Premise:
- All of your communications, all your lies and truths have had an effect. A lie you told your mother when ten, one you have yet to acknowledge to her that you lied, is still affecting outcomes to this very day (both yours and hers)2. Unless of course your arrogance is such that you think you got away with it; if so, you have been setting up life to get caught. We do this by getting life and relationships going well and then we crash and burn. We unconsciously intend a divorce, an accident, a job loss or a health issue to remind us to restore our integrity.
Examples:
1) Like everyone else you committed perpetrations during childhood—abuses, thefts and deceits for which you have not been acknowledged. There are also thousands of "good" deeds and behaviors for which you have not been acknowledged. And, there are thousands of people whom you have not acknowledged with respectful appreciation (such as your penmanship teacher or your ancestors). Communication coaches refer to these interactions as incompletes—incidents, conversations, that were not mutually satisfying. Our integrity is such that we attract others who are equally (yes equally) out-integrity, those who are dragging their own unacknowledged perpetrations into each and every interaction. An employer who is incomplete will attract employees who are dragging around a life-time of incompletes (unacknowledged perpetrations). Employees have no choice other than to mirror the integrity of their superordinates.
2) If an employee is/has been verbally abusing his/her partner or family members and has not verbally acknowledged each perpetration then the employee will set up life to get caught so as to restore their integrity. I.e. Spouse to partner: "I know that what I said earlier didn't feel good." All divorced couples withheld a significant thought from each other on their very first date. They both brought their addiction to deceit into the relationship.
3) If you have an employee who is performing poorly you'll find that your Job Interviewer is out-integrity; he/she didn't do complete work. More accurately, you have not been supervising him/her correctly. The interviewer missed one or more incompletes, omissions, illegibility's, incorrect dates or qualifications (out-right lies/embellishments) on the employee's Job Application Form. A job applicant has no choice other than to mirror your integrity; upon completion of the job interview he/she intuitively knew that you accepted typical high school performance. You'll also notice that there is an incomplete on the interviewer's Job Application Form. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon.
It's easy to tell when the boss is out-integrity:
For example:
Notice that most baristas at Starbucks are enroute to creating joy and happiness through service 3 ; most are courteous and act polite—yes? Seldom, however, does one experience the contagious uplifting joy that comes from true service (few baristas non-verbally communicate, "Thank you so much for coming to Starbucks—my purpose is to serve you." —communications of respect and appreciation. Most "employees have perfected an imitation of service. It's not that we don't occasionally see/hear them laughing amongst themselves it's just that it's unusual, as opposed to always. Each employee is dragging around a lifetime of perpetrations for which they have not been acknowledged. Having pretended to be in-service they go home each evening (without being cleared) with their energy spent, dragging around thoughts of the day's unpleasant events. The difference being, service adds to one's aliveness. The incompletes have cost them their aliveness. They all mirror the integrity of the founder of Starbucks, who, in comparison, is reportedly a very good employer; he just can't attract truly happy people committed to service—employees who operate from integrity. One clue: Most Starbucks employees will attest to the fact that infidelity amongst employees is rampant, and that there is no mechanism4 for supporting everyone's integrity—none are aware of the correlation between one's personal integrity and results. Health (vibrant energy) and happiness are the first consequences of an out-integrity.
Tip #2: Compose a short sentence that clearly defines the purpose of your organization; have all employees recite it when asked. As you walk around each day ask one or two employees, in front of others, to recite the purpose of the company; each time an employee answers correctly award them $10.00 cash. A purpose creates a context for how one relates with others, all the time, throughout each day.
Premise:
- The job of a football coach is to ensure that all the players are aligned. Often a coach, after a loss, will discover that one player was playing cautiously for fear of getting hurt, another unconsciously thwarted the quarterback's call (an ego thing), and yet another has been withholding the fact that they have an injury that could possibly affect performance—none aligned with a specific purpose.5
In other words, if I were to ask each of your employees to quote the purpose of your organization I'd get as many different "purposes"6 as there are employees. In other words, your employees are not aligned with a specific purpose. Some are there solely for the money, others are using you to train them for a better job, others might be attending job interviews on company time. Many badmouth you behind your back because you have trained them to do so; enablers remain silent when they hear a fellow employee trash-talking the boss. Others are clueless, simply trying to find their purpose in life.
1 Virtually all new employees have a history of doing poor work (sloppy chores and homework) throughout their childhood, even the excellent applicants. Most have lied or verbally abused others and have not acknowledged these abusive perpetrations; they have not experienced the correlation between personal integrity and outcomes. Most have conclusively proved that petty lies and deceits (significant thoughts withheld from significant others) don't have immediate negative consequences. If the employee drops a company laptop they might not tell the truth about how they broke it ("I don't know what's wrong, it was working...." Few take advantage of the "accident" to see if it's a personal integrity issue—an incomplete, perhaps they lied on their Job Application Form.
2 It's unethical to relate with another in such a way as to cause him/her withhold thoughts from you; if you cause another to stuff thoughts for fear of . . . then your integrity is out, for which there are undesirable results. As a manager or parent your job is to create a safe space for others to tell you the truth. Clearings will allow you to see that you have unconsciously set up one or more employees to unconsciously hex your success—they are dragging around a specific unacknowledged perpetration they assume, if communicated verbally, responsibly, would result in them being fired. In other words, you are not a safe space for significant truths to be told.
2 "serve" Service always produces satisfaction and happiness; such employees go home energized, they uplift their family; they return the next day excited to be amongst such amazing people.
3 "mechanism" None are instructed; Police Chief to rookie: "Here's what to do when you see a fellow employee breaking an agreement . . .; to remain silent is to abusively thwart me." For example: Within hours or days on their new job all police rookies become out-integrity; they observe a fellow officer lying or committing a perpetration, (late, mileage/time-sheet padding, badmouthing/verbal abuse of another, or he/she becomes aware of an officer's infidelity, etc.) and, they must remain silent else be labeled a "Serpico" (a snitch). Most are shocked and disappointed to discover that the law enforcement profession is not as honorable as it was believed to be.
4 Most "managers" have been promoted to the position of manager without first having demonstrated that they know the definitions of the words, aim, purpose, goal, objective, and mission. Virtually none can quote a definition of the words integrity, withholds, or responsibility.
5 Notice the ego-bound player who, after scoring a touchdown, does their little "I'm great" dance, eliciting admiration, oblivious of the fact that they scored solely (only) because of their equally skilled teammates.
Last edited 11/22/23