you to continue communicating as you have been; your
present non-verbal leadership communication-skills have "supported"
his/her present condition and outcomes. Thoughts affect
outcomes.
Under the reasons is the truth of what the cheating was about—reasons serve as
barriers to acknowledging the truth, one's cause for an outcome.
Clue: Cons always attract equally skilled cons.
When someone lies to you about the cause of the failure of a
prior relationship of theirs, and you remain silent, it ensures that there will be little or no
teary-eyed joy in your relationship with them. I.e. Date says: "My
ex was abusive." "She cheated on
me." "She divorced me." —all blame statements, for which there
will be
undesirable consequences—for the enabling you, and more for your new
trash-talking-blaming friend.
If you don't like your partner's ex, never having met them, then
you have attracted and enabled a blaming badmouther. Blame addicts attract
and mirror blamers.
Whenever an employee is performing poorly a manager will always (yes
always) find a lie, an omission, or a purposeful
error, on the employee's Job Application Form.
When a job
interviewer doesn't do complete work, when he/she doesn't catch the incompletes
(the purposeful lies, omissions, & illegibilities)
on a Job Application Form, the applicant intuitively knows that the
organization will accept
typical high-school performance.
If you suspect your
partner is deceiving you it's your integrity at
work prompting you to verbally acknowledge that you began the deceit
(usually on the first date); there are no exceptions to this phenomenon—couples have no choice other than to mirror
each other's integrity.
Big box managers (Sears, Target,
Walmart, Home Depot, etc.)
unconsciously
train their "Associates" to not look for
customers to help, to look down or away or busy when walking around the
store; we know this by the results these managers produce, it reveals
that stocking shelves is more important than service.
Employees have no choice other than to mirror the integrity of
their manager; it's an entanglement phenomenon. For example: A
manager who is perpetrating deceptions (at home or work) will attract employees who
are equally deceptive.
If you have been
hired—even though you know you are deceiving/abusing someone—you know that
you have conned your new employer into believing that you're an honest
person. You cannot respect someone whom you can con.
You will eventually find yourself
trash-talking the boss behind his/her back.
"Addiction to abuse—to abusing or to being abused—is as debilitating as any
drug." —Dr. Drew. An abuse addict will abuse their partner, or set up their
partner to abuse them. Both always blame the other.
If you are perpetrating a deception on
someone (spouse/partner/boss/government) you are negatively affecting the
outcomes of everyone around you. You have become stuck in a joyless position referred to as a covert
saboteur.
It's unethical and
abusive to use your home-grown leadership-communication skills to set up
another to abuse you, to goad them into abusing
you—to possibly having them incarcerated.
With spousal abuse
there are no bullies or victims—only consenting sparring partners,
both lying and blaming the other for causing the abuse; when asked
who started the fight both will point to the other.
Withholders (those who withhold
significant thoughts from their partner)
cause
their partner to withhold their own thoughts of choice from
them—withholders always attract withholders.
The spouse of a Mafia Don,
or a Navy SEAL Team member, is
responsible for (cause for) the results and
the effects their spouses have on others throughout the community/world. Silence condones (causes) more of the same.
I.e. SEAL Team families do not allow infidelity, not because
it's good or right to be faithful but because deceit always affects
outcomes.
Arrogance is thinking you can create and sustain the experience of love and happiness
without cleaning up your childhood perpetrations (abuses, lies, and deceits), such
arrogance begs to be humbled. Read
Conversations in Support of Health.
An unacknowledged lie to the question, "Did you brush your teeth?"
continues to have undesirable consequences throughout life until it is verbally
acknowledged.
Acknowledging (admitting) a lie completes the experience and its karmic
consequences. The memory remains but feeling badly about lying, and
its automatic negative karmic effects, disappears.
Just because you can't remember a childhood lie or perpetration
doesn't mean it's still not affecting your outcomes—to this very
day. To recall and acknowledge unconscious (hidden) perpetrations,
to restore and maintain your integrity, to complete your incompletes, do
The [free] Clearing Process
—it helps you remember "forgotten" perpetrations.
A spouse who causes their partner to cheat on them (to deceive
them) will always find that they (the spouse) had deceived
a parent, and have yet
to verbally acknowledge the specific deceit to the parent.
