What to do when your baby won't stop crying

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Gabby
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What to do when your baby won't stop crying

Post by Gabby » Wed Jan 04, 2006 11:07 pm

Here's one of parenting's best kept secrets:

Once you have run through your checklist—hungry, wet diapers, too warm/cold, and, shushing, walking, rocking, and, lullabies haven’t worked either—what to do? How to get him/her to stop?

The next time this happens remember this tip:

  • The words "get" and "stop" are misleading; instead, intend that your baby cry until he/she is complete. I.e. Have the baby complete his/her experience of upset-pain-sadness-grief rather than trying to get him/her to do what you want.

“Intend” is totally different than simply putting-up-with or trying your best to accept it. Notice the words, “. . . get him/her to stop.” This is what most concerned upset, irritated, frustrated parents do, they try to get the baby to stop crying, to "fix" him/her. A parent does this, in part, so that they don't have to experience the baby's pain, anger and frustrations, it's simply too upsetting. One gets what they resist.

Usually a parent whispers repeatedly, “Shush, shush, it’s OK.” “Everything’s OK.” “Mommy's here.” "Mommy loves you.” —adding incessant nauseous bouncing.* What this does is make the baby wrong for crying. The baby gets that the parent doesn’t want it to do what it’s doing, yet the baby has no choice (more about this below—read "Womb-mails . . ."). All the shushing further upsets the baby.
  • Baby: "What do you mean shush? Can't you get it? I'm having an upset and I'm not having any success getting you to get (to recreate) what it's about. Work with me on this." Or, "What do I have to do for you to get I need dad to hold me?"
Later in life the child spends a fortune in counseling trying to figure out why they are stuck in anger and addicted to trying to change the behaviors of their loved one.

Intend here means that it must be your idea that your baby cries when he/she is crying. You must support the child in communicating what he/she is communicating. Once you “get” his/her communication the child will be complete. If you go unconscious and refuse to look within to see what it’s about you leave the child no choice but to continue crying. Stopping a baby from crying causes the baby to stuff/suppress its emotions; later in life they have no space for, no compassion, for when their child/spouse expresses upset.

Crying is one way a baby completes hundreds, if not thousands, of experiences of fear, confusion, upset, hurt, pain, and anger from as far back as conception. Most all of these incompletes happened while in the womb. Babies hear, feel, and experience all the father's anxieties and all the arguments, all the vibrations, all the times the mother felt hurt, upset, worried, or invalidated. It heard all the TV shows, all the news reports (the condition of the planet), not that it understood the content but that it picked up the vibes of concern, doubt, and fear. Possibly he/she experienced an intuition, "Whatever it is that that's going on out there it sure is scary."

Babies are integrity meters:

A baby can immediately tell when the integrity is out between his/her parents. When parents resort to doing their imitation of communication the vibrations are different. A baby can experience the non-verbal self-recriminations emanating from a parent who isn't choosing a healthy diet. When one parent is hiding a thought from the other the space is different. A baby does what it can to draw attention to the fact that something’s wrong. Crying Baby: "Look you guys, if you keep communicating as you are now you'll end up divorced; it's scary."

If you look closely you might discover that your baby cries because one or both parents are not exercising or they are unhealthy or overweight; intuitively, the baby is very worried. They will do their best to make sure you are around for years to come. If you ignore and invalidate their support they will eventually ignore your hypocritical support and look elsewhere for someone who values them and their healing skills. Read, "Preventing an accidental teen pregnancy."

If crying didn't resolve the issue between the parents then, later in life, the child starts to misbehave. If that doesn't work they do poorly in school or get sick, anything to bring in outside help so as to restore the experience of love. It’s not that parents don’t love each other any more, it’s that it isn't being experienced, the love has become conceptualized. They have lost their ability to create joy and happiness at will. There's something warm and fuzzy when parents hug and giggle, when they don't, something's wrong.

When parents are in-integrity, when they are whole and complete, all withholds delivered, all perpetrations verbally acknowledged, all abuses and deceits acknowledged, then everyone is whole and complete. The vibrations are soothing and quieting, it’s the experience of love, of parents being in-communication with each other.

