- The effects of all child abuse can be mitigated or disappeared through communication, either a written or a verbal acknowledgment (communication is entirely different than talking).
1 Verbal abuse: Yelling, raised voice, condescension, insulting put-down, making one wrong, name-calling, labeling ("Nice going klutz, jerk, liar, lazy, stupid, etc."). The angry vibrations of a violent argument behind closed doors (or during pregnancy5) negatively affects a child—until both partners have individually acknowledged to their child that they know that it was frightening and they (the mom or dad) were being abusive to their father/mother. For example: "I was being abusive to your mother."
Most verbal child abuses are knee-jerk automatic reactions. For example: “JESUS CHRIST! I TOLD YOU TO NOT TOUCH THAT!” If an abusive communication is not verbally acknowledged by the parent to the child it negatively affects a child (for life). Unacknowledged abuse causes both parents, and the child, to be incomplete. Incompletes occupy space, they get in the way of communication, of manifesting one's stated intentions.
2 Non-verbal abuse: Stink-eye, rolling eyes, condescending smirks, menacing action/looks, frightening, walking around dramatizing an upset (looking sad or angry), slamming doors, and the biggie—behaving hypocritically (inconsistent with what you preach). For example: Parents tell their child to be nice to others yet the child consistently sees both parents not being nice to each other—what's worse, the child seldom, if ever, hear parents verbally acknowledged their abuses to each other in front of their child—consequently children have a hard time learning to recognize and acknowledge abuses.
Most parents are unaware that the most damage they do to their child is unconscious non-verbal abuse. We know this to be true based upon the fact that few adults can recall an instance in which they witnessed (saw and heard) both parents acknowledging their abuse to each other.
- There are therapeutic and communication processes, to include journaling, that support one in completing incompletes. For example: "I was being abusive to your father."
3 Physical abuse: Hitting, spanking, squeezing-pinching, head/face slapping, arm-jerking, shoving, pushing.
4 Psychic abuse: Both parents of their child's failed marriage, using their leadership-communication skills, psychically hexed (unconsciously intended) the marriage to fail—so as to be right that they knew their child had picked the wrong partner. The parents failed to inspire their child to take into consideration whether or not their choice in dates would compliment the clan. Read, An inconsiderate gift to give a prospective partner.
A verbal acknowledgment completes an abusive communication: When an abuse is verbally acknowledged to the child it completes the experience for both. For example: Father to son: “I know that my yelling at you earlier today didn’t feel good.” Period! Nothing else. An acknowledgment is not about apologies, justifications, explanations, excuses, or promises. It’s an, “I get (I know) that I did that” communication; nothing more or less.
5 If you caused abuse between you and your partner during pregnancy, and neither of you have verbally acknowledged cause, then all three of you are incomplete; unsettling vibrations negatively affect a fetus. Each instance needs to be verbally recalled and responsibly communicated. About the effects of abuse during pregnancy. What to do when your baby won't stop crying.
Last edited 12/30/17