Dating tips for lookers

Precluding predictable problems

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Gabby
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Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2005 11:24 am

Dating tips for lookers

Postby Gabby » Tue Oct 23, 2012 5:18 pm

Dating tips for lookers
 
These tips are for those looking for a full-time partner, perhaps even marriage.

    If you have been dating one person and are considering marriage then these tips might be too late. For those still shopping here are some stimulating conversations to have with a date.
If your date tries to con you into having sex behind the backs of both sets of parents then your relationship/marriage will be fraught with deceptions. An honorable person will not support you in deceiving your parents whereas, a person with an "honorable act" will not talk about the subject. The karma for enabling/supporting deception is exactly what you want and expect it to be—lots of breakdowns in communication. More accurately: If you con your date into wanting sex knowing it would upset any family member, then any possibility for mutual growth and health is virtually nil. For a relationship to work you must be committed to operating from integrity.

Here's the above paragraph stated responsibly:

    If you con your date into begging for sex without informing both sets of parents that you're thinking of having sex then your relationship is destined for deceits; you have mastered an "honorable act." An honorable person will introduce you to his/her parents. Meeting parents is important because you will be able to observe how your date treats his/her parents. A date who doesn't insist that you meet his/her parents communicates volumes about their family, specifically, that they aren't being guided and coached by his/her parents—so as to bring into the clan someone the family likes. Quite often cons are starving for affection and acknowledgment; he/she will marry the first person who will have them just to get away from their family and the seemingly hopeless community. Often such a date will not have applied him/herself in high school and so they are karmically destined for a life of mediocrity (taking their partner along with them). When a person of integrity says "no" (up-front, so as to not set a date up for expectations) they mean it, and the other is absolutely clear they mean it; such a declaration transforms the relationship immediately, it creates space for genuine intercourse.
Teen girls: If you've conned your date into continually begging for sex then the relationship is doomed. In other words, if you've been using your leadership communication-skills to seduce a man into begging for sex then you are not in-communication with him. Specifically, there is fear in the relationship (you are most likely afraid that a "no" will cause him to stop dating you). When a person of integrity says "no" they mean it. When a woman cons a man into repeatedly begging for sex then he intuitively knows, with certainty, that she doesn't mean no. It also implies that she can probably be conned into forgiving the first incident of cheating. A man cannot respect a woman he can con, a women who lies; such a woman communicates—if you jump through enough of my hoops I'll "give" you sex.

Teen boys: Conning a girl into having sex behind the backs of her parents reveals that your parents did not inspire respect. In truth, you cannot respect a girl whom you can con into deceiving her parents; forever you will unconsciously treat her with condescension. Here's more about teen dating.

How your date treats clerks and waiters is an excellent predictor of what's to come? You will be able to tell instantly what you can eventually expect. That is to say, a date might be able to act polite and considerate for a single occasion however, his/her programmed behaviors will surface; most often you'll notice that they are condescending, rude, or inconsiderate. A girl who has been condescended to by her father or mother can not easily recognize condescensions, she thinks such abusive communications are normal, that they are the same as love.

Always ask about prior relationships: How your date describes what "happened" with ex-relationships will let you know if they are addicted to blaming and badmouthing (yes, it's an addiction as difficult to address as alcohol). If you hear them blaming and badmouthing, if you end up not liking their ex (never having met him/her) then your date is addicted to blaming and badmouthing.

Keep in mind that a partner who has had sex with another will most likely not disclose to you that their first sex partner had mastered oral sex; it's also possible that you are not their #10, their ideal. These are two important truths that must be verbalized, else they will be communicated non-verbally. The key to having a happy, prosperous, healthy relationship is open, honest and spontaneous communication—zero withholds.

If your parents are addicted to abuse (verbal, non-verbal or even physical communications) or are rude or argumentative then it would not be a gift of love to submit a prospective partner to them. Worse, to let them interact with your first child (children imprint, within a few conversations, on grandparents); grandparents automatically, non-verbally, teach your child to relate as they do with each other. You must insist that your parents get therapy or estrange yourself from them until they do. Once you've estranged yourself you'll need coaching/therapy because you too are addicted to abusing and being abused. You have picked up their addictions; you'll find yourself treating your partner as your parents treat each other. Therapy doesn't work if you are living with, or interacting with (even infrequent holiday visits, emails, presents, or telephone messages), someone equally addicted to abuse.

Great conversations:

What are your thoughts about including a fidelity clause in a marriage vow?

Preparing for your perfect partner, your soul mate.
 
Here are four free communication processes that can create (or restore) the experience of integrity within a family. It’s not too late.

To post comments, feedback or questions use Gabby's Forum

Last edited 7/11/16

Gabby
Site Admin
Posts: 385
Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2005 11:24 am

Re: Dating tips for lookers

Postby Gabby » Sun Mar 17, 2013 11:25 am

Hi Bliss,

Ditto.

With aloha, Gabby


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