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Quotes from our
tutorials and Dear Gabby letters.

Premise: A quote you disagree with could be causing communication breakdowns in your relationships. An aware (conscious) reader can easily see both the truth and the falsity of each quote—each is, as Werner Erhard (est, The Forum), would say—a "What's so, so what!" experience.

Someone who has become stuck doing his/her imitation of communication has no choice other than to get upset, disagree and argue.

Please use the free-no-registration required Comment Form below to indicate which quote(s) you like/don't like. Permission to use a quote is always granted via email—with the proviso that you acknowledge Kerry or Community Communications.
  1. If you read a quote and see that it applies to you/your partner, and, you hide or don't talk about it with them, for fear of . . . then you are dooming the both of you to a life with little or no joy.
  2. One sure way to complete your addiction to automatically yelling, to your knee-jerk angry abusive reactions, is to acknowledge soonest to the recipient (without an apology) that you know it didn't feel good—done consistently you will soon find yourself having choices.
  3. In a primary relationship in which one or both have become unhealthfully overweight, both are withholding significant thoughts from the other—there are no exceptions to this phenomenon. Communication disappears a supposedly unintended problem whereas talking cause the problem to persist.
  4. For one parent, ostensibly the good parent, to support verbal child abuse, so as to survive, to look better, nicer, less abusive, more righteous (always for reasons) verges on evil; history refers to such people as the "good Germans."
  5. When you, using your leadership-communication skills, set up your partner to deceive you it's a reminder that you began the deceit by withholding a thought from them—with couples it's most always a "deal-breaking" thought on the very first date—there are no exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon.
  6. A failing student is letting everyone know that he/she is not in-communication with anyone—that the student has not been acknowledged for one or more good deeds or perpetrations—that the adults around the student have become stuck doing their imitation of communication with him/her.
  7. A sure way to shut down your child, to drive them to drugs and deceitful (behind your back) teen sex, is to treat their mother/father abusively without cleaning up each instance in front of the child.
  8. Children intuit that they are the cause for the abuse between parents; they know, with absolute certainty, that if they (the child) knew how to verbally communicate more effectively they could recreate the experience of love in the family—therefore they (the child) must not inspire love—the invalidation creates a condition of hopelessness.
  9. If you give unsolicited advice to a person intent on failing (someone whose path requires that they fail—without blaming someone) you'll fail as an advice-giver but succeed as an enabler— "unsolicited" meaning, they did not specifically ask you for advice.
  10. Virtually all veterans with PTSD have one or more significant thoughts they are withholding from a significant person; one can't be certain as to the source of a problem until they have restored their integrity—to include acknowledging all of life's perpetrations (see Sample Clearing).
  11. If you hold that another couldn't possibly change then the same holds true for you.
  12. The abuse parents inflict on each other is equally abusive to their child, unless the abuse is verbally acknowledged in front of the child. For example: Father to mother: "I get that what I just said didn't feel good."
  13. One way to help someone produce more unexpected/undesirable outcomes is to offer them advice—helping creates dependence.
  14. Under the reasons is the truth of what the cheating was about—reasons serve as barriers to acknowledging the truth, ones cause for an outcome. Clue: Cons always attract cons.
  15. When someone lies to you about the cause of the failure of a previous relationship, and you remain silent, it ensures that there will be little or no joy in the new relationship. i.e. Friend says: "He was abusive." "She cheated on me." "She divorced me." —all blame statements, for which there will be undesirable consequences—for you and them.
  16. If you don't like your partner's ex, never having met them, then you have attracted and enabled a blaming badmouther. Blamers attract and mirror blamers.
  17. When the person conducting a job interview doesn't do complete work, when he/she doesn't catch the incompletes (lies, omissions, & purposeful illegibilities) on a Job Application Form, the applicant intuitively knows that the company will accept typical high-school performance.
  18. If you suspect your partner is deceiving you it's your integrity at work prompting you to verbally acknowledge that you began the deceit; there are no exceptions to this phenomenon—couples have no choice other than to mirror each other's integrity.
