Premise: If you have dated someone who had mastered1 intercourse, specifically, oral sex, then you have been spoiled--for life. Of all the reasons for remaining a virgin, this one is extremely valid.
- Note 1: If you have been withholding a significant thought from your partner then you have caused him/her to withhold an equally significant thought from you. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon.
Note2: All divorced couples withheld a significant thought from each other on their first date.
If you have been trying to teach a partner to master oral sex then you have not been operating in present-time. You have been unconscious. A teacher has a goal, an expectation. In truth, you have not been (completely) satisfied with the way your partner does sex, and you have not communicated your specific disappointment(s) verbally.
To successfully guide a partner to please you, to do what you like, to create for you the perfect experience of oral sex, requires exceptional leadership-relationship communication skills. Communication precludes hoping, begging, efforting, dreading, and the usual non-verbally communicated, "I'm only doing this because you like it, not because I get pleasure doing it."
Most importantly, they are simultaneously pleasuring themselves, bringing themself to climax intentionally. I.e. A "blow job" isn't a gift or chore, it's a mutually satisfying expression of complete and total admiration and love.
If you aren't experiencing growing sensations while giving/receiving oral sex then you both have one or more thoughts you have not shared verbally with each other. Again, there are no exceptions to this phenomenon. Both partners brought their addictions to withholding and blaming into the relationship. A common thought not communicated verbally between new dating couples during the invitation is, "I plan on conning you into having sex tonight." Or, "I definitely won't be having sex with you tonight and I will con you into believing there is a possibility."
Most important: A couple can't give or receive satisfactory oral sex if there are withholds between them. Withholds always produce an imitation of communication, of intercourse. One can't experience the experience of love if they are withholding a significant thought from their partner. One ends up thinking thoughts (trying to come or trying to make the other come) instead of experiencing sensations.
All infidelity starts with a single thought, which when not communicated verbally, produces an imitation of intercourse. What most couples do is withhold specific thoughts that might hurt a partner's feelings. The first few times are experimenting, learning, etc. However, an inexperienced lover is always trying to recreate an earlier similar experience. If an experienced partner ends up marrying an actual virgin, or someone with virtually no experience, then there are lots of non-verbal communications taking place. The experienced partner patiently and lovingly tries to teach the virgin; most partners are not teachers and so they fail.
Another significant withhold, if true, is, "You're not my #10. I love you but you're not my ideal; if he/she had walked by when we were first dating I would have chosen them." For most, but not all couples, this is true, both know they weren't willing to wait for their #10 to appear so they chose you.
1 Mastery: Mastery here refers to someone who communicates openly, honestly, and spontaneously (zero significant thoughts withheld). They naturally, intuitively, can sense what you are experiencing and feeling. They intentionally create your sensations. They play and tease with complete control (you are led (teased) close to climaxing several times before you climax. Instead of "performing," or efforting or trying," or doing their imitation of oral sex, they make love to your genitals. It can feel as though they are worshiping you, as though you were God. Such an "expert" seldom needs to go fast or resort to "deep throating."
Last edited 2/25/24