I.e. "Did
you brush your teeth?
Children lie and grass is green. Making grass wrong, punishing it
for being green, is not very masterful; what's worse, punishing a
child for lying causes (yes
causes) deceptions and more lying—evidenced by the
fact that the majority of teens con each other into deceiving both
sets of parents so as to have sex.
Children need to experience that they inspire love between parents—when
a child fails it
wreaks havoc with their growth-compass, their confidence, even their
immune system (their gut's biome); their
leadership-communication skills are missing the successes that would
empower them in positively affecting all relationships and outcomes—for
life.
A parent resorts to spanking
their child when the parent has lost his/her ability to produce a desired behavior lovingly
through verbal communication, when the parent has lapsed into doing an
imitation of communication with his/her partner.
The partner of a spanker
always enables the abuse for survival reasons;
the "good" parent most always manipulates the child (usually
non-verbally) into thinking less of the spanker rather than
protecting the child from the abuse ever again.
If you are engaged and withholding a deceit from your parents or
your betrothed, then your relationship will be about experiencing the
consequences of deceit; furthermore, it condemns your partner to a
life with little or no joy—definitely not a gift of love.
All divorced couples brought their addictions to deception, to withholding
thoughts of choice, to blaming, into the relationship. "Choice" meaning, I'll
withhold thoughts I want to keep from you, and, I non-verbally,
grant you permission
to withhold significant thoughts from me.
A child who is failing in school reveals that there is a
breakdown
in communication at home, his/her parents are out-integrity;
both parents are withholding significant thoughts from each other and their
child; the child is
withholding thoughts from both parents—for fear of .....
There are no exceptions to
this phenomenon.
Anyone who seduces a married leader, manager, officer, politician,
CEO, etc., is a covert saboteur;
he/she is setting up life to discover the
correlation between one's personal integrity and outcomes. His/her
imagined/professed love of the leader is a lie. I.e. A
truly loving responsible person, a person of integrity, would not risk the possible consequences of
seducing a married leader knowing it will negatively affect the leader's
results. I.e.General Petraeus (Afghanistan),
his wife and his girlfriend—each individually responsible for
the present outcome.
The partner who fails to insist upon acknowledging/clearing the very
first abusive interaction—through to mutual satisfaction—becomes
cause
for all successive abuses.
If your subordinates are not happy then
your integrity is out;
employees have no
choice other than to mirror the integrity of their leader.
We are always manifesting our intentions; most of the time we
are unconscious and unaware of our intentions and so we act surprised or get upset when we see
what our leadership-communication skills have produced.
Until one cleans up life's perpetrations all communication breakdowns, to include
abuses, broken agreements, or "accidents," are a consequence of either one's
integrity or his/her communication-skills. Once one's
integrity has been restored then a broken agreement/failed goal is solely a
communication problem, not a communication
and/or an integrity problem.
If, as a close
friend, you attend a friend's wedding
knowing there is
deception between the bride and the groom, or between either of them and
another or their parents, then you are condoning (supporting) deception, in which
case the couple's relationship is doomed to mediocrity—in part, because friendship with
you does not inspire honesty.
With unpleasant divorces, both partners
simultaneously withheld his/her thought of choice at
the very beginning. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon.
"Thought of choice" means, I'll withhold any thought I want, for a
reason, which automatically causes you (grants
you permission) to withhold whatever thought you want—say for
instance, "... a high school date had mastered oral sex."
Clergy who receive tithes from welfare recipients become responsible (cause) for the
undesirable consequences of the donor's continued negative financial karma.
It's impossible for your relationship to grow and expand if you hide your
thoughts of choice from your partner (it's called deceit). Your partner may start out being open and honest
but
after they have spent time with you you will have trained him/her to hide
their thoughts of choice from you.
You cannot create an experience of love in a space
occupied by deceit.
If you are not experiencing the experience of love with your
partner then you are withholding thoughts from him/her
and, you are causing him/her to withhold one or
more significant thoughts from you.
Virtually no veteran leaves the military acknowledged for all their
good and "bad" deeds, consequently, an unacknowledged vet is not
whole and complete; they drag remnants of incompletes left over from childhood and the military into each and every civilian conversation affecting all
outcomes—for life.
