About Circumcision: The pleasures of a foreskin
This tip (pun intended) is primarily for engaged couples who will have to make a decision whether or not to circumcise their baby boy. It addresses a point of view not commonly discussed in the pro and con articles (traditions, medical, and religious) about circumcision. If your intended has a firm decision for circumcision it could, and possibly should, be a game changer. i.e. An adamant position for circumcision reveals where your intended comes from about abuse. For a boy to become both a respectful and anger-free man he must have had a committed protector.1
Up front: This tip supports parents in allowing their boy to have a foreskin until he is of an age when he can freely choose. A friend of mine, while on a Navy ship in the Mediterranean sea, fully anesthetized, had a corpsman do the operation.
I've yet to hear of a baby boy who did not cry (usually he is screaming) when someone cuts the tip off of his penis (always for good and reasonable reasons).2 To say or think that a baby or young boy doesn't experience the pain is self-righteous ignorance; pinch a baby and it cries—practitioners know it hurts and so they usually advise some form of medication to calm or somewhat sedate the child. Abuse is abuse no matter the reason. To justify abuse of another is to set up your life to be abused; it communicates that in your world some abuse is acceptable if the reason is good enough. Arrogance about this subject begs to be humbled.
Note: Some people throughout the world still circumcise their daughters.3 As with boys, always for "good" reasons.
Sadly, the decision to circumcise is often a choice made when a doctor asks the innocuous intimidating question, "I assume you want to circumcise him?" —rather than both parents having researched the subject way before delivery. Such conversations should be discussed prior to engagement, ideally talking with both circumcised and uncircumcised men.
Men, including clerics and doctors, who were circumcised as a child only have an anecdotal understanding (no personal experience) that a foreskin enhances sensations; what they truly "know" is a life experience of being circumcised. Women, not being able to experience the difference, intuitively know that circumcision hurts but they usually defer to male influences—with no idea that to cut the tip off of a boy's penis denies the boy certain pleasures—for life (H'm, sounds like what happens with female circumcision).
BTW: A grown man can consciously choose to request a circumcision; obviously, when done by choice with appropriate numbing anesthesia there is no crying or screaming. The operation is rarely requested; however, an uncircumcised doctor will responsibly warn the man that he will lose certain sensation benefits.
I don't believe any woman would submit their boy to the horror of such a procedure except that an authoritative male, possibly without a foreskin, assures the woman that it's "best" for the child. While it's tempting to speculate the life-time effects of genitalia mutilation on young victims what's not commonly addressed or acknowledged are the effects (the karma) it has on supposedly conscious parents for deciding (including enabling another) to inflict pain on their child (again, always for "good" reasons).
Could inequality and wage disparity in the business world have some source that has yet to be effectively addressed? (see Wikipedia for statistics/facts—such as circumcision being common amongst Jews and Muslims). I use the word "deciding" because a person "in choice" doesn't invent a reason for abusing another. That is to say, some religious practitioners no longer have choice, they live from a decision they made to circumcise; communication cannot take place with them because they have made up their mind.
Circumcisions began generations ago when men seldom bathed. They didn't have our wonderful scent-free soaps and pH balanced body-washes so inflammations and STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) were common. It's possible that historically women unconsciously became in favor of circumcision because they intuitively "knew" their husbands had extra marital sex—that, and cleanliness wasn't yet a virtue.
Women who have had only one sex partner are usually unaware of (are ignorant about) the differences in sensations between circumcised and uncircumcised men;4 a woman who has had intercourse with both circumcised and uncircumcised men knows that the benefits of having a foreskin are experienced during masturbation and foreplay. Couples who often masturbate each other discover these pleasures.
The pleasure I'm referring to is the fact that a foreskin can be pulled back to completely uncover the head of the penis; done very slowly, with intention, a man experiences pleasurable sensations, some from the subtle temperature differences, both when dry and wet. A man can collect (focus on) these sensations through to climax. An inexperienced woman will adopt the porn trick of "beating/jerking off" the man—never to master slow teasing by purposefully keeping the head engorged. Conversely, a circumcised man is often unaware of the subtleties of self-masturbation and so he "stimulates" a clitoris fast and hard like he does with himself; it could account for why some women seek the knowingness of female partners. Most men must be taught to surrender to slow teasing.
Sadly, pornographic films most always show a woman frantically "giving" a man oral sex thinking that speed or friction, or even depth, is what produces a climax; this is often the case with men who have been circumcised because the head of his penis has been somewhat desensitized due to a life-time of it rubbing against cloth. Such a man has usually spent a lifetime of masturbating (euphemistically referred to as "jerking/beating off"). A circumcised man can't know the exquisite sensations experienced by slowly, repeatedly, retracting and then covering the head of his penis with the foreskin; the subtle cooling and warming of the penis head causes immense pleasure. It is in fact a gentle (gentile—oops another pun) way. The word, "giving" is used because many women think of oral sex as a gift (a reward or a even a chore) instead of it being a mutual exchange of sensations, the woman bringing herself to a climax by transferring the sensations she experiences he's experiencing to herself without the need for manual stimulation of her clitorus. Vice versa for the man during oral sex. In short, pleasuring oneself by giving pleasure.
Men who have been circumcised are able to experience sensations when they lubricate the head and move the finger around the head so as to cause temp differences. This is much like when you first get out of a swimming pool the air temp is usually different than the temp of the skin. However, men who have a foreskin can do both tricks—using the foreskin which surrounds the entire head of the penis, or using one's finger (wet or dry).
1 For a child to communicate openly, honestly, and spontaneously, so as to be anger-free, without withholds, a parent must demonstrate how to extract oneself from an abusive relationship—else the parent models how to both cause and to put up with abuse. Children must have consistently witnessed each parent verbally acknowledge each instance of abuse to the other.
