We forget how all-seeing/knowing we were when young. We could see and hear the inconsistencies, the mind-numbing hypocrisies, between all adults.*
Parents lie, deceive and abuse each other yet espouse niceness and truth-telling. "Do as I say . . ." Few parents share life's perpetrations (first lie, first sex, first abuse, first deceit) with their child, therefore children try to be as good as they believe their parents were when they were young. "There must be something wrong with me because I simply can't be as good as my parents expect; I know they never masturbated or had "sick" thoughts."
Parents become so unconscious that they can't see the effects of the withholds and deceits (between the parents) on their child; specifically, what a child looks like as they are experiencing parents violently, verbally abusing each other. More so, because parents don't later verbally acknowledge their abuse to each other to their child. "I get that I was being abusive to your father this morning."
What really drove us crazy was when a parent would ask a "Why?" question. "Why did you do that?" "Why didn't you do your homework?" or the biggie, "Why did you lie?"
Thinks the child's mind, "Is there a specific truthful answer to such a question? What comes up for me, the most truthful answer would be, I don't know why. So many (several billions) of life-time experiences brought me to this moment. Remember, you both trained me. Obviously, you won't accept such a truth so I'll invent a reason to satisfy you. I can give you a few thoughts but none would be the truth." Such lies have undesirable consequences for both the child and the parent(s). The mo betta question: "What thoughts come up when you think as to what (the incident) is about?"
Prediction: If you as a parent continue communicating as you have been you will continue to train your child to deceive you. The majority of teens mirror the integrity of their parents. Dating teens con each other into deceiving both sets of parents when it comes to their first sex; both unaware of the correlation between personal integrity and results. Public school speech-communication curriculums** don't teach eventual parents how to create a safe space for truths to be told.
* Beliefs, such as Santa Claus, God, heaven, bible-contents are presented as truths.
** Public schools use and teach the Adversarial Communication Model (it teaches students to withhold thoughts, to deceive, to blame and to badmouth others). President Trump perfectly mirrors us all.
Last edited 5/30/21