When a disabled veteran is in-communication with a
communicologist, a communication-skills coach, the vet is able to recall thoughts having
to do with unconscious intentions (including what was going on in
the mind, seconds, minutes, hours, days before the wounding "incident")
thoughts that previously had not been included in the vet's explanation of
what "happened." Such omissions, thoughts, and considerations serve
as barriers to healing and to relating the incident responsibly,
truthfully, from cause.
Veterans have no choice other than to
mirror the collective integrity of the employees of the Veterans
Administration. A VA staff member who dragging around unacknowledged
perpetrations (a lie, a deceit, a broken financial agreement, or infidelity) into
present-day interactions, causes, yes causes, a veteran to lie about ailments—which of course, affects healing.
People with unacknowledged childhood deceptions attract those who are
equally addicted to deceiving and to setting it up to be deceived.
All "victims" of infidelity began the
deceit by consciously choosing to withhold a significant thought for one or more
reasons; for most "victims" it was
on the very first date.
The love that "happens" at the beginning of a relationship is caused
in part by the chemistry of pheromones. Eventually, both partners accumulate
thoughts they've withheld from each other; thoughts serve as barriers
to the experience of love. The way to create/recreate the experience
of joyous love is through open, honest, and spontaneous
communication, no significant thoughts withheld. See
The
[free] Clearing Process <
https://comcom121.org/proclearing/index.htm >.
In a relationship in which there is an experience of communication (open, honest, and
spontaneous—zero significant thoughts withheld) it is virtually impossible for
one partner to have persistent preoccupying thoughts about an
attractive neighbor except that those thoughts are verbally shared and therefore nipped in
the bud.
Gossip communicated
irresponsibly,
such as a teacher's negative judgment of a parent (shared in the
Teacher's Lounge), produces
more-of-the-same less-than-desirable effects.
The difference between an education major and a teacher is that a
"teacher" knows when a child is being abused at
home—such a child is comparatively shutdown, lacking in
confidence, wimpy-acting and submits to peer bullying. A teacher
will do what it takes to ensure the child is safe at home.
All deceitful teen sex is a consequence of a breakdown in
communication within (and between) both families—there are no
exceptions to this phenomenon.
The majority of parents nationwide teach their children to lie
and deceive—evidence by the fact
that most teens con each other into deceiving both sets
of parents so as to have sex. All are ignorant of
the compounding negative karma of such deceit.
In a marriage it works to communicate, if not up-front, then right
now today, "Can we agree that cheating is tantamount to
insisting upon a
divorce? I will not grant a second chance. Is this
absolutely clear?" If your partner senses you are lying, that you
will not effect an immediate divorce, they'll get it. In other
words, if you lie to them, (if you don't really mean that you will
divorce them) you will discover your lie. A fidelity agreement not communicated clearly
and verbally like this communicates (implies) that you will tolerate and
"forgive" cheating. It also implies that you reserve the
option to
cheat and that you assume they will give you a second chance. This
unconscious implied reserved option is partly why most (sneaky) couples don't include
a
fidelity agreement in their marriage vows.
Senators T. Kennedy (MA), Brooke (MA), Craig (ID), Edwards (NC),
Ensign (NV), Vitter (LA), McCain (AZ), Stanley (TN), Baucus (MT),
Hart (CO), Packwood (OR), Miller (OH), Cunningham (NC), Souder (IN),
Weiner (NY), DesJarlais (TN), McAllister (LA), Clinton (AR),
(Farenthold (TX), Trump (NY), Murphy (PA), and their spouses and
mistresses, revealed
their ignorance of the correlation between personal integrity and outcomes and goals.
Here's what I recommend be included in a marriage vow: "A measure of my
commitment to you is to be faithful. To be unfaithful, to
consciously choose to abuse you, would
immediately annul this marriage and forfeit my right to sue for
custody, alimony, or jointly held possessions."
If you conned another to marry and support you—because you didn't
study so as to have a career to fall back on—then you have created disrespect and
resentment; at some level your user disrespects him/herself for using you rather than
supporting you in being responsible and independent; he/she resents you,
in part, because you're
not stopping him/her from using you.
If you don't
insist that your spouse acknowledge each and every condescension it's most
likely you are unconsciously masterminding a divorce; you are
addicted to blaming—to
collecting withholds and resentments to justify a divorce.