  19. Whenever an employee is performing poorly a manager will always (yes always) find a lie, an omission, or a purposeful error, on the employee's Job Application Form.
  20. Big box managers (Sears, Target, Wal-Mart, Home Depot, etc.) unconsciously train their "Associates" to not look for customers to help, to look down or away when walking around the store; we know this by the results these managers produce, it reveals that stocking shelves is more important than service.
  21. Employees have no choice other than to mirror the integrity of their manager; it's an entanglement phenomenon. For example: A manager who is perpetrating deceptions will attract employees who are deceptive.
  22. Addiction to abuse—to abusing or to being abused—is as debilitating as any drug.
  23. It's unethical to use your leadership-communication skills to set up another to abuse you, to goad them into abusing you—possibly having them incarcerated.
  24. With spousal abuse there are no bullies or victims—only consenting sparring partners, both lying about the cause of the abuse.
  25. Withholders (those who withhold certain thoughts from their partner) cause their partner to withhold their thoughts of choice from them—withholders always attract withholders.
  26. Cheaters attract and mirror cheaters; there are no exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon.
  27. Arrogance is thinking you can create and sustain the experience of love and happiness without cleaning up your childhood abuses, lies, and deceits; such arrogance begs to be humbled. Read Conversations in Support of Health.

  28. An unacknowledged lie to the question, "Did you brush your teeth?" continues to have undesirable consequences throughout life until it is verbally acknowledged. Acknowledging a lie completes the experience and its karmic consequences.
  29. Just because you can't remember a childhood lie or perpetration doesn't mean it's still not affecting your outcomes—to this very day. To recall and acknowledge unconscious (hidden) perpetrations, to restore and maintain your integrity, to complete your incompletes, do The [free] Clearing Process.
  30. A spouse who causes their partner to cheat on them (to deceive them) will always find that they had deceived a parent and have yet to verbally acknowledge the specific deceit to the parent. i.e. "Did you brush your teeth?"
  31. Children lie and grass is green. Making grass wrong, punishing it for being green, is not very masterful; what's worse, it causes (yes causes) deceptions and more lying—evidenced by the fact that the majority of teens con each other into deceiving both sets of parents so as to have sex.
  32. Children need to experience that they inspire love between parents, when a child fails it wreaks havoc with their growth-compass, their confidence; their leadership-communication skills are missing the successes that would empower them in positively affecting all relationships and outcomes—for life.
  33. A parent resorts to spanking when he/she has lost their ability to produce a desired behavior lovingly through verbal communication, when the parent has lapsed into doing an imitation of communication with his/her partner.
  34. The partner of a spanker always enables the abuse for survival reasons; the "good" parent most always manipulates the child (usually non-verbally) into thinking less of the spanker rather than protecting the child from the abuse ever again.
  35. If you are engaged and withholding a deceit from your parents or your betrothed, then your relationship will be about experiencing the consequences of deceit; furthermore, it condemns your partner to a life with little or no joy—definitely not a gift of love.
  36. All divorced couples brought their addiction to deception, to withholding thoughts of choice, into the relationship.
  37. A child who is failing in school reveals that there is a communication breakdown at home, his/her parents are out-integrity; both parents are withholding thoughts from each other; the child is withholding thoughts from both parents. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon.
  38. Given a choice, all other qualifications being equal, few would choose a brain surgeon who is cheating on his/her spouse; why then should we risk the karmic possibilities (however real or remote) of undesirable consequences for dishonesty/infidelity of our leaders?
  39. A woman who seduces a married leader (manager, officer, politician, CEO, etc.) is an unethical saboteur; she is setting up life to discover the correlation between ones personal integrity and outcomes. Her imagined/professed love of the leader is a lie. i.e. A responsible loving woman would not risk the possible consequences of seducing a married leader knowing it will negatively affect the leader's results.
  40. The partner who fails to insist upon acknowledging/clearing an abusive interaction—through to mutual satisfaction—becomes cause for all successive abuses.
