A caught cheater knows they have (premeditatively, disrespectfully) abused their partner and so they usually act or actually feel badly; they recite apologies and look appropriately contrite. Most then beg forgiveness and ask for another chance. Few ever use the incident to recall, and verbally share, the very first time they abused/deceived someone—the (not caught, not yet acknowledged) childhood interaction that began their addiction to deceit. Most cheat and deceive again and again; they simply can’t be trusted to communicate openly, honestly, and spontaneously—zero significant withholds. Most refuse to acknowledge the correlation between personal integrity and all outcomes—at home and work.*
The alleged “victim” of infidelity seldom, if ever, verbally acknowledges their cause of an infidelity; instead they remain the poor me “victim” for life. Usually they magnanimously “lovingly” forgive their partner. Few “victims” ever acknowledge how they, using their leadership-communication skills, intended (unconsciously set up) their partner to deceive them. Such a “victim" requires that it “happen” again and again until they (the “victim”) acknowledge their cause** for the deceit, the childhood incident that began their addiction to deceiving and being deceived.
All couples who cause deceptions withheld significant thoughts from each other on their very first date thereby granting each other non-verbal permission to withhold thoughts of choice (there are no exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon).
* For example: The correlation between cheating and health or sales goals, a malfunctioning car, children misbehaving, others breaking agreements with you or the absence of joyous happiness throughout each day. Marital deceptions always always begin on the very first date when both (yes both) withheld a deal-breaking thought from the other (there are no exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon). In other words, there are no "victims" when it comes to infidelity or spousal abuse, only unconscious co-conspirators both blaming the other.
** The word "cause" is missing from their definition of the word responsible.
Read Creating a marriage vow that precludes cheating, etc.
Last edited 11/26/17