If your marriage isn't
satisfying it's
most likely a consequence of an
unacknowledged perpetration—such as conning your partner into
marrying you before you confidently brought a full-time backup career into the relationship.
Children are extremely susceptible to the vibrations of the out-integrities of
their parents. Not unlike a magnet next to a compass, the child has no
choice other than to go off-course. In lay terms, the confusing non-verbal,
abusive, vibrations between parents cause
a child to lose control of their directions/choices.
A person who is whole and complete simply doesn't attract or
date someone stuck in abuse—therefore, to date, to magnetically
attract an abuse addict, is to
unconsciously intend the abuse to satisfy your own
addiction, to get your daily fix of parental-like abuse.
The majority of
girls are addicted to being condescended to,
therefore, they have no choice other than to attract and marry
someone who will treat them as did their parents. Most "good" high school
boys report that many girls were attracted to, and susceptible to, the
vibrations of the "bad" boys, thereby revealing an unconscious need to be
abused.
A person who has the time and energy, coupled with an imagined need for frequent sex, has yet to
find his/her purpose in life.
To make your partner wrong for
wanting or not wanting sex is abusive; it reveals a misunderstanding
about your definition of the word
responsible.
If your partner is failing in one or more areas of life, if they are
opting for unethical or unhealthy choices, then it has to do with
your leadership-communication skills, your conscious and
unconscious intentions; what will cause them to continue failing is for
you to feel badly for having masterminded this result. Instead,
acknowledge the effectiveness of your intentions (however
unconscious they may have been).
Sex without conscious breathing is rudimentary high school sex; it's as far
from true intercourse as talking is from communicating.
"Conscious breathing" meaning: To synchronize your breathing
(inhalations and exhalations) with your partner's. This intention
replaces the usual thoughts, routines and techniques, it allows one to
experience amazing subtle sensations. Prerequisite: A couple
must communicate openly, honestly, and spontaneously (no
significant thoughts withheld). A thought withheld serves as a barrier to
experiencing exquisite loving intercourse.
The leadership-communication skills it takes a divorced parent
to be a safe space for their child to communicate (to process) their divorce-grief, and, to
enroll them in support of the mother or father dating again, are the exact
same skills it will take to effect a successful new marriage.
Parents who hypocritically "teach" truth-telling while hiding
their own teen-perpetrations from their teen, train their child to be
deceptive.
Parents who hide their teen-sex and
drug experiences from their child cause (yes,
cause) their child to deceive them.
It's virtually impossible for a child to be as "good" as
they believe their parents were as children.
"Victims" of an unfair divorce settlement
manufacture all sorts of reasons for the results they produced using
their leadership-communication skills—none of which are the
truth—they haven't accepted responsibility for masterminding the divorce and
its outcome; typically such a partner blames others for their
breakdowns in communication.
Cons always attract cons.
To experience the experience of love with a
date or a new friend first do
The
[free] Clearing Process. Then invite your friend to do it. After which you both can do
The [free] Clearing Process for Couples
—such honest intimacy automatically creates an experience of love.
A misbehaving/pouting/failing teen is trying to let his/her parents
and teachers know that they all have become stuck doing their
imitation of communication, with
each other, and with their teen.
The parents of
Columbine-type shooters believed they were in-communication with
their child; none have publically related the specific early incident, the
turning point, after which nothing was the same. I.e. Several years
later during an interview one such
parent said: "I felt for a very long time that it must've been
something I did." The words "felt" and "something" reveal unconsciousness,
ignorance and denial. One thinks thoughts and feels feelings.
A
baby in the womb experiences all the vibrations between his/her
parents. The abuse spouses perpetrate on each other during pregnancy is
frightening, it needs to be
verbally acknowledged to the baby.
Babies cry when they are incomplete, therefore a parent must
intend that the baby cry so as to
communicate the leftover pain. I.e. Father to fetus/baby: "I get that
what I just communicated to your mother didn't feel good to you."
The love that exists between most married couples is but a
memory of the last "experience" of love;
their "love" has
become conceptualized. "I know I love her but I haven't experienced
it lately." The test? Few or no moments of giggly
laughter and joy throughout each day. This
memory of love is caused by both simultaneously lapsing into
doing their imitation of communication, also called talking; an experience
of love is created and recreated via communication.
