What to do when cheating takes place.
The first thing you the reader need to do is, engage the services of a communication-skills coach, therapist, counselor, or, join a self-awareness type support group—attend monthly group meetings/sessions for a minimum of one year. Do this by yourself—without your partner.
I say "need" because if you keep communicating as you have been, using the same communication model that produced this result, you will continue to produce more of the same. Later when the situation escalates (or more cheating) you will not be able to say you weren't told. In fact, to not get outside support after reading this will reveal that it is your intention for things to get worse, perhaps to escalate things to physical abuse.
It doesn't matter if you are the cheater or the cheated, it's your leadership-communication skills that created this problem. What's important is that you tell the truth about your cause in the matter. Read about: Hillary's cause for the infidelities.
Suffice to say, you have become stuck doing your imitation of communication. You have honestly and sincerely believed that you have been in communication with your partner, yet the results clearly show that you've been unconsciously intending to drive him/her away. This unconscious intention reveals that you both have hundreds (yes hundreds) of withholds (thoughts of choice you each don't communicate verbally) with the other—for fear of . . . Worse yet, it reveals that you have not been a safe space for communication to take place.
If you have caused cheating in your marriage it reveals that your wedding vows included the non-verbal implied agreement that cheating would be allowed. How do we know? We know this based upon the results your vows produced. Hippy-like, poetic, beautiful sounding, self-composed vows seldom if ever contain the essentials to preclude cheating, drugs, or illegal activities. Most couples arrogantly ignore the reality that 50% of all marriages end up in acrimonious divorce. This self-righteousness causes communication breakdowns leading to divorce.
If you cannot see that you caused the cheating (if your partner cheated on you and you blame him/her) then what this is really about for you is that you have unconsciously set up life to complete your education, specifically the subject of responsibility (cause). Once you've mastered communicating responsibly abusive arguments and cheating simply don't happen.
Between trustworthy couples, couples committed to communicating openly, honestly, and spontaneously, zero significant thoughts withheld, an intentioned mutually co-created verbal fidelity agreement is kept, or, it is renegotiated prior to extra curricula intimacies. A fidelity agreement acknowledges the possibility that each may presently be unconscious. It allows millions of divorced couples to make a contribution to the success of the relationship.
An individual who has yet to commit to telling the truth and keeping agreements will unconsciously avoid looking closely at the specific consequences of cheating during courtship and prior to voicing the vows.
For an example of a wedding vow that precludes cheating read this Gabby Tip
It is arrogantly irresponsible to trust that you will not create cheating again without extensive communication-skills coaching. —Gabby
PS: Show this tip to your partner.
Last edited 11/25/19