One way to tell if you're ripe for marital infidelity, a mark* for a scam, a "victim"** for abuse, is to look and see who in your life would say that they have been scammed, deceived, or abused by you.
- It's not that you have committed such perpetrations—that's what growing up is all about—it's that most likely you have not acknowledged a specific perpetration to anyone, especially your victim(s), your spouse/partner, possibly even yourself.
That is to say, it's impossible for an honest person to maintain a successful positively supportive relationship with someone addicted to withholding.
Use The Clearing Process to restore and maintain your integrity (it's free and it works). Once you've done The Clearing Process invite your partner to do the same. Then, together, you can do The Clearing Process for Couples.
* A con looks for a mark—an unconscious person needing to be scammed. A mark is in fact a con, someone who unconsciously cons others into conning them. [Early Gypsies, Romani-people, mastered the ability to tell when a mark, an equally sneaky/dishonest person "needed/deserved" to be gypped—often a mark is thought of as having too much—too many possessions—therefore needing to be humbled]. For example: Most girls fail to develop their physique (their muscles), their confidence, their mechanical-assembly-repair skills, and their self-defense skills; they act weak or stupid or helpless. They dress in such a way as to attract a con, someone who will manipulate and take care of them. Cons are automatically attracted to each other; they do this unconsciously so as to get acknowledged (caught) for their very first con. Until then they are programmed to con and be conned, to use and be used, to abuse and be abused.
** With spousal abuse there are no "victims," only consenting sparring partners. All abuse begins with the first abusive communication that was not resolved through to mutual satisfaction (this usually takes place on the first date in the form of a non-verbalized make-wrong or a condescending remark). The partner who puts up with an unacknowledged abuse becomes cause for all successive abuses. i.e. A: "That didn't feel good." must be followed with, B: "I get that my communication didn't feel good." Or, A: "Do you get that what you just said didn't feel good?" must be followed with a definite clearly stated, B: "Yes." To not insist causes disrespect, thereby causing more disrespectful condescending communications.
*** Parents who hide their own childhood perpetrations from their child deceive their child. The child feels guilty for not being as "good" as their parents; this deceit trains a child to withhold certain perpetrations because they (the child) can't imagine that their hypocritical parents (parents who lecture—don't lie, don't be abusive, don't badmouth, don't deceive) did the same things or had the same "sick" thoughts when they were young. Parents can restore their own integrity via The Clearing Process and then do The Clearing Process for a Parent and a Young Person/Teen. It will restore and maintain their child's integrity.
**** The vast majority of parents train their children to deceive them—evidenced by the fact that most teens con each other into having sex behinds the backs of both sets of parents; they mirror the integrity of their parents. Children assume the valance (the "spin") of their hypocritical parents.
More to come