Was it good for you?
Women: If your partner has asked, "Did you come?" or, "Was it good for you?" then you have caused doubt. Put another way, you have not been in-communication with your partner—Talking? Yes. In-communication? No. You have become stuck having rudimentary high school sex instead of exquisite intercourse. Most important—such doubt reveals that you have been deceiving each other; however, you began the deceit—you began the relationship by withholding one or more thoughts from him on your very first date, and, he has been withholding an equal number of thoughts from you.
Men: If you found yourself asking this question after you had a climax then you've revealed that you also have been withholding thoughts, doing your imitation of communication with your partner.
Premise: If you have to ask then you have been unconscious. You are dooming the relationship to mediocrity (lots of laughter but virtually no experiences of ecstasy or joyous love). You began this way of interacting with her—of pretending to be open and honest, on your very first date—all-the-while withholding a specific thought from her. Conversely, it means that you have caused (yes, caused) her to withhold thoughts from you. i.e. "Slower," "Faster," "Right there," "Yes, yes!" and an extremely important communication, "Let's talk—my mind is full." When you withhold a thought from your partner it automatically, unconsciously, causes them to withhold their thought of choice from you. All deceits in your marriage began on the first date when you withheld a thought from your partner; there are no exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon.
The exciting solution? Do The [free] Clearing Process —it will generate thousands of mutually-satisfying conversations with your partner. It creates a safe space for communication to take place, for an experience of love—eventually it leads to the "WOW!" spiritual-like experience of synchronized breathing.
In the movie "The Godfather" one watches an engaged couple in Italy walking along a country road, talking; they are not holding hands, but one notices an occasional "accidental" arm-bump. Ten feet behind, but within hearing distance, is a stern matronly chaperon. The chaperon's responsibility was to safe-guard the girl's virginity—a virgin was considered a family asset. Not surprisingly, virginity served a far more valuable purpose; it ensured that couples didn't have sex until they were comfortable* verbally communicating with each other. Long engagements ensured that most beliefs, truths, wants, expectations, considerations, boundaries and behaviors that serve as a non-verbal request for a divorce (cheating, stealing, specific drugs, tax fraud), had been shared verbally. For two virgins to marry they have the added advantage of not having experienced a former lover who had mastered oral sex (a most uncomfortable withhold to share with a spouse). Other conversation topics: Thoughts about spanking, fidelity, ethics (personal and business), divorce, prenuptial agreements, profession, house and car insurance, wedding expenses, etc. Read: Must-reads for engaged couples and, Who gets what in a divorce?
To create a safe space for withholds and truths to be shared you do The [free] Clearing Process. Then invite your partner to do the process; then together, you both can do The Clearing Process for Couples (both processes are free; they absolutely work).
* In the 80's Werner Erhard, (est Training, The Forum) also offered several seminars, one of which was the About Sex Seminar. Most participants, like myself, were surprised to discover that the seminar (one 3-hr session per week for ten weeks) wasn't about learning new tricks or techniques, it was solely about confronting, acknowledging, and disappearing one's barriers to being comfortable communicating about sex. Interestingly, most people are at effect of** certain words. They are uncomfortable hearing or saying, words such as fuck, cunt, prick, dick, suck, pussy, and tits. That is to say, one can't create something they are at effect of; what they do instead is their imitation of sex. Eventually, the act of imitation sex becomes conceptualized with predictable routines—instead of a newly created experience each time. The ideal is to be as comfortable saying the word spaghetti as the word cunt; the way to be comfortable is to verbally share all of each other's considerations( thoughts) about cunt; itself a hilariously fun evening.
** "at effect of" They have lost their ability to choose; instead they automatically react to certain words which often includes a negative judgment.
Last edited 1/2/18