Note: Reading this through to the end (clicking on each hyper-link) is comparable to a weekend-long Leadership-Relationship Communication-Skills Workshop.
It's commonly thought that a woman seeks a man like her father. In truth, many women have no choice other than to attract a partner who communicates as do her parents with her and each other. If she hides thoughts from her parents she will automatically (unconsciously) find a partner with whom the non-verbal implied agreement is to withhold certain thoughts. All divorced couples brought this addiction to withholding into their relationship; it's unconsciously communicated (non-verbally) prior to even meeting a possibility. It's as though a flashing beacon emanates from both partners; "Read my aura; you'll see that I do not communicate openly, honestly, or spontaneously, therefore, if you want to have a relationship with me you must be addicted to withholding certain thoughts." Put another way, if you are withholding thoughts from your daughter she will automatically attract an equally deceptive partner*, one who will withhold his/her thoughts of choice from her. That is to say, withholders always always attract withholders; there are no exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon.
Someone who communicates too openly, too honestly, is immediately mentally shunned.** So too is someone shunned who is too deceptive, who looks too sneaky, one who communicates that they are out-integrity through his/her presentation (aura, clothing, or deportment).
- For most the ideal potential partner is neither too hot nor too cold, they are just right. Each enable (non-verbally support) the other in getting away with some "white" lies, humorous bad-mouthings, and blamings of others; neither require from the other accurate responsible disclosure, from cause, of how they ruined their prior relationships. Psychically (non-verbally) they agree to not talk about prenuptial agreements. Both hide their unacknowledged*** abuses, perpetrations and STD's (herpes etc.) on their first date, or at least until they hook each other. In short, both are as open and honest and spontaneous as their parents are with them and each other.
Parents who have not shared their own teenage perpetrations (especially their entire dating/sex history) cause their child to deceive them. Teens try to be as good as they believe their parents were; when they discover that it's impossible to be that good they simply, shamefully, hide their perpetrations**** from their parents. 90% of all teens con each other into having sex behind the backs of both sets of parents, this reveals that their parents taught them to deceive.
The majority of divorcées witnessed their parents communicating abusively to each other; virtually none witnessed parents cleaning up (acknowledging) each and every abuse; responsible communication (specifically, abuse from cause) has not been modeled for them. i.e. Father: "I get that that that didn't feel good." or, "I know that that was abusive." Mother: "I get that I made you wrong and that it didn't feel good." or, "I get that I have been trying to change you without your permission and I know that it doesn't feel good."
A woman who has been condescended to (verbally abused) by her father unconsciously seeks out a partner who will treat her the same so as to complete her addiction to abusing and to setting it up to be abused. It's not that a woman looks for a man who will talk-down to her condescendingly or who continuously corrects her; what she unconsciously looks for is someone to coach her as a partner, to forward her, to continue the communication-relationship mastery curriculum where her parents left off. The curriculum? To learn how to recognize condescension and invalidation (verbal abuse in present-time). Once she cleans up her relationship with her parents she will then have the ability to inspire her partner to acknowledgment each and every abusive communication else, she will estrange herself from the abusive relationship.
To clean up/restore the integrity between you and your child you first do The Clearing Process and then do The Clearing Process for a Parent and a Young Person/Teen with him/her. Both processes are free, they'll create an entirely new relationship; you'll both be communicating from a new ground of being—the results are simply amazing.
* Parents who have not verbally shared their own teenage perpetrations (especially their dating/sex history) cause their child to deceive them. Parents do share their perpetrations non-verbally—it creates confusion; it teaches the child to withhold and deceive.
** Some examples: Remember back in high school when the "nice" girls would choose the "rebellious-jerks," the ones who would treat them poorly; and the "nice" boys would shun the "good/smart" girls in favor of the "loose" girls, those whom a boy intuitively knew would deceive her parents about sex—a girl who would not insist that the boy tell both sets of parents about his sexual interests in their daughter.
*** Unacknowledged refers to interactions (mostly childhood-teenage communications) that were not mutually satisfying (did not feel good to one or both) and have not been verbally acknowledged (admitted) to oneself or another, ideally to the recipient; the mind "forgets" such interactions—unaware that incompletes affect present-day outcomes.
**** Virtually all children are taught (non-verbally) to be ashamed and embarrassed about masturbation. Few if any parents place a box of tissues on their 10-yr-old son's bed stand.
Last edited 4/30/17