  41. We are always manifesting our intentions; most of the time we are unconscious and unaware of our intentions and so we act surprised, or get upset, when we see what our leadership-communication skills have produced.
  42. Until one cleans up life's perpetrations all communication breakdowns, to include abuses and broken agreements, are a consequence of either one's integrity or his/her communication-skills. Once one's integrity has been restored then a broken agreement/failed goal is solely a communication problem, not a communication and/or an integrity problem.
  43. If you attend a friend's wedding knowing that there is deception between the bride and the groom, or between either of them and another, or their parents, then you are condoning (supporting) deception, in which case the couple's relationship cannot expand and grow—because, friendship with you does not inspire honesty.
  44. With unpleasant divorces, both partners withheld his/her thought of choice at the very beginning. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon. "Thought of choice" means, I'll withhold any thought I want, for a reason, which automatically causes you (grants you permission) to withhold whatever thought you want—say for instance, that you've had lingering thoughts about finding a neighbor attractive.
  45. In an open and honest relationship all thoughts are shared verbally, especially the ones the mind thinks would be better, safer, less hurtful/upsetting, to withhold.
  46. It's impossible for your relationship to grow and expand if you hide your thoughts of choice from your partner (it's called deceit). Your partner may start out being open and honest but by the time you are through with them you will have trained him/her to hide their thoughts of choice from you.
  47. You cannot create an experience of love in a space occupied by deceit.
  48. If you are not experiencing the experience of love with your partner then you are withholding thoughts from him/her. It's never the other person.
  49. Virtually no veteran leaves the military acknowledged for all their good and "bad" deeds, consequently, an unacknowledged vet is not whole and complete; they drag remnants of incompletes left over from childhood and the military into each and every civilian conversation affecting all outcomes—for life.
  50. When a disabled veteran is in-communication with a communication-skills coach the vet is able to recall thoughts having to do with unconscious intentions (thoughts just before the "incident") that heretofore had not been included in the vet's explanation of what "happened." Such omissions, thoughts, and considerations serve as barriers to healing and to relating the incident responsibly, truthfully, from cause.
  51. People with unacknowledged childhood deceptions attract those who are equally addicted to deceiving and to being deceived.
  52. All "victims" of infidelity began the deceit by consciously choosing to withhold a thought for one or more reasons; for most "victims" it was on the very first date.
  53. There can be no experience of joyous love when there is no experience of respect. Concept of love, yes, experience of love, no.
  54. The love that "happens" at the beginning of a relationship is caused in part by the chemistry of endorphins. Eventually both partners accumulate thoughts they withhold from each other; thoughts serve as barriers to the experience of love. The way to create/recreate the experience of joyous love is through open, honest, and spontaneous communication, no significant thoughts withheld.
  55. In a relationship in which there is an experience of communication (open, honest, and spontaneous—zero significant thoughts withheld) it is virtually impossible for one partner to have persistent preoccupying thoughts about an attractive neighbor except that those thoughts are verbally shared and therefore nipped in the bud.
  56. Gossip communicated non-verbally, such as a teacher's negative judgment of a parent, has the same detrimental, more-of-the-same, effects as does irresponsible verbal gossip.
  57. The difference between an education major and a teacher is that a "teacher" can always tell when a child is being abused (verbally or non-verbally) —such a child is comparatively shutdown, lacking in confidence, wimpy acting and submits to peer bullying.
  58. All deceitful teen sex is a consequence of a breakdown in communication within (and between) both families—there are no exceptions to this phenomenon.
  59. The majority of parents nationwide teach their children to lie—evidence by the fact that most teens con each other into deceiving both sets of parents so as to have sex.
  60. In a marriage it works to communicate, if not up-front, then right now today, "Can we agree that cheating is tantamount to requesting a divorce? I will not grant a second chance. Is this absolutely clear?" If your partner senses you are lying, that you will not effect an immediate divorce, they'll get it. In other words, if you lie to them, (if you don't really mean that you will divorce them) you will discover your lie. A fidelity agreement not communicated clearly and verbally like this communicates (implies) that you will tolerate and "forgive" cheating. It also implies that you reserve the option to cheat and that you assume they will give you a second chance. This unconscious implied reserved option is partly why most couples don't include a fidelity agreement in their marriage vows.
