The way to transform rudimentary (physical) high school sex into exquisite intercourse is to do frequent clearings with your partner. Clearings (a.k.a. be-withs) lead to breathing together. Ironically, synchronous breathing with a partner is referred to as conspiring. When a couple look into each other's eyes they discover that the rhythm of their synchronized breathing reveals any thoughts being withheld between them. Thoughts, when verbally communicated, are disappeared which creates space for an experience (as opposed to more-of-the-same). When the collective mind is empty (all withholds between each other verbally communicated) and, a couple are "coupled," then synchronous breathing (without any other movement) generates subtle mind-blowing pleasuring sensations resulting in an experience of love, of true intercourse, of being one with each other.
Breathing together can't be created or sustained if there are withholds in the space. To consciously create an experience of ecstasy (without drugs ) one must first restore and maintain his/her integrity (do The Clearing Process). Then invite your partner to do the process, after which, you both can do The Clearing Process for Couples. When couples clear each other it creates space for communication to take place, to "be-with" each other (for many it's a totally unique experience), to experience what's so, or what comes up, or, to co-create an experience such as breathing together.
You can tell if you have mastered control if you and your partner routinely surrender to each other.* If your partner is experiencing sadness, upset, or anger then what works is for you to notice that you are holding your breath and then subtly dramatize taking a deep breath. If they are susceptible to being supported, to surrendering to your support, (not intent on blaming or making you or another wrong) he/she will automatically notice that they were holding their breath and start breathing; their breathing is an acknowledgment of your support.
* That is to say, you must, alternately, choose to control him/her and choose to surrender to him/her (a.k.a. Power-Source Relationship Model). The analogy is liken to a co-pilot who is always ultimately in charge of the plane should the designated pilot go off course or need support.** One can also control another by seldom surrendering, or by continually surrendering, however, these ways of relating generate frequent blaming breakdowns in communications.
** All bankruptcies (conducting business in such a way as to cause others to lose money) are an unconscious premeditated conspiracy caused by both marriage partners (to survive at the expense of others). All partners know how their spouse generates income. The wife of a Mafia Don, using her leadership-communication skills, knows and is therefore responsible (cause).
Last edited 10/2/17