Given that most parents teach their teens to lie, evidenced by the fact that the majority of dating teens con each other into deceiving both sets of parents so as have sex, it shouldn't come as a surprise to know that the same deceit usually exists about a teen's first drug experience.
Parents nationwide have become stuck doing their imitation of communication; few teens have anyone with whom they can spontaneously share all truths,* zero thoughts withheld. Most parents irresponsibly deceive their children, they lead their child to believe that they (the parents) behaved better when they were young; children often think there's something wrong with them, they don't know why they seem to be driven to lie and blame; no one has verbalized to them that lying and blaming is a normal (healthy) growth phase, that it's what children are supposed to do so they can notice the correlation between perpetrations and results. Most children believe they alone are the cause for the parent's abusive arguments. Thinks a teen's mind: "If I were a truly loving and deserving person they would be nicer to each other."
Teens have no choice other than to mirror the integrity of their parents. Parents who withhold significant thoughts from each other train their child to do the same. Put another way: A parent who does incomplete work when filling in forms/applications, one who purposefully embellishes or lies, one who leaves a space blank, one who knowingly gives an incorrect address or telephone number of a reference, trains their child to be equally deceptive.
Premise: No pedophile had the Birds and Bees talk when young.
Few parents ever share their firsts with their teen—their first temper-tantrum, their first theft, first lie, first abusive communication, their first sex and their first drug/alcohol experience.
There are conversations with teens that will create space for truthful enlightened conversations about drugs and sex. Such conversations create space for a teen to choose—to either act upon their parents advice or to experiment responsibly with integrity (with their parents support) which eliminates guilt and its karma. One of the communication tips few teens learn until they have married and divorced is the correlation between ones personal integrity and results (happiness, prosperity and health). Such parents, because they haven't learned how to create a safe space for their teen to communicate spontaneously, doom their child to the karma of deceit—the deceit of thinking about sex or drugs and not sharing such thoughts with his/her parents, and the deceit of hiding thoughts after one's first sex or drugs. The before and after conversations support everyone in being complete; the joy and laughter of sharing ones first sex is incomparable. The absence of these before and after conversations, the addictions to deceit, wreaks havoc on ones relationships—for life.
As they begin to be exposed to such conversations outside the family, teens, those who are honest with their parents, have long experiential talks about sex and drugs.
One significant conversation between parents and their teen is the very first utterances the morning after ones first drug experience. This is one of the times that experience is senior to what the mind says or thinks as to what happened. The self (not the mind) is experiencing the truth (headache, nausea, listless, etc. underneath which the mind also recalls and shares the memories of the fun). Such truths communicated to a parent skilled at getting and being without judgement or admonishments will complete the experience. Teens who have no one with whom to share the excitement and magnificence of sex hide such thoughts; these thoughts (withholds between one and ones family) server as barriers to communication, to learning (composition and comprehension)—as when trying to study, and virtually ensures continued deceit in ones relationships for life—until one does journaling or a clearing process.
* Most parents of teen school shooters (Columbine, etc.) report, almost as though rehearsed, "I had no idea ... ." What the parents were acknowledging was, "I was not in communication with my child. I don't even know the communication, the incident, that was the fork-in-the-road between us."
It could be said that it's unethical to rip off your parents from the joy of you discovering sex.
More to come (last edited 11/19/19)
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