You have been masterminding a divorce if you are withholding one or more significant thoughts from your partner. You have been dooming your partner to a life with little or no joy.
Most likely you are not experiencing the joyous experience of love throughout each day; that is to say, your "love" has become conceptualized; you know you love him/her but you haven't experienced it for some time. You brought your addiction to deceit into the relationship beginning on the very first date during which you withheld a significant (usually a deal-breaker). Read: An inconsiderate gift to give a prospective partner
Most divorced individuals can tell you the turning point after which their marriage was all over but the drama. It was an interaction, a conversation from which a decision was made. This decision is seldom made consciously, therefore it’s difficult to remember except with some coaching; the mind hides stuff that reveals its cause in such outcomes, it usually manufactures a blaming reality that explains everything. The story the mind keeps telling (about what happened) is rarely true. With coaching one is able to recall the incident, the conversation, from which a decision was made to end the relationship. It was an interaction that was not mutually satisfying. Only now, at the end of the tunnel can one see the truth.
Few are unaware that if they keep lying about why they got divorced they will have to repeat the process until they learn how to tell the truth, they have to attract another blamer to mirror themselves; the best they can do is hang out in mediocrity, no aliveness, few moments of joy.
How do you know if you’re unconsciously masterminding a divorce? Keep in mind, if you continue reading you won’t be able to say you didn’t know.
Here’s how to tell if you have been (up until now) intending a divorce. I say, “have been” because it’s possible to read this article and recommit yourself to open and honest communication.
If you have been withholding one or more thoughts from your spouse then you’ve been abusively sabotaging your marriage. Your partner doesn't stand a chance of having things work and they don't know why. The sense of deceit in the space, of being incomplete, drives them crazy; they know something's wrong but they don't know what. In truth, they are stuck having a relationship with your "honest act" instead of the open, honest, and spontaneous honest joyful you.
Thoughts withheld prove that you are no longer (perhaps never were) committed to open and honest communication. Only through communication (completely different than talking) can one create, sustain (or recreate at will) the experience joy and ecstasy. Furthermore, it proves that you are the source of, the cause of, the deceits perpetrated upon you by others. Your leadership-communication skills cannot inspire integrity; your partner has no choice other than to mirror your out-integrity. A relationship in which there is no mutual commitment to communicating openly, honestly, and spontaneously has plateaued. Such relationships are missing the experience of love. You may still love your spouse conceptually but you’ve lost the ability to create the experience of joyous love through a single sit-down conversation. It’s most likely that you’ve lost the ability to cause your partner to look you lovingly in the eyes for more than a few seconds.
It’s quite possible that you have withheld parts of your past all along. The lesson then to be learned from this relationship is that withholding thoughts serve as a barrier to the experience of communication. All that’s taken place between you and your spouse is but an imitation of communication. When communication takes place problems disappear, what’s left in their wake is the experience of satisfaction and of course, love.
What’s also true is that if you have been withholding one or more thoughts from your spouse you have caused them to withhold their thoughts of choice from you. There are no exceptions to this entanglement phenomenon. It’s virtually impossible to hang out with a truth-teller except that you’ll find yourself telling truths. Conversely, if you have been addicted to withholding then you will attract someone to mirror your deceit.
If you clean up (acknowledge all withholds, deceits, perpetrations to your self and your partner) then you can start anew. (read Conversations to have at a reunion) and then use The Clearing Process. Telling the truth releases the negative consequences, it disappears the karma if you will. It’s called completing. Completing anything creates space for new creations.
Gabby
Last edited 5/26/21