2 Often, proponents of circumcision mention hygiene and the fact that a foreskin can harbor smegma (a smelly cottage cheese-like substance). These nay-sayers fail to mention that boys with a foreskin have been taught by their parents (the mother and father each motivated by his/her own experiences) how to clean a penis, how to scrub it and how to pull back the foreskin so as to stretch both the head and the skin, (as when cleaning the scrotum)4 thereby exposing (flattening) the pores for cleaning. It becomes a natural hygiene habit. Men in combat go for weeks without taking a shower, virtually none report penis problems. Men with foreskins know, with absolute certainty, that a single incidence of a smelly penis can cause a partner to resist oral sex, (gun-shy so to speak) often for the duration of the relationship. Often a circumcised man will develop the habit of washing his penis but not cleaning it; experienced partners can tell by the odor and taste. Uncircumcised men assume that women have heard the "smelly" rumors and so they are definitely more hygienically motivated.
3 Types I, II and III female genital mutilation have been documented in 28 countries . . . between 140 and 200 million girls and women worldwide . . . (WHO World Health Organization).
4 Some partners report that the head of a penis of a circumcised man is less sensitive, that it takes longer to bring a circumcised man to a climax via oral stimulation. This can be explained by the fact that the head of the penis of a man without a foreskin has been continually rubbing against clothing for the man's entire life—thereby somewhat desensitizing the head.
5 Women, if your partner's crotch or penis frequently smells then it's up to you to teach him how to bath (because his parents did not). A clean penis has absolutely no odor or taste; when engorged it has a silky smooth surface. While taking a shower together jokingly say, "Here, let mommy talk to Mr. Penis." Then, with a clean soapy wash cloth (always scent-free so as to enhance the body's natural attractors) scrub the penis (with the same rotating-twisting motions you'd use to chalk a pool que stick) and then, have him watch you smell the wash cloth. After this first scrub the face cloth will most always still have a slight odor. Then, wrinse the cloth and do it again and smell the cloth again, if it's clean you'll just smell the unscented soap; often the face cloth will still smell revealing just how much bacteria has been living in the pores. Every few months buy him new underwear (throw out the old underwear without asking) because cloth doesn't get completely clean.6 Soap becomes embedded in the threads of underwear thereby impregnating the skin pores with foul smelling soap-sweat as it's worn. Six-month-old underwear that has been freshly washed has a distinct crotch smell that becomes a sweaty breeding ground for bacteria. The same applies for woman: As with some men, many women have not been taught to always use a face cloth for their crotch. The folds of the vulva must be spread wide so as to flatten the pores else bacteria hides in the pores. What may appear to be a normal odor is in fact off-putting for some men. An off-putting odor from the vagina itself usually reveals an STD, diet, or another health/medical/integrity issue. Personal integrity can affect body odors. "Integrity"? Yes, the body becomes chemically imbalanced when the mind is out-integrity—withholding—stuck in blaming abuse. Men taking Viagra read here.
7 I recommend using Calgon (liquid or powder at Wal-Mart) every few months. Calgon makes water wetter. Wash and rinse a load of laundry using the same amount of unscented detergent as usual but no fabric softener. Then, do another wash-rinse cycle only this time use Calgon instead of detergent for both the wash and wrinse/fabric softener cycles and watch what happens. You'll see as many soap suds as when you used detergent. What you're seeing are the suds from the detergent that has become embedded in the threads (usually this happens when you overload the machine and it can't rinse completely). Sometimes rashes are caused by sleeping on soap-embedded sheets or wearing soap-embedded underwear.
Addendum: One of the disadvantages of today's attitudes towards premarital sex is that many partners have experienced one or more other sex partners. In the "old days" many couples were virgins and so sex was all new. Both thought that whatever was happening was exactly what was supposed to happen; there were no prior experiences or porn videos with which to compare. Back then, as today, the majority of couples do not communicate openly and honestly with each other; each withhold their thoughts of choice from the other. I refer to the fact that thoughts withheld serve as a barrier to the experience of communication (of genuine intercourse). For example: If a man is receiving oral sex and he has had an earlier partner who did it "better," one who had mastered oral sex, then it's unlikely that he will bring up the subject; he stuffs such thoughts (ostensibly so as to not cause upset—to hurt her feelings—in truth it's about fear). It becomes one more significant thought he withholds from her. All divorces began, usually on the first date, when both (simultaneously) opted to withhold a specific significant thought from the other. Withholders alway always attract withholders, there are no exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon. Within a few conversations both discover that they have found in the other someone who supports "minor" deceits (both are afraid to ask the deal-breaking questions). This pattern of withholding certain thoughts are the seeds for future upsets. Couples who communicate openly, honestly, and spontaneously, no significant withholds, have far less breakdowns in communication between them.
Psychological impact of circumcision.
Thoughts of some mothers:
"My tiny son and I sobbed our hearts out. After everything I'd worked for, carrying and nurturing Joseph in the womb, having him at home against no small odds, keeping him by my side constantly since birth, nursing him whenever he needed closeness and nourishment—the circumcision was a horrible violation of all I felt we had shared. I cried for days afterward."
"I'm finding myself obsessing more and more about it. It's absolutely horrible. I didn't know how horrific it was going to be. It was the most gruesome thing I have ever done in my life. I told the doctor as soon as he was done, if I had a gun, I would have killed him. I swear I would be in jail today if I did have a gun."
". . . the worst day of my life."
"The screams of my baby remain embedded in my bones and haunt my mind." She added, "His cry sounded like he was being butchered. I lost my milk."
"He said that as an adult he thinks about it, 'every time I take a shower or urinate'."
Last edited 3/13/17