Here's two examples of incompletes a baby might have:

Example #1 If during pregnancy the father yelled at his wife in upset, “Jesus!!” The communication being, “that was stupid of you” (a condescending communication to his wife), then the baby experienced an upset. Things were tranquil and harmonious and all of a sudden the baby experienced the shock the mother felt (not upset as in angry but upset as in the game-board being turned upside down, as in someone changing the channel without warning). The baby got what it felt like for the father to say such a disrespectful thing to the wife he loves, and, what it felt like to be on the receiving end of the abusive communication. If the father immediately followed up the outburst with an acknowledgment, that he knew it was abusive, thereby completing the experience to the mother’s satisfaction, then the baby also felt the harmonious vibration of humble atonement and completion. If the father is/was so unconscious that it didn’t occur to him that he was abusive, if he regularly (yells and communicates condescendingly without cleaning it up through to the experience of love) most of the time, and if the mother is so addicted to creating (intending) abuse that she creates (causes/allows/supports) such abuse, then both parents are unconscious and the baby simply feels confused and incomplete. That specific yelling incident, that abuse, will be an experience that will need to be completed when the baby has time, when it has the means, the tools (crying/communication behaviors) to express the sadness and pain of witnessing such an interaction. Life was never ever quite the same after that first abuse.

Example #2 If during pregnancy the mother ate foods that were unhealthy then the baby also experienced the vibrations of remorse, guilt, grief, shame, and disgust. Each bite of something that was supposed to be wholesome, nutritional, and vibrationally pleasant produced a nerve-tingling-bio-chemical shudder for the baby triggered by the mother's own thoughts of disgust. The mother's thoughts of feeling helpless and not in control were imprinted on the baby. Equally disconcerting was the accompanying thoughts by the mother, "I shouldn't," It's not good for the baby," "I know I promised myself that I would eat correctly for the baby, but, so what." If the mother doesn’t know how to clear, to disappear, such thoughts, then she is still dragging around remnants of those incomplete experiences (read about The Clearing Process, it's free). It could be said the baby will have to keep crying until the mother completes her experience of guilt (an acknowledgment process supports one in completing life's incompletes, all life's perpetrations). If not The Clearing Process then, during a free three-hour consultation, a communication-skills coach will support you in locating the incomplete, the incident, that’s triggering the baby’s hurt and pain.

Crying is a baby’s way of supporting parents in acknowledging (completing) abuses, of restoring their integrity, of getting back into loving communication with each other.

Misbehaving teenagers are stuck as babies who have not completed their experience of crying. Integrity can be created or restored though clearing. I say "created" because most parents brought their condition of being out-integrity into the relationship and therefore there never has been an experience of integrity; that's what their child has been trying to communicate its entire life (this is the case with the majority of families).

Here's an excellent 3-minute video that demonstrates a dog recreating a crying baby's communication. You might have to watch it a couple times to get what's happening. The sounds of crying bothers the dog so the dog communicates his/her own experience of getting the baby's experience. When a communication is gotten, when it's recreated, there's nothing left and both are complete. Coincidentally, the dog is programmed to howl when it hears frequencies that sound like an ancestor, a wolf.

For more about this topic read: The Aware Baby by Aletha Jauch Solter. Womb-mails—baby's email to expectant parents

* Examples of what works: Use your own words. “Yes, tell me all about it.” “Good. Tell me some more.” “Yes, I know. Tell me more.” “Thank you.” “Good boy (/girl).” “Tell me some more.” “I love you so much.” “That’s it. Get it all out.” “Yes, I know it hurts.” “Tell me all about it.” “That’s good. Get it out.” “What else?” Etc. All the while keep looking to see what significant thoughts you are withholding from your spouse. Look and see what thoughts, perpetrations, judgments, you have withheld (stuffed) in the name of harmony. If you have thoughts that you’re not willing to share then you are unconsciously masterminding a divorce. And, you’re teaching your child to not communicate openly, honestly, and spontaneously.

Last edited 10/8/22

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