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- All breakdowns in communication between two can be traced to one of
these
four variables.
- Acknowledging someone completes a relationship
(for that moment, then one immediately recreates a new one with new or
the same agreements).
- When you discover someone has withheld something from you it is
irrefutable proof that you are the source of the dishonesty in your life
and relationships because you'll notice that you began the deceit by
withholding something from them —there are no exceptions to this
phenominon.
- Spanking is what a
parent resorts to when he/she has lost their ability to produce a
desired behavior lovingly through verbal communication.
- Until one cleans up life's perpetrations, all communication breakdowns, to include broken
agreements, are somewhat a consequence of one's integrity. Once one's
integrity has been restored then a broken agreement is solely a
communication problem, not a communication and/or an integrity problem.
- If you attend a wedding in which you know for certain there is
deception between the bride or groom, or between either of them and
their parents, then you are condoning-supporting deception, in which
case the relationship cannot expand and grow because friendship with
you does not inspire honesty.
- All relationships that fail do so in part because both partners withheld his/her
thought of choice at the very beginning. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon."thought of choice" means, I'll withhold any thought I want for
any, or no reason, which automatically causes you (gives
you permission) to withhold whatever thought you want, say for
instance that you've had lingering thoughts about finding a store
clerk attractive. In
an open and honest relationship all thoughts are shared verbally,
especially the ones the mind thinks would be better, safer, less
hurtful/upsetting, to withhold.
- It is impossible for
your relationship with your partner to grow and expand if you hide your
thought of choice (it's called deceit). Your partner may start out open and honest but by the
time you are through with them you will have trained him/her to hide
their thoughts of choice from you.
- You cannot
create nor sustain an experience of love and happiness in a space
occupied by deceit.
- Arrogance is,
thinking you can create and sustain the experience of love and happiness
without cleaning up your childhood lies and deceits.
- People with
unacknowledged deceptions attract others who have the same stuff
going on, that’s why they can’t see it in others.
- Under the reasons is the truth of what the cheating was about—it's never ever what
either partner say was his/her reason. Dragging such a lie into the
next relationship guarantees more deciet. Supporting
a partner in lying about the cause of the failure of his/her
previous relationship ensures the present one won't work either.
- There can be no experience of love when there is no experience of respect. Concept of love yes, experiences no.
- In a relationship
in which there is an experience of communication (open, honest, and
spontaneous, zero thoughts withheld) it is virtually impossible for
one partner to have persistent preoccupying thoughts of another
except that those thoughts are shared openly and therefore nipped in
the bud.
- In a committed
relationship it works to communicate, if not up front, then right
now today, "Can we agree that cheating is tantamount to effecting a
divorce? I will not grant a second chance on this issue. Is this
absolutely clear?" If your partner senses you are lying, that you
will not effect an immediate divorce, they'll get it. In other
words, if you lie to them, (if you don't really mean that you will
divorce them) you will discover your lie. A fidelity agreement not communicated clearly
and verbally like this communicates (implies) that you will tolerate and
"forgive" cheating. It also implies that you reserve the option to
cheat and that you assume they will give you a second chance. This
unconscious implied reserved option is partly why most people don't include
the consequences of cheating in their marriage vows.
- Here's what I
recommend be included in a marriage vow: "A measure of my
commitment to you is to be faithful. To be unfaithful would
immediately annul this marriage and forfeit my right to sue for
children, alimony, or jointly held possessions.
- Addiction to
abuse, to abusing or creating being abused, is as debilitating as any
drug.
- Children are
extremely susceptible to the vibrations of an out-integrity of a
parent. Not unlike a magnet next to a compass, the child has no
choice but to go off course. In lay terms: The confusion causes them
to lose control of their directions/choices.
- A person who is
whole and complete would simply not attract or date someone stuck in
abuse. You are unconsciously masterminding the abuse to satisfy your
addiction, to get your daily fix of abuse.
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Quotes for teens:
- Conning a girl
into having sex knowing full well it would upset her father
is not smart karmic-wise. Your integrity will set up life for you to
get what it was like for him for you to thwart him.
- Conning a boy into
repeatedly asking for sex is unethical. A "No"
communicated gets gotten and transforms the relationship. A no
"said" but not meant (not communicated) is a lie. A lie (or deceit between you and your
parents) creates consequences such as an
"accidental" pregnancy or deceptions later during a
marriage.
- Teens thinking of having sex must share such thoughts
with both sets of parents, else the professed love is not love.
Love cannot exist in a space occupied by deception.
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Quotes from the
Spouse Abuse
Tutorial
We begin with a definition of the
word abuse.
-
If you enter the word "abuse"
in Google it brings up about 50,900,000 references.
What's interesting is that no two of the websites that offer abuse support or
help use the same definition of the word abuse. More interestingly, no two teachers
in any school, or any two judges in the world, have the
same definition of the word abuse.
-
All the energy and money spent on preventing, eliminating, reducing, or controlling abuse is to no avail until
we agree on a definition of what it is.
-
As you
read About the Tutorial you will end up with an expanded definition of the word
abuse.
For permission to quote please
Contact Us. Permission is
always granted with the agreement that you will acknowledge
Kerry or
Community Communications Sponsored by
Community Communications, a
501(c)(3) nonprofit education organization
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Elaborations
Acknowledging
Spanking
Perpetrations
Wedding guest
Withholds
Hiding a thought
Arrogance
"...perpetrations and
out-integrities
are always being
communicated
nonverbally, they
are always
having an effect."
Definitions
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