Leadership-Relationship Communication Tip for Young People
Scenario: Your parents are fighting a lot; they argue and yell at each other with raised voices that are frightening. It doesn't feel good. There's not much hugging lately. And, you've never heard either of them later acknowledge to you that they know it was abusive of them to submit you to such behaviors.*
The way to cause them to continue verbally abusing each other (and you) is for you to remain silent. Your non-verbal communications have a powerful effect.
Most children discover that what they believe to be silence (pouting or acting/being sad, or misbehaving) doesn't stop the fighting. That's because such non-verbal communications cause (yes cause) more of the same.
However, if you intend to make a positive difference ask, "What's going on with you two? Whatever it is it doesn't feel good. Is this how you want me to treat a loved one?"
* It's abusive of a parent to submit you to such abuse for another 24-hours. Keep in mind that with abuse between partners there are no bullies or victims, only sparring partners both equally (yes equally) addicted to withholding and blaming. That is to say, a mother can always recall the verbal, non-verbal, physical, or psychic communication of hers that started the fight, and a father can always recall the verbal, non-verbal, physical, or psychic communication of his that started the fight. Both are skilled goaders. Marital frictions began when both (yes both) on their first date, chose to deceive the other, to withhold a significant thought, which if shared verbally it might have been a deal-breaker. You could also ask, both parents (separately), "What thought(s) did you withhold from (mother/father) on your very first date?"
Last edited 1/2/24