If sex has become boring or unsatisfying then both
(yes, both) partners are withholding an equal number of
significant thoughts
from the other.
All Me2'ers are
stuck in blame; none tell the story from how they caused the
incidents(s) (Me2
or I ...).
If you have poor penmanship then you have in fact thwarted the
success of your penmanship teacher for which there has been a
lifetime of undesirable, ever-compounding, consequences. Not that
you're a bad person deserving of failure but that when you need and
don't get support for an endeavor of yours you can't be certain if
it's about your integrity; if it's about you paying yourself back
for thwarting another.
Conning a date
into having sex, knowing full well it would upset his/her parents,
is as detrimental to one's health as is smoking. Your integrity
will set up life for you to get caught (acknowledged) for the
perpetration (often with studying and test results or when you get
things going well).
Supporting a date in deceiving both sets of parents so as to have sex reveals
that there are disrespects you have of your parents, your date, and
his/her parents, that have not been
verbally communicated.
Conning a boy into repeatedly begging for sex is unethical. A "No
sex"
communicated gets gotten and transforms the relationship. A "No" said, but not meant (not communicated), is a lie, for
which there are always undesirable consequences (often pregnancy, or later,
an unfair blaming divorce settlement).
A lie (or deceit between you and your
parents) creates undesirable consequences—such as, an
"accidental" pregnancy or deceptions later during a
marriage.
Teens thinking of having sex must share such thoughts
with both sets of parents, else the professed love is not love.
Love cannot exist in a space occupied by deception and thoughts
being withheld.
An "accidental" pregnancy is eventually discovered to have been
intentional—an unconscious consequence
of an out-integrity, a deceit—there are no exceptions.
If your date professes to love you and they are supporting you
in deceiving both sets of parents so as to have sex, then you
can be certain it's not love. Love can't exist in a space
occupied by deceit.
If you con a boy into impregnating you
you'll have revealed your addiction to deceiving others. There are no
"accidental" pregnancies.
If you have not found, or created, your purpose in life then begin
by serving others (uplift each person you meet throughout the day) in
so doing you'll add to your own aliveness.
If, as a teen, you impregnate a girl you will have
revealed, no matter what you believe, that you don't respect
her; one doesn't risk the remote possibility of ruining a girl's chances of having a career
to fall back on,
except that respect is missing.
The prerequisite for all
teens approaching dating age (before their first date) is to present to his/her parents a
written
list
itemizing all the
costs (doctors, hospitals, food, clothing) of raising a child
through to age 18, and, who the teen expects will pay for an
"accidental" pregnancy. Knowing about
or understanding the costs is experientially different
than knowing them by writing them down.
The
prerequisite for all teens approaching driving age is to present
to their parents a list of the expenses involved in having
and maintaining a
vehicle—the cost of the vehicle, its financing &
monthly payments, its insurance, the cost for tow trucks, the cost
for a smashed fender, the cost to rent a car, and how much one
loses when selling a car that's been in an accident
(read
about responsible lending and borrowing).
A girl who
can't or won't talk to her parents about certain subjects
will attract a partner who has the exact same controlling
behaviors as her parents. More accurately, she will,
unconsciously, using her leadership-communication skills,
attract and manipulate a partner into controlling her and then then
blame him/her.
A teen always attracts a partner who mirrors
the deceit between them and both sets of parents.
I.e. A teen who is
withholding a significant thought from a parent will attract a
date who also deceives his/her parents.
Conning a girl
into having sex that results in a pregnancy is sexist. It causes
the girl to become dependent upon others rather than studying to
have a career to fall back on.
Google the word "abuse"
and it presently (11/12/22) brings up about 364,000.000
web pages. What's interesting is that no two of the web
sites that offer abuse-support or education use or have the
same definition of the word abuse. More interestingly, no
two teachers in any school, or any two
judges in the world, have the same definition of the word
abuse (unbelievable, yes?)
All the energy and money spent on preventing, eliminating, reducing, or controlling abuse is to no avail until
we agree on its definition.
A loving person is an enroller who expands their
circle of friends automatically, causing all to love
each other; someone with a "loving act" is concerned
with survival and has but a handful of "friends," whom
together, seldom effect a positive significant change in
their community.