  61. Senators T. Kennedy (MA), Brooke (MA), Craig (ID), Edwards (NC), Ensign (NV), Vitter (LA), McCain (AZ), Stanley (TN), Baucus (MT), Hart (CO), Packwood (OR), Miller (OH), and their spouses and mistresses, revealed their ignorance of the correlation between personal integrity and outcomes and goals.
  62. Here's what I recommend be included in a marriage vow: "A measure of my commitment to you is to be faithful. To be unfaithful, to consciously choose to abuse you, would immediately annul this marriage and forfeit my right to sue for custody, alimony, or jointly held possessions."
  63. If you conned another to marry and support you—because you didn't study so as to have a career to fall back on—then you have created disrespect and resentment; your user disrespects him/herself for using you rather than supporting you in being responsible and independent; he/she resents you, in part, because you're not stopping him/her from using you.
  64. If you don't train your spouse to acknowledge each and every condescension it's most likely you are unconsciously masterminding a divorce; you are addicted to blaming—to collecting withholds and resentments to justify a divorce.
  65. If your marriage isn't working it could be a consequence of an unacknowledged perpetration—such as conning your partner into marrying you before you confidently brought a career into the relationship.
  66. Children are extremely susceptible to the vibrations of the out-integrities of their parents. Not unlike a magnet next to a compass, the child has no choice other than to go off course. In lay terms, the confusing non-verbal, abusive, vibrations between parents cause a child to lose control of their directions/choices.
  67. A person who is whole and complete simply doesn't attract or date someone stuck in abuse—therefore, to date an abuse addict is to unconsciously intend the abuse to satisfy your own addiction, to get your daily fix of parental-like abuse.
  68. The majority of women are addicted to being condescended to; therefore they have no choice other than to attract and marry someone who will treat them as did their parents.
  69. A person who has the time and energy, coupled with an imagined need for frequent sex, has yet to find his/her purpose in life.
  70. To make your partner wrong for not wanting sex is abusive; what's needed instead is genuine intercourse.
  71. If your partner is failing in one or more areas of life, if they are opting for unethical or unhealthy choices, then it has to do with your leadership-communication skills, your conscious and unconscious intentions; what will cause them to continue failing is for you to feel badly for having masterminded this result. Instead, acknowledge the effectiveness of your intentions (however unconscious they may have been).
  72. Sex without conscious breathing is rudimentary high school sex; it's as far from true intercourse as talking is from communicating. "Conscious breathing" meaning: To synchronize your breathing (inhalations and exhalations) with your partner's. This intention replaces the usual thoughts and techniques and allows one to experience amazing subtle sensations. Prerequisite: A couple must communicate openly, honestly, and spontaneously (no significant thoughts withheld). A thought withheld serves as a barrier to experiencing exquisite loving intercourse.
  73. The leadership-communication skills it takes a divorced parent to be a safe space for their child to process their divorce-grief, and, to enroll them in support of the mother or father dating others again, are the exact same skills it will take to effect a successful new marriage.
  74. Parents who hypocritically "teach" truth-telling while hiding their own teen-perpetrations from their teen, train their child to be deceptive.
  75. Parents who hide their teen-sex and drug experiences from their child cause (yes, cause) their child to deceive them. It's virtually impossible for a child to be as "good" as they believe their parents were as children.
  76. "Victims" of an unfair divorce settlement manufacture all sorts of reasons for the results they produced using their leadership-communication skills—none of which are the truth—they haven't accepted responsibility for masterminding the divorce and its outcome; typically such a partner blames others for their breakdowns in communication.
  77. To experience the experience of love with a new friend first do The Clearing Process. Then invite your friend to do it. After which you both can do The Clearing Process for Couples.