If you are holding a 40 lb. bar of
lead and someone offers you a 40 lb. bar of gold
you will have to let go of the lead to have the gold. In
other words, to have a magnificent relationship you must
be willing to let go of an abusive one, else, you
reveal a lie. The lie? —you believe you have been intending
to have a magnificent abuse-free relationship.
All lies and all truths have
consequences, even the ones of which you are unaware.
Saying/believing you want others to succeed when the
results reveal otherwise shows that you have been living a lie. The way out is to tell the
truth. To get to the truth you must be willing to start
with what appears to be an obvious lie, "I don't
see you succeeding, or I don't want
you to succeed, because . . ." and see what thought comes up.
Most always it's an unconscious withhold.
What you call love will not heal/fix another.
If you fix a broken dish what you'll
have is a fixed broken dish, not at all what you would
have chosen. You don't have the skills to "fix" anyone
but yourself. No one around you can heal completely
until you heal you.
Only a person
addicted to abusing and to being abused has a personal/intimate
relationship with an abusive person; abuse addicts always blame
their partner for the abuse.
The way to know what your intentions
have been is to look at the results you've been
producing for yourself and those around you.
If you marry a user, someone who didn't apply him/herself in school,
and, has not held
at least one job for 12-months in a row, then you are a
helper; you are enabling a user for which there are
undesirable consequences—a user cannot inspire a
child to be responsibly independent.
The person you
marry must have demonstrated a work-skill ability to financially
support themselves for 12-months in a row—this, so that they don't
have to stay married to you for financial survival.
Most people are unaware of the power
of their psychic hexes, the unconscious thwarting
emanations, their intentions for another/others to fail for
various reasons. They lie, pretending they want everyone
to succeed yet the results their friends and neighbors
are producing prove otherwise.
When a teacher
withholds a truth a parent needs to
hear, the withhold keeps everyone stuck in more of the same.
Teachers use and teach an adversarial
(blame, fault, right-wrong) communication model
(win-lose, pass/fail, succeed by doing better than
others), consequently, their graduates use the same model
to seduce and attract partners and friends. Not having
learned any other way of communicating most couples have no choice
other than
to use the same adversarial model during the divorce
process.
A communication model is like water
to a fish. Just as a fish can't see water neither can
you see air or your communication model, unless—you ask
another for feedback. I.e. "What does it feel like to be on
the receiving end of my communications?" or, "Do I
inspire excellence or mediocrity?" or, the biggie,
"What would you change about me?"
The way you can tell which
communication model you operate from is to look at the
results your friends are producing. A positive
supportive, mutually satisfying communication model, the
one used throughout our tutorials, brings everyone along with you.
Communication
always results
in the experience of love whereas with talking something
appears to be missing, or, something, such as a thought
being withheld, is in the space.
Most couples are unaware that
the Adversarial Communication Model they learned
in high school is the same model they
used to
seduced each other which causes (yes causes) an acrimonious
divorce. It absolutely guarantees that you and your
partner will withhold certain thoughts from each other
for strategic/survival reasons.
Most people cannot hear/experience
verbal
abuse/condescension. When they finally become aware, that
it's been there all along, it's usually too late. They
discover that their addiction included attracting and
abusively goading and rewarding an abuser.
Managers know that it's much easier
to teach an inexperienced but happy
person to be a competent employee than it is to teach a skilled
but unhappy person to consistently relate with peers and customers
from aloha.
It's virtually impossible for a
responsible CEO to attract and hire an angry, rude, or
grouchy employee. Employees always mirror a CEO's
integrity, his/her leadership-communication skills.
You do not have
the leadership-communication skills to teach your loved one how
to positively support you; to do so you must first have their permission
to change them, to improve them, to make them better, more
thoughtful, more loving, compassionate, honest or efficient.
Wanting to
change someone is not love.
All veterans who have elicited a diagnosis of PTSD are withholding one or more significant thoughts from one or more significant others.
There are no exceptions to this phenomenon. When the truth is
told the problem disappears.
For a
donation to be significant it must be a significant experience
for the donor. Significant, as in, slightly uncomfortable,
a bit more than what the mind suggests, something that
represents the loving generous supportive self.