  78. A misbehaving/pouting/failing teen is trying to let his/her parents know that they have become stuck doing their imitation of communication, with each other, and with their teen.
  79. A parent's job isn't done until they have taught their child how to clean a window.
  80. "Victims" of an unfair divorce settlement manufacture all sorts of reasons for the results they produced using their leadership-communication skills—none of which are the truth—they haven't accepted responsibility for masterminding the divorce and its outcome; typically such a partner blames others for their breakdowns in communication.
  81. The love that exists between most married couples is but a holographic representation of the last "experience" of love; their "love" has become conceptualized. The test? Few or no moments of giggly laughter and joy throughout each day. This holographic representation of love is caused by both simultaneously lapsing into their imitation of communication, also called talking; an experience of love is created and recreated via communication.
  82. If sex has become boring or unsatisfying then both partners are withholding one or more significant thoughts from each other. Yes, both!
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Quotes for teens:
  1. Conning a girl into having sex, knowing full well it would upset her parents, is as detrimental to one's health as is smoking. Your integrity will set up life for you to get caught (acknowledged) for the perpetration (usually when you get things going well).
  2. Supporting a date in deceiving both sets of parents so as to have sex reveals that there are disrespects you have of your parents, and your date, that have not been verbally communicated.
  3. Conning a boy into repeatedly begging for sex is unethical. A "No" communicated gets gotten and transforms the relationship. A "No" said, but not meant (not communicated), is a lie, for which their are always undesirable consequences.
  4. A lie (or deceit between you and your parents) creates undesirable consequences—such as, an "accidental" pregnancy or deceptions later during a marriage.
  5. Teens thinking of having sex must share such thoughts with both sets of parents, else the professed love is not love. Love cannot exist in a space occupied by deception.
  6. An "accidental" pregnancy is eventually discovered to have been intentional—a consequence of an out-integrity, a deceit—there are no exceptions.
  7. If your date professes to love you and they are supporting you in deceiving both sets of parents so as to have sex, then you can be certain it's not love. Love can't exist in a space occupied by deceit.
  8. If you con a boy into impregnating you you'll have revealed your deceit. There are no "accidental" pregnancies.
  9. If you have not found, or created, your purpose in life then begin by serving others (uplift each person you meet throughout the day) in so doing you'll add to your own aliveness.
  10. If, as a teen, you impregnate a girl you will have revealed, no matter what you believe, that you don't respect her; one doesn't risk the remote possibilty of ruining a girl's chances of having a career, except that there is no experience of respect in the relationship.
  11. The prerequisite for all teens approaching dating age (before their first date) is to present to his/her parents a written list itemizing all of the costs (doctors, hospitals, food, clothing) of raising a child through to age 18, and, who the teen expects will pay for an "accidental" pregnancy.
  12. The prerequisite for all teens approaching driving age is to present to their parents a list of the expenses involved in having a vehicle—insurance, financing, the cost for tow trucks, the cost for a smashed fender, the cost to rent a car, and how much one loses when selling a car that's been in an accident (read about responsible lending and borrowing).
  13. A girl who can't or won't talk to her parents about certain subjects will attract someone who has the exact same controlling behaviors as her parents. More accurately, she will, unconsciously, using her leadership-communication skills, manipulate her partner into controlling her and then then blame him/her.
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Quotes from the Spouse Abuse Tutorial

  1. Google the word "abuse" and it presently (9/22/17) brings up about 90,200,000 references. What's interesting is that no two of the web sites that offer abuse support, education, or help use the same definition of the word abuse. More interestingly, no two teachers in any school, or any two judges in the world, have the same definition of the word abuse.
  2. All the energy and money spent on preventing, eliminating, reducing, or controlling abuse is to no avail until we agree on its definition.
  3. As you read About The Spouse Abuse Tutorial you will end up with an expanded definition of the word abuse.
  4. A loving person is an enroller who expands their circle of friends automatically, causing all to love each other; someone with a "loving act" is concerned with survival and has but a handful of "friends," whom together, seldom effect a positive significant change in their community.
  5. If you are holding a 40 lb. bar of lead in your hands and someone offers you a 40 lb. bar of gold you will have to let go of the lead to have the gold. In other words, to have a magnificent relationship you must be willing to let go of a crappy one, else, you reveal a lie. The lie? —you believe you have been intending to have a magnificent relationship.
  6. All lies and all truths have consequences, even the ones of which you are unaware. Saying/believing you want others to succeed when the results reveal otherwise shows that you are living a lie. The way out is to tell the truth. To get to the truth you must be willing to start with what appears to be an obvious lie, "I don't want you to succeed because . . ." and see what comes up. Most always it's an unconscious withhold.
  7. If you fix a broken dish what you have is a fixed broken dish, not at all what you would have chosen. You don't have the skills to "fix" anyone but yourself. No one around you can heal completely until you heal you.
  8. Only a person addicted to abusing and being abused has a personal/intimate relationship with an abusive person; abuse addicts always blame their partner for the abuse.
  9. The way to know what your intentions have been is to look at the results you have been producing for yourself and those around you.
  10. If you marry someone who has not held at least one job for 12 months in a row then you are a helper; you are enabling a user for which there are undesirable consequences—such a person cannot inspire a child to be responsibly independent.
  11. Most people are unaware of the power of their psychic hexes, the unconscious thwarting emanations, their intentions for another/others to fail for various reasons. They lie, pretending they want everyone to succeed yet the results their friends and neighbors are producing prove otherwise.
  12. When a teacher withholds a truth a parent needs to hear it keeps everyone stuck in more of the same.
  13. Teachers use and teach an adversarial (blame, fault, right-wrong) communication model (win-lose, pass/fail, succeed by doing better than others), consequently, their graduates use the same model to seduce and attract partners and friends. Not having learned any other way of communicating most couples have no choice other than to use the same adversarial model during the divorce process.
  14. A communication model is like water to a fish. Just as a fish can't see water neither can you see air or your communication model, unless—you ask another for feedback; i.e. "What does it feel like to be on the receiving end of my communications?" or, "Do I inspire excellence or mediocrity?" or, the biggie, "What would you change about me?"
  15. The way you can tell which communication model you operate from is to look at the results your friends are producing. A positive supportive, mutually satisfying communication model, the one used throughout our tutorials, brings everyone along with you.
  16. Communication always always results in the experience of love whereas with talking something appears to be missing, or, something, such as a thought being withheld, is in the space.
  17. Most couples are unaware that the  Adversarial Communication Model they learned in high school is the same model they used to seduced each other which causes (yes causes) an acrimonious divorce. It absolutely guarantees that you and your partner will withhold certain thoughts from each other for strategic/survival reasons.
  18. Most people cannot hear/experience verbal abuse/condescension. When they finally become aware that it's been there all along it's usually too late. They discover that their addiction included attracting and abusively goading and rewarding an abuser.
  19. Managers know that it's much easier to teach an inexperienced but happy person to be a competent employee than it is to teach a skilled but unhappy person to consistently relate with peers and customers from aloha.
  20. It's virtually impossible for a responsible CEO to attract and hire an angry, rude, or grouchy employee. Employees always mirror a CEO's integrity, his/her leadership-communication skills.
  21. You do not have the leadership-communication skills to teach your loved one how to positively support you; to do so you must first have their permission to change them, to improve them, to make them better, more thoughtful, more loving  honest or efficient.

  23. All veterans who have elicited a diagnosis of PTSD are withholding one or more significant thoughts from one or more significant others. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon. When the truth is told the problem disappears.
  24. For a donation to be significant it must be a significant experience. Significant, as in, slightly more than what your mind suggests, something that represents the loving generous supportive self.


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v 1.3


about apologies
communication breakdown
imitation of communication
fidelity agreement
health conversations
wedding guest vow
The Clearing Process
The Clearing Process for Couples


". . . unacknowledged
perpetrations and
 are always being
 non-verbally, they
 are always
 having an effect."



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